⚠️ Content Warnings ⤴
Info
Content Warning: Detailed butchering of animals. Cannibalism.
Thanks to these videos for informing me how to butcher various animals.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQ7McEBJrks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxG4tSYtNKc
and to this page for how to skin a deer:
https://bestpracticeguides.org.uk/carcass-preparation/skinning/
And to that random greyname who was being silly in the Discord. It's been a year, but I made this page based off your comment, "What if people ate entities in the Backrooms?" <3
All humans need sustenance. This is a fact, and an unfortunate barrier to human comfort in the Backrooms. The main source of sustenance is, of course, Almond Water, but without its unique properties, how many of us would have become Wretched from the unending monotony of drinking nothing but Almond Water? We all joke about becoming Wretched from the sheer repetition of seeing dark hallways and eerie forests, so we cannot disregard the mental effects of eating the same thing for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
While the Ultimate Backrooms Cookbook has some interesting recipes, ultimately, they are for people living lush lives on Level 11. Seriously what kind of person carries a blender on them in the heart of an ever-changing maze? My goodness.
However, what you can carry are spices and a tub of some sort of fat.
With these two things, I have taken it upon myself to find and document new dishes using the minimal amount of effort, to demonstrate the versatility of common tools, and to forge a new culinary frontier. This is not a comprehensive list, but merely one to help you survive and have delectable meals as you do so.
Each section is listed by the tag used by the General Public Database.
Botanical
It is with great despair I write about the lack of plant life in the Backrooms suitable to human digestion. The wheat on Level 10 does not have any nutrients, and Hiveminds take too much preparation to truly be a source of nutrition, as well as being relatively tasteless on top of it. It is a shame, as plants offer needed nutrients for rebuilding a body under constant stress as well as fiber, which is needed to keep things — ahem — regular.
Entity 39 - Organiguns
The only plant I've found suitable for human consumption is young Organiguns. It is nearly impossible to crack open the shell of a mature Organigun, but a young Organigun's shell is still somewhat malleable, allowing you to crack it open to get to the plant-like structure inside.
The young plant has a texture like young coconut, slimy and crunchy at the same time. Additionally, it has a very strong metallic taste due to all the iron inside the plant. I recommend throwing this into a stew or soup of some sort to help dilute the taste and diffuse the iron into the broth.
Obviously, these plants are a fantastic source of fiber and iron. However, you shouldn't eat too many of them. They do have trace amounts of nitroglycerin, and while nitroglycerin is used in heart medication, it's something to eat in moderation. Dying by nitroglycerin overdose will not be fun: irregular heartbeats, convulsions, and even comas can happen if you overdose. Unless you have friends to watch over you or to take you to a doctor of some sort who miraculously has the ability to help you, you are dooming yourself to become easy prey.
Animalistic
As omnivores, we require protein in our diet to build and repair our tissues. Because most people are frantically outrunning some beast or another, and sometimes even the weather, having a solid source of protein is essential to survival. The best way to do so is to eat living creatures, as they are usually formed of protein. In the Backrooms, of course, all logic gets thrown out the window, but it is good to start with what is recognizable.
Entity 20 - Scits
These crustacean-like creatures are commonly used as the basis for seafood dishes. Much like fish and sashimi, you can eat these small creatures raw. However, the taste itself is lacking a certain je ne sais quoi, having a more mild taste. Additionally, they are a paltry source of nutrients, being nothing but Backrooms junk food. They don't fill you up, lacking enough fat to make you feel satiated.
However, they are plentiful, and plentiful food is a necessity in the Backrooms. As said before, we do a lot of physical exercise. When it comes to the upkeep of your health, beggars can't be choosers. We must make do with what we have, and sometimes, that is eating a small bug.
To eat one, simply crack open their shell and slurp the meat out, much like eating a crab leg. If you have access to some fat, melt it, and dip the meat in for a better-tasting snack.
Entity 712a - Jerry(like) Birds
Level 712 is a fantastic place to gather meat and sunflower seeds. The scenery itself also makes it a wonderful place to relax. As a lush forest, this place is home to various parrots that have various "brainwashing" abilities similar to Jerry. However, just like with Jerry, if you manage to lower the parrots' guard with some sunflower seeds or Almond Water, you can give their skull a good ol' whack.
From there, slit the throat and hang the bird somewhere for the blood to drain out. Afterwards, pluck the feathers and prepare to gut the bird. Now the first step is to turn the bird's head toward you, and cut off the tail nub. Then, wiggle the feet so you can see where the leg meets the thigh, and cut into that area, removing the feet. Now chop the head off at the base of the neck and discard it.
Rotating the bird so the behind faces you, then make a slow incision until you hit a layer of fat. Now, you will have to be incredibly careful to not puncture the intestines. Otherwise, your bird will become covered in feces. Gently widen the incision until your hand can fit inside it, and grab a fistful of organs and give it a good tug. Finally, discard the organs however you desire. Unless you have a large bird, I do not recommend attempting to save the organs as it is hard to distinguish what is and isn't edible.
You are now ready to prepare the bird however you desire. Personally, I prefer my parrots roasted with butter and rosemary, but you are encouraged to experiment. Simply rub the meat with your desired seasonings and skewer the bird through the neck hole. Rotate the bird to ensure it cooks evenly and enjoy!
While the birds themselves aren't much of a threat, the humans they've captivated are, so exercise caution when attempting to procure a parrot meal. I do not recommend going after Jerry unless you are planning to have a last meal brought on by angry cult members.
Entity 134 - Phobic Centipedes
Insects have long been a staple of human dietary needs. In the Frontrooms of course, substituting bugs for animal meat was a common consideration for more sustainable farming, and many cultures eat bugs because they're available. Some common practices to enhance the flavor of insects are to feed them things we find appealing, such as herbs or fruit. Unfortunately, when consuming phobic centipedes, you don't have that luxury here. They feast upon humans (and perhaps other beings that feel fear). As a result, their taste is quite static: either slightly bitter seafood or nothing at all.
Hunting these creatures can be tricky because of their mimicry, but once you understand that they are bullies and not predators, it becomes quite easy to ignore their deceitful cries. These beings flounder under pressure, flailing when suddenly they become the hunted. They cannot take what they dish out, so to speak. If you feel you're being stalked by a phobic centipede, change your fear into anger and "go apeshit" on the creature. Most of them will be confused to see an angry human charging at them instead of a scared human running from them. So long as you do not feel fear, you'll be fine. Anger, pity, and joy are all emotions I've used to hunt these creatures, but frankly, apathy is the best. They can't work with what doesn't exist.
To do this, practice suppressing your emotions. Feel them, but let them wash over you, so they don't affect you. I like to visualize this by imagining my emotions are stored in a box. They get put away until the deed is done, and then taken back out when I need them. I am quite proud to say it is as easy as flicking a switch for me. Of course, it takes a long time to learn to do this, but being able to desensitize yourself to their tricks is essential to hunting them and surviving. Once you do, they are practically helpless.
These creatures are best consumed roasted in their shells. I recommend adding any acidic flavors to the dish to neutralize the bitterness/lack of flavor. Any fat or sweetness can also add some much needed complexity to this dish. Once the roast is done, crack open the carapace and scoop the meat out, using the shell as a makeshift dish. You can keep the shell, but it's not that durable, so you may discard it if you wish.
Entity 456 - Frost Boars
Ah, even in the Backrooms, we have the availability of bacon. Of course, hunting a singular boar is difficult, but that is why we look to the past to see what hunters of old did. The easiest, but perhaps most time-consuming way to hunt a boar is to watch a pack from a distance, observe any weak ones in the herd, and isolate them with the use of traps and careful planning. In terms of calorie intake vs output, it is most likely inefficient, but the allure of the Frontrooms comfort of fresh bacon is often too tempting to ignore.
Perhaps the most dangerous way, and in my opinion, the most fun way, to hunt these beasts is to anger an entire herd. As they charge you, lead them to an area that you have scouted or prepared, and kill/maim them in one fell swoop. My favorite technique is to lead them into the path of a spiked pit, but again, depending on your situation, the calorie intake vs. output may be inefficient, especially if you are going it solo. Groups of hunters may do better, but I prefer my own company as others tend to be… hesitant of my food choice.
From here, butcher these animals as you do a pig by doing your best to bleed the animal out. Normally, you'd need two people for this process, but they are a bit smaller and easier to handle, so you can do this solo if needed. Just be careful about not throwing out your back.
You'll want to skin the beast by pulling the skin away from the muscle. Point your knife upward as you cut to avoid nicking the meat and introducing contaminants. Like with the birds, do your best to avoid puncturing the insides and sending viscera onto the meat. Once you get to the legs, split them apart.
There will be a membrane connecting the guts to the body cavity. Use your hand to separate the membrane. Again, take care not to puncture the intestines or other organs. Find the heart and esophagus and cut them away from the body cavity. Then simply give the body a push, cutting away any connective tissue keeping the organs connected, and everything should fall out. You may have to pour out the remaining blood, but then you can carry the carcass to a more convenient place to skin it.
I highly recommend skinning the animal for its fur and harvesting the hooves and tusks. These animals are a boon for any wanderer of the Backrooms. I myself have a sturdy knife made from the tusk of a particularly nasty boar. He almost took my life, but I prevailed in the end. It is my favorite knife and a constant reminder that at any moment, you may become something else's meal.
Sapient
This is the elephant in the room when it comes to Backrooms cuisine, but it is important that we talk about it.
Many people balk at the idea of eating something that is intelligent, and to that I say, "Stop being so squeamish." Pigs are as intelligent as dogs, and dogs can be as intelligent as a human toddler, meaning every slice of bacon comes from a being that feels and thinks just like a human child! No wonder vegans in the Frontrooms are so militant about their diets.
However, there is really no need to worry. The true taboo is in eating another human. That's terrible. These entities are not human, so you're not breaking any taboo. Especially in a world where it is your survival vs their survival, there is nothing wrong with prioritizing yourself. Frankly, you cannot debate the ethics of eating if you die from starvation.
Entity 67 - Partygoers
Three words: Firesalt Molotov Cocktail. Any intelligent species balks at being lit on fire, and these abominations are no exception. Their skin may be fireproof, but their insides are not heatproof. With Firesalt used as an accelerant for the Molotov, the ambient heat causes the leftover human fat to boil the creature from the inside out. Their shrieking psychic assault isn't hard to deal with. Just move away until you can't hear the screaming anymore and wait.
After two hours, the fire should die off, making the body safe to handle. Their chest carapace acts a built-in slow cooker, and the fat from the body adds a unique flavor to the Phobic Centipede on the inside. Simply pop the carapace open, discard the human head, and you'll have a delectable meal of roasted, buttery, and slightly salty Phobic Centipede. Add seasoning as you desire.
Sadly, the formerly human flesh is not edible and will make you violently sick. Speaking from experience, you will be…ahem, fighting a two-headed dragon.
Of course, attempting to hunt one of these creatures is inherently dangerous. Their lamprey-eel hands are still quite bitey after death, so be sure to spear those in place before approaching the body. You've rid the Backrooms of one menace. Don't create another.
Entity 9 - Facelings
Of all the creatures in the Backrooms, nothing has the inherent complex flavor profile that Faceling meat does. Tender and a tiny bit sweet, this beef analogue is the closest you can get to a roast in the Backrooms.
Because Facelings are docile, leading one to a secluded area is quite easy. I recommend going after "adults" rather than "children." "Children" are fiercely protected by other Facelings, and occasionally, humans. It's not worth the effort to separate a child from a group (and you get more meat from adults). Additionally, while they may be weaker than you, groups are hard to deal with, so focus on lone Facelings.
A curious part of their biology is that their organs may not be in the right place. Unfortunately, this means that more humane methods of slaughtering are out of the question, leaving exsanguination as the only option. This requires advance preparation and a dedicated space for slaughtering. I personally have kitchens all over the Backrooms for ease of slaughtering, but you will have to make do with what you can find. There are plenty of isolated areas within the Backrooms.
My steps to secure a Faceling is as follows:
- Gain its trust.
- Take it to where you will be processing it.
- Stun it however you can.
- Restrain it.
I will admit, that despite this list being quite short, stunning and restraining a Faceling can be difficult due to their biology. Regardless, if you are going to eat a Faceling, you must commit. Shatter its kneecaps. Pluck out its eyes. Break its pelvis. Do whatever you must so it cannot escape. If it escapes, you must abandon your processing area, and lay low. Despite the fact that they are not human, most "civilized" areas considers this at least assault.
Once you have secured and subdued the Faceling, hang it upside down and slit its throat. I recommend having something underneath to catch the blood. It's best to have a clean kitchen after all. After all the blood has drained from the body, the Faceling should be dead. If not, simply sever the head from the spine at the first cervical vertebra. If that didn't kill it, then simply stuff the head's mouth to prevent further noise from coming from it, if it has a mouth. Discard the head.
From this point, you simply skin the body and discard the epidermis. I recommend doing this far from your kitchen, as Skin Stealers are attracted to the discarded skin. Thankfully, Faceling meat is unaffected by any stress that happens before and during the slaughter, preserving the flavor.
As for how the meat should be cut, just follow the butchering guide for Frost Boars! Prepare the meat however you wish. However, the best meat comes from the upper thigh, making delightfully tender roasts. If you have time, making jerky is always an excellent idea. It keeps for a long time for those long trips between levels and is a wonderful snack.
As a final piece of advice, I recommend avoiding eating the brain. While they are not human, there is no guarantee that prions don't exist in the Backrooms. Discard it for the scavengers.
And there you have it. A small, by no means comprehensible, guide to eating creatures in the Backrooms. As I discover more dishes, you will be seeing more analysis from me. As they say in France, Bon Appétit!