snipe
very cool :3
+1
CharaDotArchivist
The demon that comes when you call her name.
Object 33 - “RoboPets” / Discussion
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» Object 33 - “RoboPets”
This is the discussion related to the wiki page Object 33 - “RoboPets”.
this article is a good one for the contest, so yeah. i like it and also, i need a bird robopet rn (i don’t care that it’ll attack me, i just need one)
overall, +1 for you and the contest :)
also, the link at the bottom is still linked to the sandbox (as of the comment’s posting), though I’m assuming that it’ll be fixed. fixed :D
The page didn't manage to grab my attention as it goes too far into detail for things that aren't important such as weight yet It doesn't actually detail the stuff that I'm curious about. It mentions entity resistant titanium which raises SO many questions??? And why are they registered to attack *all* entities??? Thats just begging for trouble even if it didn't include humans. Theres so many entities you DONT want to provoke!
Over all, no vote.
I meant that there was an error in the code that made them attack all entities, but they were not intended to do so. I see how the wording was misleading, and it has been fixed.
the art is cute. the first page was a bit of a drag to get through, since it was quite repetitive.
the offset with the twist is really bad imo, and it's a twist already used in a page of this canon (like, the exact same — an AI told to kill hostile entities finds out humans are classified as such, kills humans)
You promised you'd take me there again some day… but you never did.
Gosh darn it, why can’t any of my ideas be original :thatonedissolveemoji:
I appreciate your feedback though. I may end up rewriting this based on how the votes turn out, who knows.
i didn't catch this when i first read it but the 2 M.E.G. links don't actually lead to the M.E.G. page
the correct link would be http://backrooms-wiki.wikidot.com/the-m-e-g
CharaDotArchivist
The demon that comes when you call her name.
Not one to complain, but my Gecko RoboPet does not offer much storage area. And, to be honest, I think that I might have purchased a knockoff or cheap imitation from that B.N.T.G. vendor. For some reason, I have to wind mine up to make it go. +1 anyways!
Your friend and colleague,
Goerman
http://backrooms-wiki.wikidot.com/goerman
Reasons for the downvote:
Unattractive first page: Hmm, the first page should serve to retain the audience and introduce the background, requiring some effort to write. However, does this first page achieve that? I think not. It appears like an IKEA furniture catalog or a restaurant menu, introducing each dish or piece of furniture. What I mean is, will readers really go through these nearly 9/10 pages of bland toy introductions? I wouldn't, because the descriptions are just that—literal explanations of what these toy pets are, along with their prices, without any hint of foreshadowing or metaphor. I can confidently say that removing all these toy pet introductions and replacing them with a simple sentence, "These toy pets can help vagrants kill hostile entities," would convey the exact same amount of information to the reader. Scutoid mentioned how repetitive the first page is, so i think i won't elaborate that again.
Mascot horror: Well, no, I'm not saying you can't do mascot horror, but you should at least have the horror element before adding the mascot. In my view, the author's focus in writing the entire first page does not seem to lay the groundwork for subsequent offsets. Rather, it simply seems to showcase cute yet dangerous little animals to the readers. At least from the feedback, you can see that people appreciate the artwork of this page, yes, most of the positive upvotes reviews are written in this manner. However, it doesn't really match the concept of The backrooms. I mean, the concept of cute mascot horror robots attacking humans isn't much better than that of a murder monster. I would prefer to see it in somewhere else.
Predictable plot: To be honest, from the first line mentioning that it can help its owner defending the entities, I could foresee the subsequent AI malfunction and then the attack on humans. The creation of humans turning against humanity is not a very rare element for works in the mascot horror genre. You can see this in works like FNaF (Five Nights at Freddy), Poppy's Playtime, and even Bendy and the Ink Machine. It's cliched, overused, and therefore quite boring. Moreover, this plot element has been written about before here in The backrooms and even the same canon, according to comments by Scutoid.
sidenote/off-topic:
The concept isn't… bad, and according to the vote, it seems quite reputable, i guess majority of the TS/EN community enjoyed it, i might be the one who's being too high standard on our site quality.
But still, i'd like to see a rewrite of this piece, it would be nice to fix the issue i mentioned before, despite it might leads to a total rework on the plot, layout structure and even the core concept.
Thank you for your feedback, and I agree. This page could have been a lot better and Liurnia is helping me rework it to make it better. I should have waited to get more critique, but nevertheless, my writer’s ego got the best of me.
I will say that the indus canon itself is a bit detached from the concept of the backrooms and leans into dystopian horror more than anything, so any page following that premise will be naturally detached as well, along with the unfortunate fact that nearly every AI/robot horror story has already been told(yet I chose to write about it. Why do I do this).
I hope that Liurnia and I can rework it in a way that is of better quality, but some things I cannot change no matter how hard I try.
For every page involving dogs posted in the past week, I’d have 3 nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened three times.
Whoa, it’s a forum signature. Ain’t that cool?
I’m waking up to ash and dust
I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust
My only real complaint is that I feel like these should be classified as entities considering other intelligent AI's/robots are classified as such. Still a good read though!
God Save The King
/forum/t-16744025/object-33-robopets#post-