Here is my post for level 70's return
Happy Halloween 🎃 and +1
Level 70 - "Froidetown" / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page Level 70 - "Froidetown".
Thank you! Happy Halloween
God Save The King
There were a lot of things that put me off about this page, but each was very minor. However, as I continued to read, these minor things began to add up.
The effort is clearly shown here, and SPaG errors, while present, are minimal. I generally don't like clinical articles, and this one definitely fits that vibe in a weird "can't decide if it wants to be or not" way.
Enough rambling, here are some of the positives and negatives I had while reading
POSITIVES:
- Lots of small details and the potential for good worldbuilding.
-Image use was very helpful at keeping things grounded
NEGATIVES:
-The page reads and feels like an infodump and a rough draft. There could be a lot of trimming done, as I found myself at many points wondering "why is this even relevant?" Infodumping does not equal good setting or detail. It just overwhelms the reader.
-Callback to one of the positives— the reason I said *potential* for worldbuilding is because when the page tries to do it, it often says too little or irrelevant information. For example, one thing that sort of confused me (maybe I'm just illiterate so if there is an explanation for this in the article please let me know) was the mentions of things like "never go below floor 6" and "Never stay in a single story building." It left me going 'COOL! But why?' This type of thing is very present in the page, as well as the opposite, which is my next point
-Lots of needless overexplaining. This is what I mean when I say 'the page feels like a rough draft.' There is barely any explanation given to why some of the "rules" of the level are the way they are, but we have almost a paragraph telling us "Oh by the way this is called the simpson method and heres what it is!" When a simple sentence or two would have gotten the point across just fine.
-Page structure. A lot of the time I found myself having to jump up and down in the page to find the context for what a certain section was referring to. The actual formatting was good though. If that sounds contradictory and confusing, let me put it like this:
the "chunks" were formatted well, they just needed placed in a better order.
OTHER POINTS (Things that I personally felt were off, but I'm not factoring in to my judgement of the article, since this is biased by my dislike of clinical tone)
The actual narration felt sort of… off? I don't know how to explain it, I just wasn't a fan of the prose. Oh well, that's subjective anyway. I can't fault you for that, so I won't.
Word usage — there were a lot of times that a sentence was grammatically correct, but just felt weird and out of place. Goes back to the prose thing I mentioned earlier.
There were a couple parts that felt a little contradictory in the vibe you were trying to set. The most relevant one I can think of is "oh yes this place is desolate and survival is hard but REMEMBER TO HAVE FUN :DDDDD!"
I understand what you were going for there, but I would have liked those bits a lot better if it was worded in a more "don't lose hope" type way.
Final verdict? Novote. I don't downvote pages that have had effort put into them, and have potential. But I don't give them upvotes either, as I still think it needs more time in the cooker before it meets the bar.
Fair
God Save The King
I think this article does a very good job of explaining the level. There are a few parts that seem like they need to be revised to seem more formal, but the amount of content within the article makes it feel very alive. (And, in a good way most of the time, not just like little pieces of context that leave you with more questions then answers.) The only thing that bugs me is the difficulty of the level being so high for a level that seems fairly easy to live in due to all the existing settlers living in the level.
+1, you did a great job!
Thank you!
God Save The King
Regarding these comments:
This all hearkens back to ideas and desires for "perfection."
People will, sometimes, attempt to write your article, for you, in their heads. It's natural.
Things like empathy, intensity, worldbuilding, et cetera are very subjective. These can be attributed to effort, but they can also be a matter of life experience and focus. Three people witnessing a car accident will see and remember the event differently. And that is for a distinct slice of "reality." Move the human mind over to a piece of fiction, of imagination, and each mind fills in the gaps in a very personal way.
The only "more time" that you will ever need, is more life lived and more contemplation. You wrote it, your way. I upvoted it, my way. It is easier to burn down a house, than to build one.
Your friend and colleague,
Goerman
http://backrooms-wiki.wikidot.com/goerman
Thank you for the upvote and wise words, Goerman
God Save The King
I don't seem to see your thingy on the list of people who voted, glad you liked it none the less
God Save The King
This is one of the best levels I've read! It has an excellent focus on world-building, great explanations on history, and a groundbreaking environment. The entire level feels completed and leagues better than many similar "base" levels. This Level makes sense on why it's dangerous, why people stay and what life is like. The Images are also amazing.
At first glance I thought "This is just some trashy ice level for snow images" but when I read more I realised that this level is so developed and interesting that I could read a book set here.
I want to see more from Level 70 in the future. This deserves to be considered one of the primary Backrooms levels!
Thank you! Although some parts of this level I could've done better(as pointed out by Spec's crit) I'm still super proud of how this one turned out, and your words mean a lot to me. I might make small changes to fix some of the issues brought up without drastically changing the article at some point soon.
And I have a few ideas for possible tales set here, though I don't know when I'll start making them.
God Save The King
+1 for pictures and concept, -1 for execution.
Too many unnecessary details in the entities and the first outpost parts, and they barely help construct the environment of the level
/forum/t-16981092/level-70-froidetown#post-