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My favorite idea is the theory that it's multiple levels that clipped together. That's such a unique idea and justifies all the different parts coming together. The tone was just a bit off for me. A little too casual for my tastes, but not enough for a downvote. Overall, nice work!
Thank you! Is there a specific reason you felt the tone was off so I can improve in future articles?
Apollo >:3
“Having the irrepressible urge to gag and to throw the food away. Whether it was from the horrible smell of the mould or something else, I don't know!”
The dialogue feels a little too fake for me, a little too on the nose for what's going on in the page. I would have liked the information to be filtered through a character. The dialogue at the moment is just exposition. It's not a bad thing, but I think logs could have served your page better than just a snippet of an interview, if that makes sense.
As for tone, there's not really… a specific reason? Sorry for the vagueness, but I truly think it's just a "me" thing and not something you need to worry about. I suppose though, this bit is a good indicator for me.
Strangely, the majority of people who have seen, held, or even tried to take a bite out of these foods describe a peculiar sense of self-consciousness wash over them.
This bit is a bit more editorial than the rest of the section it's in. You're trying to write in clinical tone, yeah? This bit is a jump from that, especially the bolded words, and that's probably why it felt "off" to me. Again, it's probably just a personal preference.
Oh, okay, I see now. Thank you so much, I’ll take this into account!
Apollo >:3
Here’s my entry for Classicon2023! Any crits please don’t be afraid to write as I am always looking for improvement.
Apollo >:3
I like it too :3
Apollo >:3
There are some SPaG errors throughout but nothing that becomes a huge issue. I would say this is more inspired by classic pages rather than a recreation of one but tbh you use enough elements that it's justified as part of the con. It's obvious you've put a lot of effort into this article and it's an interesting read.
Thank you so much! Do you mind pointing out where the SPaG errors are so I can correct them? Not pressuring, of course, I just want to make the article best as possible.
Apollo >:3
Sorry I'm so late getting back to this.
Some things I noticed throughout: "the smallest store in Level 253" things are on levels, not in them. There are a couple places where there should be a gap between sperate paragraphs. "Frontrooms" should always be capitalised.
Some less general things: "feeling dizzy, feeling sweaty and cold." "feeling" should only be used once here at the start. "The longer theFacelings attack for the more overwhelming the music gets" needs a space between "the" and "Facelings" and "for" should be removed. "perfectly circular in shape.4The second" needs a space between the footnote number and "The".
Thank you so much! I'll fix them now.
Apollo >:3
Consuming any food or drink on Level 11 has a small chance of bringing you to this level.
Really? You're really doing this to us? Why does this site have an obsession with making Level 11 more and more uninhabitable? 11.3, the Chamber, and now this. (I mean this lightheartedly, but still.)
Besides that, good Level. Nice atmosphere, interesting effects, and by the time I finished, I was actually starting to feel a little anxious IRL. Well done, +1.
"By excluding the human factor, aren't we risking the kind of personal detachment from a history that may, heaven forbid, lead us to one day repeat it? And in the end, isn't the human factor the only true difference between us and the enemy we now refer to as 'the living dead'?" -Max Brooks, from World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War, written by Max Brooks
This site hadsan obsession with making Level 11 uninhabitable? I had no idea….
Sorry for making you anxious ahaha, (although that was kinda the point of the level). Thanks for the upvote!
Apollo >:3
it seems purely deadly, and none of the sections have any unique gimmicks that sets them apart them from other deadly levels of the era this article is trying to improve on…
-1
