+1
Looks like most of my feedback got implemented. I think this is a neat level with totally nothing sus about it in the slightest.
Level 105 - "Prayerhouse" / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page Level 105 - "Prayerhouse".
Kept me hooked from the beginning to end. I love articles that have the ability to do that.
+1
Just a high schooler who thinks he is good at writing. Likes working on a lot of stuff, ranging from writing for the Backrooms Wiki, to providing critique, and reading. ~ Pen.
"The truth is the truth. What changes is what we know about it and what we're willing to believe."
- Jonathan Maberry, Rot and Ruin
Definitely better than the old level 105 but im still pretty mixed on this overall, I think the offset is cool but the main article itself is a bit boring. I do like the image though. Novote
yoink_
The premise of the article is fine, but it needs better execution. The are numerous SPaG errors that I spotted in the first part of the page, and besides that, it doesn't really have much content. After that, you just… completely switch the entire direction of the page, which doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing, but in this case I believe it is because of how it's done. You basically abandon the "show don't tell" principle and tell the readers everything in big bold lettering. In all honesty, I think it would've been better if there were subtle hints throughout the first page that allow the viewer to piece together that not everything is as it seems, such as cover-ups that weren't executed seamlessly — something of the like that exudes suspicion. The offset itself is fine I suppose, but given that it comes off of the preceding page, it's greatly detrimented. Also, in my opinion, a page with offsets should be able to function without its parts combined. For example, you really don't do anything special with the unique environment that a multi-religion church could be. Overall, this comes together as a downvote, though I do see the potential for improvement.
There can't be any hints, the reader is supposed to be hit all at once with it. Also you could point out the SPaG errors so I can fix those instead of just saying there are SPaG errors. The main page isn't supposed to be special, it's supposed to be a regular church that serves as a decoy for the Iron Fist,. They can't make it too big and grand. That defeats the entire purpose of it being a decoy that's supposed to give a nice outside appearance without exaggerating. If you do end up giving proper suggestions that I can implement instead of being vague, then I will think about it.
It doesn't need to be big and grand, but it could at least be somewhat interesting with demographics and whatnot, like how the crowd is split and the interpersonal relationships between religions. I don't have the time to point out SPaG errors right now, but I will when I can
Adding that, the part where you mention that the page needs to work on it's own without the offset is like… No. The offset is there for a reason, the main page is fine, it's like a regular classic level.
Odd word choices sprinkled across the page (mainly passive tone used which feels out of place in the type of article the first bit is) and some iffy ideas on how religion works. The place is obviously a Christian church, and I really don't feel like this place could be a uninamous place for all religions. Unfortunately, religions don't often mesh well like that! Not to mention lumping literally every religion into one building to "pray" (which kind of simplifies religious practices) kind of feel like it dumbs down how religion works? Maybe people who are actually religious can tell me I'm wrong for thinking this, but from my own experience and thought processes I don't feel like that'd work. My great uncle is Bhuddist, and my grand mother (on the other side of the family) is Christian. Protestant, specifically.
Also, the offset is unbearable. I didn't actually read more than a paragraph. I know, I know, I didn't give it a chance, but the Iron Fist is so laughably superficially evil I cannot take it seriously. When you have the quote "We were successfully able to deceive the public eye by pretending to be a mere community of harmless believers of different faiths, and to this day no threats are aware of the secrets hidden behind the walls." then you have successfully killed all subtlety. It makes them laughable, and I choose not to read the rest so my opinion on the level can be higher.
Eyy.. i just typed a loada garrbagge
The altar does not show any sort of religious symbol.
Oh really? Because I see a crucifix clearly sitting their on the center of the altar.
my criticisms of this page remain the same since my thoughts last year:
- spag errors.
- twist has no set-up and is executed in bold lettering.
- church in the image is clearly christian; many religions do not feature prayer as an activity, and the page doesn't dwell on the implications of a multi-religion church. you could argue that the purpose of the page was exploring the nefarious plans of the iron fist in the first place, but then, what was the point of leaving in this detail as opposed to just making it an orthodox church?
- in conjunction with creating this setting of a multi-religion church, the page is divorced from any real-world religious abuse or metaphor a reader could take out of this article. 'too good to be true thing is indeed too good to be true; did you really think different religions could co-exist lol?'
by including these topics in your pages, you should be prepared to approach them in a way that at least acknowledges their inclusion and ties them to your final story. why is the iron fist masquerading as a church despite despising religion? why mathematical symbols (do they function as any deterrent to real divine forces in the backrooms)? why wouldn't the explorers of faith be pushy, despite the fact that being more proactive would hardly raise suspicion as that is how many pre-existing faiths function? you have so many interesting elements at play here.
-1
I love this level so much. It's so lore rich and awesome, but I do have a question: Are followers of the Ophion Occult Order allowed here? Are there peacekeepers in place to make sure nobody does anything too dangerous?
/forum/t-16370686/level-105-prayerhouse#post-