fuckkk this is peak
I went into this skeptical but honestly, this rules. +1 peak bit
Object 23 - "Clumpshot" / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page Object 23 - "Clumpshot".
I loved the ad style you wrote this with TOO much. I was inspired and loved it! Blanche is my favorite entity long before she entered the Backrooms and the fact that I saw her hold a shotgun made me feel scared, I loved how Blanche demanded that her image be removed and I was ultra delighted to see how the gamemaster created multiple accounts just to leave lousy reviews.
That is a click very close to reality. Ha. Congratulations!
Rhauniel Strange-(Yilda Dagger) "Author of Horroria"
I dont feel bored reading this at all. But I feel like you should explain the object in more detail. Im little disappointed that you didnt go deeper into it, but overall, I really like it ;)
+1
Genuinely liked the first offset and thought it was a very interesting and creative object page despite not technically being a format screw nor having any extended logs/narratives and that kind of stuff.
Unfortunately I found the 2nd offset to be very mediocre and unsatifying overall, feeling like it put the momentum of the first to a screeching halt.
This is a good page but that is mostly because the first offset carries it. The first offset is clever, character-driven, and has an interesting story that isn't very direct. It is show don't tell and that works wonders for this page.
The second offset, however, is a drain because the Boveta x Guilded Armory isn't actually relevant to the object and is has terrible structure. I did a crit of this page while it was in draft, and I told you that it was hard distinguishing who's talking because there wasn't any break in paragraphs. There is a reason books break up dialogue when someone new starts speaking. What you've done here is put the line that indicated who's speaking in between each quote, so there's 0 indication of who it refers to, but it technically has line breaks. THIS IS STILL BAD.
You need to rethink the second offset, but the first offset is still amazing.
/forum/t-17246132/object-23-clumpshot#post-