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…including from others in the Discord server!
Thank you again random greyname for the darkly funny idea of people attempting to eat things in the Backrooms!
And of course, thank you to the people who provided critique. Saria, Eden, Praetor, Akimoto, Sky and many others helped polish this into what you see today!
(For the record, I am not a cannibal)
"I may bite people but I don't actually ingest the flesh so it's fine"
Yummers
You promised you'd take me there again some day… but you never did.
Before I go into the "nitpicky crit" stuff, I just want to say, I love the concept behind this page, and whoever wrote it in-universe is completely unhinged and possibly delusional, lol. I love me a chaotic character like this.
I like the ideas, but here are a couple of things that don't add up to me:
"With Firesalt used as an accelerant for the Molotov, the ambient heat causes the leftover human fat to boil the creature from the inside out. Their shrieking psychic assault isn't hard to deal with. Just move away until you can't hear the screaming anymore and wait."
Side note: Love the use of firesalt for a sort of molotov cocktail. Firesalt really can make many weapons that defy the Geneva convention, can't it? The upcoming firesalt rewrite makes it seem worlds more versatile than before.
Anyway, my question for that section is: Why do the Partygoers scream psychically when they do not feel pain?
From the Partygoer page:
"As the transformation from human into Partygoer completes, familiar senses of touch, taste, and smell quickly decay, hearing is reduced, and vision turns nearsighted. They no longer feel pain. The sensory vacuum is filled with a merged human and Phobic Centipede consciousness."
And not an issue, but something interesting of note from the page as well:
"This new awareness communicates using short-range telepathy, with one harsh caveat. Mental transmissions are based on eyesight. Partygoers must fix their gaze on the intended receiver in order to successfully send any psychic message. Reception of this telepathy suffers from no such drawbacks. People often mistake this method of communication for spoken language in familiar voices."
I'm guessing they are staring at you the whole time this is happening? That's a bit creepy. Still no idea why they are screaming though.
And another thing:
"Unfortunately, when consuming phobic centipedes, you don't have that luxury here. They feast upon humans (and perhaps other beings that feel fear). As a result, their taste is quite static: either slightly bitter seafood or nothing at all."
Phobic Centipedes don't eat, unless you're implying they literally feed on fear? From what I can tell, they were just meant to be incredibly sadistic, and not need sustenance. We based the Partygoer chimeras off that Phobic Centipede idea of an undead insect that doesn't need to eat, making them share that trait as well as the sadism. Then again, we also made Partygoers eat humans (turning them into cake). I think it had something to do with consuming some kind of spiritual essence, but I'd have to ask Robert to get that accurately. If that's true, Phobic Centipedes can probably do something similar, albeit through a different means. I just think it's scarier knowing that Phobic Centipedes are hunting purely for sport.
From the Phobic Centipede page:
"Corpses of the victims can rarely be found in corners or small crevices. It is unknown how Entity 134 gets rid of the corpses and all traces of them. It is hypothesized that Entity 134 instances kill their victims for the satisfaction and enjoyment of it rather than for sustenance and energy. This follows the theory that Entity 134 does not need to eat."
Side note again: The idea that a person can chase them instead is a little interesting. A creature that sadistic feeling fear is strange, but then again, it can feel sadistic pleasure, so who knows what else it can feel. A bit of creative liberty that I can see being justified, even if I don't quite agree that it should be like that myself. A creature like that feeling no fear and being a bigger threat than that is probably scarier. Although, who knows how much of it is this character making stuff up or exaggerating the intensity of his kills when he succeeds? This person sounds absolutely mad, so I'd believe anything at this point.
Also, I noticed you mentioned there aren't many plant entities. I'm guessing you ultimately decided against including the Ivlania from Level 414? I mentioned this I think ages ago, and I'm sure your draft has changed a lot over these long months since I last checked it out. From the sounds of your character, they'd probably have no issue butchering one of them, despite being a sentient plant, lol.
I don't know about the accuracy of the other ones. I'd have to go read those ones again, but I worked a lot with Partygoers and Phobic Centipedes, so I caught these things pretty much immediately. It all looks solid otherwise and pretty cool.
I haven't had a chance to get around to reading this when it was just a draft sadly, or I'd have given you my thoughts sooner. I could probably keep going about the things I liked, but I'd be here all day, lol. So don't let the few nitpicky things get to you :P
Oh! One last question, who is the in-universe author of this article? It doesn't seem to say anywhere who the madman (or madwoman, etc.) is.
Do the nitpicks really matter though? Does it matter whether or not a Phobic Centipede actually feeds on fear? Does it really matter that the Partygoers aren't invincible anymore and feel pain in this page? Especially when you guys didn't write the Phobic Centipedes page, I think I'm justified in having a little wiggle room.
Thank you for your critique I suppose, but ultimately, I don't find it helpful as it's the epitome of what I don't like about the canon in this wiki. These nitpicks ultimately don't do much to improve my writing and serve more as a "gotcha!" to prove how clever you are rather than actually help me as a writer. If this is how you treat people using your works, nitpicking and going "um, actually!" then why should I bother using your works? I don't believe I've disrespected them or changed the core aspect of them; I merely added a new way to deal with them. Ultimately, I'm going to ignore the nitpicks because ultimately they amount to nothing.
As for lvlania, I just didn't find them interesting enough to use. Nobody talks about them or really cares about them, so eh.
I call this man the Gourmand, but in-universe, this is just some guy who posted this on the database.
Read this again and it's still just as effective. It has a clear sort of escalation and climax point. My heart genuinely sank when the faceling part was being described. It was really effective :-)
You promised you'd take me there again some day… but you never did.
