The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.
I'd just like to preface this with an apology for how many times you had to post about this.
Alright, here goes.
I tried writing crit one sentence at a time, but I thought it'd just be best to give you my suggestions one paragraph at a time. I tried my best to preserve as much of the original as I could.
One of the only surviving photographs of Level 505, taken by unknown authors.
I'd change it to "One of the only surviving photographs of Level 505. The fate of the photographer is unknown."
Original:
Level 505 is looks like a infinitely extended computer room. This level is very dark, there is no other light source other than the computer screen. Because of some unknown effect, the wanderer is fixed to a chair here. So exploring this level is difficult to achieve. Within visual confines, many people sit in front of their computer screens and do nothing other than write code. There will be four questions on the computer in front of the wanderer, and wanderer should try to complete them. So far, only programming problems have been recorded, and they require C++.
What I'd change it to:
Level 505 appears as an infinite office room, filled with desks with computers on them. Each of these desks are occupied by a humanoid entity that only writes code on their respective computer. The level itself is very dark, with the only light source being the computer screens. When entering the level, the wanderer will be seated at a desk. It is impossible to leave the chair they are seated in, so exploration of the level is likely impossible.
I'd also suggest putting everything about the questions in one paragraph, which is below.
Original:
At Level 505, the wanderer can see a red timer in the air. This timer counts down from 3:00:00, which means that the wanderer needs to complete the question within the allotted time. The consequences of not completing the question within the allotted time are unknown. Each question has ten test cases, and incorrect answers to the question result in some penalties that correspond to the cause of the error, and the penalties that have been recorded are as follows:
What I'd suggest changing it to:
On the computer in front of the wanderer, there will be a series of four questions. While in Level 505, a red timer can be seen hovering over the computer. This timer counts down from 3:00:00, indicating that the wanderer needs to complete the questions within the allotted time. The questions have only been recorded to be about programming, and will require experience with the C++ language to answer. The consequences of not completing the question within the allotted time are unknown. Each question has ten test cases, and incorrect answers to the question result in some penalties that correspond to the cause of the error, and the penalties that have been recorded are as follows:
I'd suggest removing "the" from the collapsible, and capitalizing "Documented Penalties"
I'd also suggest removing the abbreviations for the penalties.
I'm not entirely sure what "runtime error" is supposed to be for.
Original:
According to some wanderers, Level 505 may be "compiling code with the brains of wanderers. "Because the punishment and compilation results are not displayed on the computer, but immediately take effect on the wanderer. So staying in this level can lead to permanent brain damage.
Other types of punishment have not been recorded, and the M.E.G will improve it as soon as possible.
What I'd suggest changing it to:
Some wanderers have proposed the theory that Level 505 is using the brain of the wanderer to compile the code, since the punishment and compilation results are not displayed on the computer, but instead take effect within the wanderer's mind. If this theory is correct, then it is entirely possible that a large number of punishments could lead to permanent brain damage. It is not recommended to try and test this theory.
Additional punishments will be added as soon as they are discovered.
I think the next section would work better if you used "Entities" as the heading instead.
Original:
According to known descriptions, "The Proctor" look similar to "The Coder", but do not attack wanderers when they are not "cheating". It should therefore be considered a neutral entity.
What I'd suggest changing it to:
Aside from the many seated humanoids, Level 505 only has one native entity, referred to as the Proctor.
The Proctor is a humanoid entity with an appearance similar to that of the Coders. The Proctor will occasionally be seen walking around the room, occasionally stopping to examine a humanoid's screen for several minutes before resuming their previous behavior. Despite the somewhat intimidating appearance, at this point, the Proctor is considered a neutral entity, and will completely ignore wanderers.
The Proctor's behavior will radically change when the wanderer participates in actions that it considers to be "cheating." Actions considered cheating include using other devices like mobile phones, taking pictures, and attempting to look at the screens of humanoids. Upon engaging in cheating behavior, regardless of whether the Proctor is actually visible, the computer screen will turn black, the timer will change to say "YOU CHEATED!", and wanderers will feel an overwhelmingly oppressive presence.
In all recorded cases, contact with the wanderer was lost within 30 seconds, with no visible cause if the Proctor was not seen when the wanderer cheated. If the Proctor was visible when the wanderer cheats, the Proctor will freeze in place before slowly standing up straight and turning to face the wanderer. The Proctor will then run towards the wanderer at speeds estimated to be upwards of 30 mph1, with contact being lost when they reach the wanderer. What happens to the wanderer after loss of contact is unknown.
For the Bases, Outposts, and Communities, I'd change "special" to "unique".
In Level 400, noclipping a running host can bring you here.
I'm not sure what "host" means, so I'd recommend changing it to "computer".
There is also an entry in the data flow of Level 404.
I'd change it to "There is an entrance in the data flow of Level 404, although the location of the entrance is unknown."
Wanderers in Level 75 sometimes come here, and the reason is temporarily unknown.
I'd change it to "Wanderers in Level 75 will occasionally noclip and end up here for unknown reasons."
An electronic device in Level 113 can take you here.
I'd change it to "Certain electronic devices in Level 113 will bring you here."
Do as much as possible on all the problems that will take you to Level 4.
I'd change it to "Completing all of the problems, regardless of performance, will take you to Level 4."
The consequences of not finishing the question are unknown, but there is a good chance it will take you to Level 479.
I'd change it to "One wanderer who claims to have been taken by the Proctor says that they woke up in Level 479, although this is not confirmed."
As for that last bit, while it is pretty cool, the top and side bars are still overlayed on top of it, so I recommend you fix that.
"By excluding the human factor, aren't we risking the kind of personal detachment from a history that may, heaven forbid, lead us to one day repeat it? And in the end, isn't the human factor the only true difference between us and the enemy we now refer to as 'the living dead'?" -Max Brooks, from World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War, written by Max Brooks
Oh my goodness! You have given me too much help!
The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.
Are there any more criticisms? Or greenlight?
The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.
The final part, which is nice and all, still needs to be limited with the amount of time that it may appear for, as refreshing the page just to continue reading is very inconvenient.
-The infamous radioactive piece of bread.
Are there any more criticisms? Or greenlight?
The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.
Are there any more criticisms? Or greenlight?
The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.
Are there any more criticisms? Or greenlight?
The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.
~ Noting I have responded with feedback in pm.
Just a high schooler who thinks he is good at writing. Likes working on a lot of stuff, ranging from writing for the Backrooms Wiki, to providing critique, and reading. ~ Pen.
"The truth is the truth. What changes is what we know about it and what we're willing to believe."
- Jonathan Maberry, Rot and Ruin
Are there any more criticisms? Or greenlight?
The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.