Part I
Offsets
Offset 0
Name: Only A Mirror: Intro
Offset 1
Name: Only A Mirror: Page 1
Offset 2
Name: Only A Mirror: Page 2
Offset 3
Name: Only A Mirror: Page 3
⚠️ Content Warnings ⤴
Info
Content Warning
This is Part I of a highly-coded, metaphorical tale about colonialism. It's a deconstruction of a familiar story, and an attempt to explore both the consequences of losing one's ancestral culture, and the origins of colonial violence.
If reading about these things causes you unmanageable grief, shame and/or anger, skip this tale, or make sure you have a support system you can talk to. (A support system that doesn't rely on denying the problem or preaching hate.) Violence is never the right way to deal with pain; there's been enough violence already.
endless_waters
Languages:Languages:
Audio Log 1- 2022-09-17
Scout: Jason? Hello?
Scout: This is Alicia, TG Scout. Jason, come in.
Scout: I repeat, this is Alicia, TG Scout. Jason, come in!
[Static]
Scout: Shit.
Scout: Jason, this is Alicia, TG Scout. I think I no-clipped! I don’t where I am, but it’s definitely not Level 807 anymore. There's different trees, and lots of grass- it's a sunny forest but everything's alive. And the light is wrong.
[Static]
Scout: Jason, can you hear me? I repeat, I think I no-clipped. No visual on our scouting party. I’m in a different forest level, and I don’t recognize it.
[Static]
Scout: Jason, if you can hear me, please radio ahead to the Collection Outpost and have them check the GPD. I don’t recognize my surroundings. It looks like a summer forest. There’s, uh… there’s a mix of evergreens and leafy trees. There’s tangled underbrush, like brambles, maybe? The light is golden, maybe like 5pm, early evening.
I’m taking a closer look at those brambles. Oh! Berries. It looks like I’m in a blackberry thicket. Can you please check that against the database?
[Static]
Scout: This is Alicia, TG Scout. If anyone can hear me, I’m separated, in an unknown location, requesting a database check. I may have discovered a new level.
[Static]
Scout: Jason, come in.
Scout: Ok. If anyone can hear me, I’m not hearing you. I’m going to mark my entrance and take a look around. Please, keep trying to talk to me. I’ll try different channels and let you know if a signal gets through.
[Radio click]
Scout: Fuck. Fuck, fuck, shit-fucking FUCK!
[Heaving breathing]
Scout: No. That’s not how we do this. Calm down. Calm. Down.
[Metal water bottle being opened, swallowing sounds]
[Heaving breathing]
------ End of Recording -------
Audio Log 2- 2022-09-17
Scout: Testing, one, two, three.
Scout: Alright. If you’re listening to this, I sure as hell hope I’m not dead.
[Deep sigh]
Scout: Ok. This is Alicia Bourbonnay, B.N.T.G. Resource & Materials Scout, Depot 4.
On September 16th 2022, 8am M.E.G Standard Time, I departed from Depot 4 with a party of six under the command of Scout Leader Jason Greer. Our mission was to access Level 807, by way of Level 182 on Route 25. We were to provide emergency supplies and temporary back-up to Collection Outpost 807, in the aftermath of three successive attacks by the U.E.C.
At around 3pm today, my party and I were trekking through Level 807 en route to the Outpost. I climbed over a collapsed pile of branches, and spontaneously no-clipped into what appears to be an undocumented level. I don’t know if any other members of my party experienced the same clipp. If they did, I don’t know where they ended up, because I seem to be alone. Immediately after clipping, I tried to establish radio contact with my team and failed. As we speak, I’ve been in this new level for about twenty minutes, and haven’t received any transmissions.
So, as per protocol, I’m going to explore outwards from my entrance point, and record as much as I can. I’m also going to attempt to map the route I take. If you’ve found my body, that’ll be in the notebook in my right-side chest pouch. But, uh… yeah. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.
[Faint wind sounds, leaves rustling]
[Throat being cleared]
Scout: So, to start with, I’ll describe where I’ve entered. I’m in what looks like a grassy glade, in a mixed forest in summertime. It’s sunny, like the end of the afternoon, and there’s a warm breeze. It’s hot here, about… twenty-five degrees Celcius, maybe, and humid.
I’m estimating the glade is about twenty feet long, and it’s roughly oval-shaped. It’s filled with grass about knee-high, and it’s very green. There are also wildflowers, mostly white and yellow. I’m seeing… well, I can’t tell for sure from where I’m standing, but the trees look like Frontrooms species. There are evergreens, maybe pines, and also leafy trees. They’re tall- the forest is rising up at least twenty feet all around the clearing. There are smaller bushes in the clearing though- they’re all messy and covered in thorns. They look like blackberries, as far as I can tell. There’s lots of them- they’re chock-full.
It’s weird. I’m realizing now that there’s no smell here. Maybe just… it’s like I can almost smell pines, or that summer-humid smell, but it’s very faint. It’s hard to tell if I’m imagining it. There are sounds though. I can hear the breeze rustling the leaves and grass. That’s it so far- no insects, no birds.
I haven’t seen any entities or animal life since I arrived. Signs of hostile entities and malignant phenomena negative.
In the grass to my left, there’s a large boulder poking out. It’s hard to describe, kind of just a hump and maybe two feet across. I’m bunching up some grass stalks beside it, and tying it with my red tape. That’ll be my entrance marker. From here on in, I’ll be flagging my path with orange.
------ Audio Break -------
Scout: First things first. Food source. I’m going to investigate these blackberries.
I’m no expert, but they look completely normal, to me. Conducting a proximity test.
[Crunching grass, footsteps]
Scout: Ok, no detectable effects coming within bodily or manual range. Touch test negative. It feels like a normal plant. Attempting to remove a berry.
[Rustling foliage]
Scout: No harmful effects, physical or psycho-emotional. It looks and feels like you’d expect. The only possible anomaly is a lack of smell, like I noted earlier.
Ok. Universal edibility test. Cause I’m already lost, right? I’ll take one for the team and see if you can eat these, in case some other poor bastard follows me in here. While I’m waiting for a skin reaction, I’m going to get a closer look at the trees.
------ Audio Break -------
Scout: Ok. It’s been about fifteen minutes. No major changes in the environment. No reaction from the berry, either, which is good. I drank some almond water when I got here, though, so I'll have to wait before eating it. Stashing it in my pocket for now.
I’m at the edge of the clearing. Walking over here, the grass looks oddly uniform. The flowers too. Like everything is a clone of itself. And everything looks really…fresh is a good way to put it. In its prime, like someone just watered it.
The trees also look healthy. Now that I’m closer, I don’t think they’re Frontrooms trees. I don’t know about the needle ones, but the trees with leaves definitely aren’t something I recognize. They’re like… if every kind of leaf shape were put together, somehow. I can’t describe it, so I’ve attempted to sketch it out.
I did another proximity test on a leafy tree. Again, no results. Everything felt normal.
Looking through the trees, the forest is pretty dense, but I think it’s passable. It’s not too dark- there’s a lot of golden light slanting through the leaves. I will say, there’s a tonne of timber here- stone and plant fibre too. And a possible food source, results pending. Assuming I can make it out of here, and nothing weird kills me, this level could be an excellent resource asset. Maybe even a habitable zone.
[Grass crunching]
Scout: SHIT- !
------ End of Recording -------
Audio Log 7- 2022-09-22
Recording captures 37 minutes of swishing foliage, crunching footsteps, breaking twigs, and general sounds of walking through underbrush.
Occasionally, indistinct voices can be heard, conversing in an unknown language.
------ Timestamp: 00:29:34 -------
[Heavy breathing]
Scout: [out of breath] Unh- how far did you say it was, again?
Unknown Voice: [indistinct]…two weeks of… centre…
Scout: And what's-
Unknown Voice: [indistinct] Please… must be silent. Lately… hounds and other.. in this area.
Scout: There are hounds here?
Unknown Voice: [indistinct] Sometimes they find their way… and other hivespawn…fear, we will keep you safe. We are rangers of summer. But please… silence.
[Heaving breathing, cracking twigs]
Journal Entry- Sept. 24th 2022
Things have taken a turn for the unexpected. I'm going to switch to the notebook, for the bulk of my documentation. I want to save the recorder battery- for whatever might be coming.
My last substantial log was seven days ago, on Sept 17th. I need to fill in what's happened, between now and then.
I was surveying the forest, in the clearing where I arrived, when I caught a movement in the trees. Something big. I dropped on my belly in the grass- right as something came out of the forest about ten feet from where I was standing.
It was an entity. Humanoid, wearing some kind of leather armour. Decked out with a bow and huge knife on its hip. But it had a cat head. A lynx, maybe. And it had long hair made out of moss. It was all tangled and hanging off its head. All through its fur, too, like it had been curled up in a damp place for too long. Greenish. Stringy.
I was sure it saw me- I didn't think I'd hidden in time. So I jumped up, grabbed my bat and got ready to run. But it was surprised- the ears shot up. It stared at me, and then said, in perfectly clear English, “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you! How long have you been waiting here? Have you been welcomed yet?” I stood there like an idiot with my mouth open. It could have killed me.
But it didn’t. It shouted into the trees- a sound like a house cat screaming- and two other entities came out. One of them was some kind of lizard-person, and the other one was… it was like someone made a person out of a waterfall. A bunch of walking rocks with water pouring around them.
Moss Cat shouted, “A human survivor! We have a new guest! A new guest! Go and tell the master!” The lizard dropped to all fours and shot off right away, into the trees.
Then the other two were walking towards me. Fast.
I tried to run. I turned and bolted through the grass, like a bunny-rabbit. But it was too tall and dense. I tripped, right onto my face. Next thing I knew, there were hands grabbing me. Hands that weren’t human.
Moss Cat and Waterfall dragged me up by the arms. I screamed. I’d forgotten what it was like to scream like that, no stops. I really thought I was about to die. That the knife was about to plunge through my back. Or I'd be ripped apart by teeth. Something I couldn’t think of. I struggled and twisted, but they gripped me like a vice.
Then- “Please, calm yourself. We mean no harm.”
The voice sounded like rocks being poured down a drain- Waterfall. I heard it, but didn’t really comprehend. It took me a good five minutes to stop panicking and realize I was still alive. I finally got my head back- I was standing in the clearing, with the two entities holding me up on either side.
Moss Cat looked me in the face. It had yellow slit-eyes. There was something strange about its stare- it felt like a human expression. I could swear there was curiosity in its green, matted face, and maybe… wonder? It put a big shaggy paw on my pounding heart. I could feel the weight, and the warmth of it. The power- there were definitely claws in there. I was shitting bricks.
It said, “We understand that we may frighten you. But no harm will come to you in our homeland. Any human who manages to enter here is an honoured guest- you have proven to us your vigour, and your skill.”
Its voice was weird, reedy. I couldn’t think of anything to say to that. So it kept going:
“You have been wandering, have you not? You must be weary. We will take you to our Master. He will provide you with food and drink, and a safe place to rest. Please, wont you come with us- it would be an honour to host you properly.”
I suppose I should have tried to escape. It could have easily been a trick. Lure a lost wanderer with promises, then butcher them. But I think somehow I understood it was pointless. Those things would catch me easily, if I tried to run again- my legs had turned to jelly. Maybe it was safer to cooperate, and try to slip away later if things got suspicious. I would keep the recorder on, in case they tried something- there'd be audio evidence of my death.
God help me, I agreed to follow the entities into the forest.
Now it's been a week. I'm still alive, which is fortunate. But I don't know what the hell I've gotten myself into.
We've been walking for seven days, through a forest that doesn't seem to end. Those things have endless stamina. It’s hot, and humid, and the brush and brambles keep catching on everything but somehow they just slide through it. Me, not so much. It's like the bushwhacking I used to do, along the railway when I was a teenager. At one point I tripped and got a stick straight up my nose. I’m exhausted. My almond water’s nearly out. Moss Cat keeps leaning over and lapping at the water running down Waterfall’s limbs. I don't want to do that.
The forest is very much like the clearing I arrived in. It's quiet, breezy, and sunny, with the same trees and plants repeated over and over. Soft, mulchy earth, full of fallen leaves and needles. Streaks of light coming from the canopy, with dancing dust motes. But no smells, no other creatures besides us. If it weren't for the entities, it wouldn't feel much different than an empty indoor level. It's eerie, lonely even. Nice-looking from far away, but a dead imitation. It makes me feel disappointed. I'm not sure why.
The entities have been evasive. I've tried getting answers out of them, information on who or what they are, but they prefer to walk in silence. All I've gotten is that they're "Summer People", and "Rangers of Summer". They keep saying they're taking me to "the centre", where all this promised food and shelter will be. Apparently, it's a two-week journey on foot from where they found me. It could mean anything, at this point. It could still be a lie. But after seven days, they haven't hurt me, and I really don't know what else to do but follow them. I've been trying the radio, on and off. Every couple hours, choosing a different channel. I've cycled through all of them several times now, and it's starting to feeling futile. I don't think anyone's going to reach me here. And there's no real incentive, at this point, to risk striking out alone.
On the first night of travelling, we walked until the light started to fade. (Turns out, there is a light cycle here. It feels longer than a normal day, but there is a sunset, a night, and a dawn.) The entities kept me in between them the whole time we walked- Moss Cat in front, Waterfall in the rear. I could hear the trickles behind me. I kept looking for an opportunity to bolt, but they were too close to me, and the brush was too dense. Maybe they knew what I was thinking. By the time the sun started to set, I realized I'd have no hope of escaping in the dark. Even if running off at night in an unknown level wasn't a total death-wish, there were too many brambles, and the Cat probably had night-vision. I had no choice but to camp.
The entities found a relatively clear patch of ground, gathered up some deadwood, and lit a fire. I don't know how- they didn't use matches or anything. They just breathed on it, and it started smouldering. I didn't ask questions. The fire smoked, and crackled, but I couldn't smell it. And I couldn't tell if there was heat coming from it either- the night air was still warm.
Waterfall plunked down, like a wet rock-pile, and said "You've walked a long way, in the summer heat. If you are thirsty, please, drink. I am a source." I said ah, thank you, but I still have my canteen. No need yet. I was trying to play along and be polite- I really didn't want to get that close to an unknown entity, and definitely didn't want to lick it. Then Cat chimed in. Something like, "You must be hungry, then. When was the last time you ate? We know how little food there is, beyond our borders. We have seen your kind starve. Please- whatever it is you desire, we will bring it to you. This place is bountiful."
I had a hard time believing that, given the monotonous and empty forest. I couldn't answer. I was just sitting there with my knees to my chest, shaking. I still expected that at any moment I'd be killed. In hindsight, it was pretty obvious that I was still scared shitless, and didn't trust my new escort at all.
Then Moss Cat got up, looked at me, and walked off into the dark, outside the firelight. I heard rustling. A minute later, it came back with both paws cupped, holding something dark and shiny. Blackberries. It walked up to me- I held my breath- and it put them on the ground in front me, without a word. Then it went back to the other side of the fire, leaned against Waterfall, and started gnawing on a stick.
I felt a little ashamed. Maybe that was the point? Clearly Moss Cat was trying to demonstrate some goodwill- to whatever end. But I was hungry. If I was going to reach our destination, or escape (however things played out), I'd need to be fed. And I hadn't eaten the berry from earlier- I never finished the test. It had been over 8 hours since I'd had anything, so this was it. I took a berry, put it on my lips, and waited 3 minutes. Nothing happened, so I popped it in my mouth and waited again, for fifteen. Must have been something to watch- Cat probably thought I was utterly paranoid. But the berry was still good, so I finally took a bite of it, and chewed it up.
It's hard to… man, I've tried to come up with words for what happened, but nothing really does it justice. It's like it exploded in my mouth, from just that one nibble. It was the richest, most overwhelming taste of blackberry that I've ever had. Something stronger than what my brain was meant to process. And it brought a memory back- something I hadn't thought of in a long time. Sitting in the backyard garden in the summer, as a very young child. My mother hanging up laundry behind me, white sheets flapping. And eating berries. There was a feral patch, beside our fence.
And just like that- it disappeared. The whole experience was packed into three seconds, maybe. And then the berry was tasteless. Unfortunately, the effect shocked me so much that I swallowed- so the test was botched. And that put me right back on the edge of panic, because maybe I'd just poisoned myself. Maybe that was the entities' plan, all along. I was wildly trying to figure out how to make myself vomit, when Cat saw me freaking out, and said "We mean you no harm. Our food is good. You have our promise."
I popped the whole thing. Between being on the verge of tears, thinking death was imminent, and being horribly, horribly, hungry, I just went and ate the berry. And then another, and another, then the whole pile. Then curled up on the ground to rest, or die, whichever it would be. It was strangely filling though, for just a handful of berries. Tasteless, but filling. I hadn't felt that full after eating in a long, long time. Not since I entered the Backrooms.
I meant to stay awake through the night. Close my eyes to slits, and pretend to sleep- to see if the entities would do anything. But the full stomach and fear-exhaustion got to me. I woke up the next morning to see the dead remains of the fire, and Cat and Waterfall sprawled out on the ground, next to it. I was still alive. More than that, I felt like I'd slept extremely well. I actually had some energy.
When they woke- not long after me- I apologized to Moss Cat. And thanked it, for the food. All it said was, "We would not poison a guest. Your fear is natural, but you can trust us."
That day was pretty much the same. And the next, and the next. We walk through the forest all day, watching the slow change in light through the canopy. Then at sunset, the entities make a fire, and Moss Cat brings me a handful of berries. That first experience, that burst of flavour, hasn't come back. But I haven't gotten sick either. It does indeed seem to be a safe source of food. The entities themselves don't seem to eat much. I've watched Moss Cat chew on sticks, and eat a handful of dead leaves. Waterfall hasn't eaten anything at all, since we set out.
One night though- the 21st- I think they started telling stories. Moss Cat pulled the stick out of its mouth and said something to Waterfall, in a weird, hissy sort of language I couldn't understand. And then it was like they came to life- animated, excited. Making cat and rock noises back and forth, waving their arms and gesticulating. It was like listening to animals in a forest- a real, living forest, with a river trickling through.
That was a total assumption. I don't know why I thought it was a story.
My eyes are drooping shut. It's warm, and the forest floor is soft. I need to sleep. No doubt, we'll be walking all day tomorrow.
…
Audio_Log_10.mp3
Audio_Log_11.mp3
Audio_Log_12.mpg
Journal_2.txt
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