Level 358 is the 359th Level of the Backrooms.
Level 358 is comprised of an ornate, white and gold palace decorated with spiral engravings.
The use of this traditional phrase is one that's falling out of use and is actively being phased out within newer drafts. Although you're not barred from using the expression, I would recommend removing it. Down below are several links showing that the phrase is being discouraged from use, all originating from the Backrooms Tech Support Discord server:
place inside of an ornate palace of unknown
You don't need to use "an" here. There are a lot of little grammatical errors in your draft that can easily be fixed if you put it through a spell checker. (Quill Bot is my favorite for this.) If you have a lot of these grammar errors riddled throughout your page, critics will be less likely to look at it, so you should aim to fix as many as you can before you seek them out. You are not above a spell-checker; everyone is better with them. I'll be ignoring all the non-obvious grammatical errors going forward.
an ornate palace of unknown size.
Alright, so here's a broad writing tip: you don't need to explicitly state that a place is large to convey its size to the reader. Instead of saying something like "this palace is big," try phrases like "echos live long in the air of this palace, reverberating throughout its many great halls" or "dust permeates throughout the entire space, evidencing its unbelievably large size." These kinds of descriptions create a more vivid image in the reader's mind, helping them quickly grasp the mood you're aiming to set. This is the saying "show don't tell." put into practice
connected by thin, bordering claustrophobic hallways.
You can just remove "bordering" here. It's a useless addition.
The materials which form Level 358 seem
I would suggest replacing which form with just "of" for brevity.
This includes use of sharp tools
Add "the" after includes. I believe this information would probably be better removed from the footnote and added to the main text, given you change it to fit accordingly.
The rooms can range in both width and length from between 50 to 100 meters
The specificity here is just not needed. The reader can imagine them better if you just say they vary in size.
but only ever between 3 to 5 meters wide.
The same thing goes here, to be honest. You can say "is just slightly larger than the average wanderer's wingspan in width." to help the reader visualize things easier.
level, though as described in the next paragraph, the light is not always particularly cooperative.
You can entirely remove ", though as described in the next paragraph," as it's redundant. It's a good practice to cut out unnecessary words where you can, as they often may build up and make even the simplest of concepts you try and discuss in the work take 80 words to cover.
above the ground floor..
Double punctuation is used here.
always exactly 13 meters above
You keep doing this thing where you try and be quirky with your measurements, and you should stop it immediately. You're just adding arbitrary specific information to the work and bloating the reader's mind with unnecessary details.
The level generally stays constant temperature of 16.7°C (62°F), but this has been reported to fluctuate between 16°C (60.8°F) and 17.5°C (63.5°F).
Details like this just aren't needed. What am I supposed to do with this? "Ah, yes, this palace is about the temperature of an average Autumn day." This isn't a needed detail, and you don't even try to mask it by describing it in a nice way. I would either omit this or rewrite this detail so that it flows more seamlessly with the rest of your writing.
These spirals are usually perfectly shaped like
I think you should remove "usually" here as it creates a sense of uncertainty as to this phenomenon. It would be a lot more interesting if this was a for-sure thing that occurs.
though they have not been documented
Change they have to "it has".
There are no known bases, outposts or communities on this level due to the obvious danger of not being able to speak truths in everyday conversation as well as the lack of useful resources found in the level.
If this is all the information you're going to include within the outpost section, then you do not need an entire header dedicated to the topic. You can just add this detail to a part of your description instead.
An extremely important aspect of Level 358 that must be cautiously followed is the colloquially-named "Fibber's Rule".
As for your concept, I think that you came into this draft wanting to mainly write about this phenomenon and just included the actual environment of the level as an afterthought. If you want this rule to be a large part of your level, then you actually need to design the environment around it. You should have escaping this level require co-operation to accomplish. Maybe only groups of two or more can enter the level and they enter at two locations where they're unable to physically meet eachother, but they must use their voices to communicate how they can escape in this dark location where they must completely depend on the other. (Like the level is some weird escape room.) But, that's a very specific suggestion. I recommend you experiment with what you can do with space in relation to this rule, as you have some sliver of something cool here.
Duckolium, 20 Mar 2024 14:23