+1 Good page
+1 for sure, really fun page.
Object 67 - "ChocoBytes!" / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page Object 67 - "ChocoBytes!".
Thank you very much, Derrick.
You are a Ghost! 👻
And a good one ;-)
Rhauniel Strange-(Yilda Dagger) "Author of Terroria"
It's good [○`~○]
Very good, good job! [^_^]
Thank you very much, Error.
I really appreciate it.
You are a Ghost! 👻
And a special one ;-)
Rhauniel Strange-(Yilda Dagger) "Author of Terroria"
I must upvote!
Keep going and never give up.
Thank you soo much, Afulai!
Rhauniel Strange-(Yilda Dagger) "Author of Terroria"
This page is super fun and energetic, the tone fits perfectly in both offsets, and just the amount of worldbuilding and detail you’ve put into this makes it super enjoyable. You explain the true effects of the bad in the second offset in a way that sounds professional, yet is still easy to understand, and that is one of the hardest things to achieve in writing.
I sadly can’t make a comment on predictability because I’ve read the page before haha, but I really enjoyed reading it again and seeing how much it’s progressed since my last crit. Truly, great job.
I did find a few SPaG errors and things that I’d rephrase, and if you want me to go over that on disc, I’d be happy to, but it was nothing that took away from the overall execution and enjoyment of the page.
Absolutely loved reading this, fantastic first page, I hope more upvotes come your way.
Thank you very much, Moon.
You know the process this page had, that´s why I admire you.
And you passed this process with me, Thanks for existing.
You are a Ghost! 👻
Rhauniel Strange-(Yilda Dagger) "Author of Terroria"
Okay why do I actually want to try this? Minus the danger, it sounds like it tastes good.
Tempting, isn't it? :-D
Rhauniel Strange-(Yilda Dagger) "Author of Terroria"
There are some writing issues, but I like the concept. I don't like the implication of death from eating the bars, because I wouldn't really eat one ever. Those asking what it has to do with the Backrooms I could honestly ask that of any quirky food item on the list.
Thank you very much, Atlas!
Rhauniel Strange-(Yilda Dagger) "Author of Terroria"
Thank you, Goerman!
You are a Ghost! 👻 =)
Rhauniel Strange-(Yilda Dagger) "Author of Terroria"
aside from a few SPaG errors (as ReyDay pointed out, i really love this page. i really like how the writing style fits both offsets, as well as the twist when it comes to offset 1 (even though i did have the thoughts of "this is too good to be true")
overall, a +1 from chara :3
CharaDotArchivist
The demon that comes when you call her name.
Thank you so much, Chara!
You are a Good Ghost 👻 =)
Rhauniel Strange-(Yilda Dagger) "Author of Terroria"
I would have novoted, excusing the rather pour execution of the concept of "good thing bad" (base page optimistic and offset negative, obvious twist, rather poor explanation, also unnatural dialogue) with the writing of the base page if the (actually cool) original advertising writing wasn't as repetitive with basically the page just saying "wow they are good", it would have been good to read about the variety more.
Overall I think you didn't go too deep in your deceptive concept, which is a shame because this meant the page was predictible and not very catchy.
But I almost novoted seeing the fun writing of the base page, which was quite refreshing from the usual corporate ad writing usually used in such page. I'm sure if you expand the concept to write something more unique and in-depth the page will land better!
Thank you very much for the advise, Praetor!
Rhauniel Strange-(Yilda Dagger) "Author of Terroria"
You've come so far… Not only as an author, or writer or whatever. Also, as how I see it, as a person. You see, we struggle our brains back and forth, but as members of society, as humans, we've got things we have to do. We always reflect on our past, on what we could have done, on what some things could have been. But in the grand scheme of things, it turns out. It doesn't matter. We can get hurt along the way, or perhaps we can also end up hurting others, be it by mistake, or as a result of our predestined fate. We are going to face many bumps along the road, but we eventually have to reach somewhere. We in fact Need to reach somewhere.
Or else… what's the point of it all?
We live. We eat. We sleep. We live… That's basic routine for anyone. And one doesn't have any choice but wonder if that's all there is to it. It indeed does seem that simple, a simple survival cycle every human, nearly every living being follows to get by.
Sometimes it's a happy journey. Other times, unfortunately, it's sad. Some others are with fulfilling, plenty of company. While on instances, we do it, well. Alone. And that's where the difference lies in us, in humans as a species: we can give this incredibly conflicting journey a purpose. If we just went on and on and on succumbing ourselves to an emotion-filled rollercoaster with no end on sight without even wondering, without even pondering if there's a point to it all, wouldn't we lose ourselves along the way?
I'm not trying to teach anyone a lesson or anything with this. What do I know, after all. I'm just an average guy roaming the internet with no expertise in anything whatsoever, anything I say could someone more experienced than me come and just say it with probably more accurate points and knowledge or straight up debunk it. But this is how I've come to see things, be it for better or for worse. This is how I've seen the world during all these years. This is how I face life. I have many regrets. I have wondered many times if perhaps I should have observed things with a different lens. Maybe I should have looked more carefully into what I was choosing to give my attention to, or it's also possible that I should have looked into myself when I still had the chance to take different decisions than the ones I took. That way, I may have ended in a different situation than the one I'm in right now.
But, when I think about it, I figure that would also be a problem of its own. Simply cause, if other things had happened, then the things that have actually happened wouldn't have happened in the first place. Some of the foundations that form what I am wouldn't be here right now. I, in other words, wouldn't be myself. I wouldn't be the me that stands here today, the me that has talked to people, made connections, and shared good memories with others. It's also the me that has experienced several difficulties, the me that has gone through not so happy pathwalks, as like other people. Everyone has problems of their own, but it's these that form what we truly are. We can't change the past, but it's from here that we can shape our future. The "us" that is here right now, fruit of all our journey until now, has the power to do so.
So why not do it? That's what I believe. Sometimes we have to leave some things behind, or simply learn to live with what we have made, willingly or not, ourselves be. That's fine. But it's from here that the journey really begins, for it's never too late, cause it's also never too soon. And a journey towards where? Well, towards anywhere, really. It doesn't even matter if we don't know where it'll be. The fact that we've simply thought about it is enough, because it's that very thing that makes us human.
I know we all will reach somewhere. We need to after all, as that'll be what has made us who we've been. That's why whenever I talk to someone new, I feel like I can give them a chance in spite of the past only they themselves are aware of. So I want to try and become a better version of myself. What about you?
Congratulations on your first page being posted. I'm sorry I couldn't reply earlier, but I was hands full struggling to keep the degree going, as well as coming to terms with the role I may play in society. It's not something big or anything of course, but to myself it's important on its own accord. I enjoyed the article, it has its own cheerish atmosphere while presenting its ideas, accompanied by a sharp turn in tone halfway through that kept me engaged. I will say I'm sure this is not the pinacle of what you could create by any means, you've got potential that much I'm sure of. But it's now something you can call yours, regardless of what any essentially meaningless numerical rating says, for it's something that has come from the you that has reached this point. I don't know you in person, but I've had fun talking to you whenever I could, and as for the individual I know behind the screen, I do believe you've reached far posting the page. I'm glad my advices got somewhere at least. Cheers, see ya around.
Hello, Eri. How are you?
I’ve been disconnecting from the world of the Backrooms and Discord servers. I admit, I’ve been writing a lot outside of this realm, things that make me happy and make me think I have the talent to write. However, there are moments when it feels like nothing makes sense, like what I do has no meaning, just like my life and my daily actions.
I find myself in a delicate situation that's been eating me up inside. It's personal, mostly emotional. I haven't felt like writing, not just out of laziness (I admit, I’m lazy and if no one tells me to brush my hair, I won’t), but out of fear of failure. There are people as good as you, extremely helpful and kind when it comes to giving feedback or helping others, but not everyone thinks that way. Most just want to hurt, corrupt souls, and destroy the dreams and hopes people have, the dreams and hopes I have. You wouldn’t believe the list of ideas I have for the Backrooms, and yet, all that’s published right now is ChocoBytes.
At one point, I thought, “They’re right, ChocoBytes makes no sense…”
But despite what negative people say, there are others like you who find everything I write entertaining, amazing, and intriguing. And that makes me happy.
I admit, happiness is temporary, everything ends, but so does failure. Your words and advice have taught me that just as there is failure and those who say you’ll never make it, there are others who read my work, love it, vote for it, and support me, telling me I will succeed and that I’ve grown from where I was before.
Thanks to you and many other good people, I’ve learned that failure won’t be there forever. Ignorant and critical people will leave, they will quiet down, and in the end, they’ll just be what they are: words.
Maybe not everyone will like what I write, but people like you inspire me to do things I never thought I’d do again. Writing for the Backrooms.
It may take me some time to return, but I will.
Thank you so much for your vote, Ericote. If you’re not feeling well, are stressed, or need to talk to a friend, if you feel on the edge of despair, you can always count on me. You are my friend, Eri, and the best ghost I’ve known in my short and vast life.
Thank you for reading, and thank you for existing. You’re doing great, and no matter the ups and downs you’re going through or what people say, I’ll be there for you just as you were there for me. And if I’m not available in those moments, just respond: “Whatever, friend. I don’t care.”
Thank you for your words and for voting for my article, you help me a lot. You have no idea how much I appreciate it and how grateful I am to you. I hope your life is full of good and positive things and that your future career is the best you’ve ever had and that you love it.
”It's never too late to succeed and never too early to fail. Ultimately, both will come and reveal who you are and how high you can soar.” —Rhauniel Strange.
Take care and God bless you, Ericote. Thank you for being the friend I needed and the advisor I longed for.
Rhauniel Strange-(Yilda Dagger) "Author of Terroria"
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