Retroactive Clear
Due to this article getting the required checks, it is not a coldpost. However, this should not happen again please.
THIS IS A STAFF POST. DO NOT REPLY.
Entity 142 - "Evolution Engine" / Discussion
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» Entity 142 - "Evolution Engine"
This is the discussion related to the wiki page Entity 142 - "Evolution Engine".
This page was greenlit by PenOrSaber1. It was never a coldpost.
Hello, hello, everyone! This is not a coldpost.
I gave it a greenlight.
While I do believe that this is a bit wordy, I'm fine with it.
+1.
Please reconsider your votes, if you voted due to thinking it was a coldpost. The Guy (guy) just happened to post this right when I was offline and wasn't looking at wikidot, so its not their fault. Just a thing of chance.
Just a high schooler who thinks he is good at writing. Likes working on a lot of stuff, ranging from writing for the Backrooms Wiki, to providing critique, and reading. ~ Pen.
"The truth is the truth. What changes is what we know about it and what we're willing to believe."
- Jonathan Maberry, Rot and Ruin
Among other things, my downvote is staying for spag errors.
Goodness, wikidot has a weird account system. What's this weird forum signature thi
can you tell me where the spag errors are?
"CLANKERS AT THE GATE, LADS!"
- Demoman TF2
Please ignore this post.
Just a high schooler who thinks he is good at writing. Likes working on a lot of stuff, ranging from writing for the Backrooms Wiki, to providing critique, and reading. ~ Pen.
"The truth is the truth. What changes is what we know about it and what we're willing to believe."
- Jonathan Maberry, Rot and Ruin
The writing, especially in the clinical section, is honestly okay. The SPaG and flow are good. However, the page plays itself completely straight. First, you describe a powerful entity and its abilities, and then you have a log where the abilities are demonstrated in practice (even then, I feel like many of the things which make the entity unique aren’t demonstrated). The issue with this is that there isn’t really a setup and a punchline here for me, just the description of an entity and then it engaging in entity shenanigans. The thing which makes the log format work best is often usually kind of twist or a strong character moment. Here there isn’t really anything noteworthy. I’m not a massive fan of the concept, but there are ways to explore it more. Another thing with logs that this doesn’t have is a proper feeling of mystery, as the entity and its abilities have already been described for several paragraphs beforehand. In addition, the log is somewhat odd, and the dialogue feels unbelievable to me (this is something I also struggle with myself).
Fine for a first page, definitely a good start regardless.
thank you
"CLANKERS AT THE GATE, LADS!"
- Demoman TF2
I was trying my best to refrain from responding to any comments on this, since it was The Guy's article, not mine. But I have to address this one.
Not every article has to have an image. I mean, what sort of image would match the creature that The Guy is describing? Furthermore, it doesn't need one because The Guy described it vividly with plenty of descriptory details. One can imagine how the creature looks without an image and it is probably better that way. The author doesn't have to include one if they don't want to and an image in this case would be unnecessary. Not everyone has the ability to make an image or draw one. The addition of an image might even drag down the quality of an article.
Just becuase it doesn't have an image doesn't seem to me like a valid excuse to have when no-voting.
Okay. I won't be responding to any more comments. I'll let Guy handle them.
Just a high schooler who thinks he is good at writing. Likes working on a lot of stuff, ranging from writing for the Backrooms Wiki, to providing critique, and reading. ~ Pen.
"The truth is the truth. What changes is what we know about it and what we're willing to believe."
- Jonathan Maberry, Rot and Ruin
powerful for powerful's sake, and clunky lapses in clinical tone.
-1
/forum/t-16405278/entity-142-evolution-engine#post-