The theme and colors on the page are really appealing and I like the concept, as well as the attention to detail. However, because of this, the descriptions come off as a little robotic and there's a lot of instances where multiple sentences will start with "The [description]" in a row, which makes reading kind of repetitive and off-putting. what I would do is try combining descriptions, either by making use of semicolons, more footnotes, or just generally making descriptions more compact (e.g.; instead of "The second area resembles a basketball stadium. The only known way to enter the stadium is to descend the stairs and find a massive blonde-yellowish wood door. The basketball stadium seems typical, with bleachers, a basketball net, and additional characteristics." I would say "Entered through a massive wooden door, the second division of the level resembles a typical basketball stadium, consisting of bleachers and various sports equipment." of course this is only a suggestion and you don't have to write it exactly like that, it was only an example of how you can make the descriptors seem more connected. There is also a small typo in the entities part, with "Skin-Stealers" being "Skin-Stealer". I would also suggest linking that one like you did with the other pre-existing entities. I'm also not sure what the mass amounts of crossed out text are for, but this reply is getting pretty long so i'll leave you with what I would personally prioritize. Overall, the level is great and I like how it connects with other parts of the backrooms. I think it fits in really well, and the notes do give it a more personal feel; the characterization in them is definitely something I like to see in articles and it grounds the level a lot more than if you didn't add them.
custom mashup, 17 Nov 2024 09:30