you stand at a precipice.
maybe it's a literal precipice. maybe a metaphorical precipice. it matters little in the moment, for it all leads to the same conclusion.
the question is: do you jump?
why are you here? maybe it is that you lost something, or someone, dear to you. maybe your desperate attempts at grasping at senses and meanings failed. maybe the consequences of your actions were just about to manifest. maybe it's just because. there is a myriad of reasons for why you'd cross the rubicon, all as valid as others, for they all lead to the same conclusion.
and so, the questions remains: do you jump?
you thought about it, those you will leave behind. their hearts will be broken. their lives changed forever. the future you had once dreamed of never becoming a reality. father will never find words. mother will succumb to sadness. your best friend will forever be tormented by the guilt of not doing enough. or maybe there is no one, if that's what you choose to believe. but it won't matter for you, not where you are going.
you're still hesitating, but the answer is approaching.
your heart is racing. this is it now, here it is.
no alternatives, the pain is too much. existence is not worth this crippling anguish. this will soothe it. this will end it.
the ground you stood on felt flimsy anyway.
and so you made a decision. you made the jump.
and it'll
b
e
a
l
l
o a n o
k y w
that's what you had told yourself.
"something's wrong", you think.
"shouldn't i have made contact with something by now?"
"why hasn't the view changed in hours?"
a sick, cruel joke, and it is made at your expense. none of it is your fault, all is out of your control.
a never-ending free-fall. not the releasing ending you had once hoped for.
instead, there is only the agony of not knowing when the descent finally stops.
only the fear of what may come ahead.
only the realization that everyone will have forgotten you by then.
only the overwhelming regret you will never fend off.
and so, a new question arises:
"why have i jumped?"
it's a beautiful view, isn't it?
it's all you'll ever see.
