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good twist ending, caught me off-guard
"Goodbye," we said, thinking it was the last we'd see of each other. How cruel is it that our paths instead continued down the same hallway? And so we walked it wordlessly, but next to each other, not wanting to let go. Yet as our journey together finally came to its end, I could not escape my foolishness but shouted "See you tomorrow!" You just turned and smiled. I still think about it. Miss you.
hehehehaha! it's pretty obvious though, when you look back and read the letter again after finding it out. it's kind of weird and obsessive.
You promised you'd take me there again some day… but you never did.
yeah, there definitely are enough hints in the letter
"Goodbye," we said, thinking it was the last we'd see of each other. How cruel is it that our paths instead continued down the same hallway? And so we walked it wordlessly, but next to each other, not wanting to let go. Yet as our journey together finally came to its end, I could not escape my foolishness but shouted "See you tomorrow!" You just turned and smiled. I still think about it. Miss you.
Wow, it's very amusing.
fixed
sure sure PM me if you want and i'll get right to it
i don't check wikiPMs often so thanks for letting me know here
You promised you'd take me there again some day… but you never did.
The hints of obsession are certainly there, but I was expecting it to escalate by the end, even just some creepy sentences like "I'm sending someone to find you and show you the way!" that imply a potential imminent threat. Otherwise at the end I'm left kinda nonplussed; yes there's lots of spam emails, but they’re the same "passive" creepiness.
Anyway, cool letter css!
I felt doing something like that would have been extremely cheap. I didn't want to cover an actual imminent threat someone was facing so much as a threat to their comfort, which I think is a type of worry that WOULD happen in the Backrooms, but isn't touched on often.
This person isn't going to get killed by this other guy anyway, he's obsessed but he wouldn't like hurt her or anything, he'd be easy to escape (or you could just tell the M.E.G. you don't want to go and they wouldn't take you there) — a physical threat would be hard to justify
Edit: that being said I did escalate it slightly. I wanted to imply that this would be a pretty terribly lonely existence for this guy apart from his obsession with this lady, and that she would have a terrible time with just him there. So I included the line near the bottom
I like that we'd be alone if we were here!
and that's as far as I wanted to take it
You promised you'd take me there again some day… but you never did.
what if the person that sent the letter is actually a entity, and level 267 is actually a trap level?
y'know, i hadn't thought of it that way, but that's a totally valid interpretation
You promised you'd take me there again some day… but you never did.
hmm, i don't know how i feel about this one. the guy sending the letter comes across as more cheesy rather than obsessive and creepy; he doesn't mention any personal details about sarah and only rambles about the environment. in fact, i don't think there's anything in the letter itself that suggests he's stalking her, nor do we get any hint that she's tried avoiding his advances in the past or something (for example, he could mention that he'll be sending this message via the meg because the standard service "must have jammed"). additionally, the wording of the closing sentence almost seems like it plays the trope for comedic value:
…does the M.E.G. do restraining orders?
overall, this is an incredibly creative concept, but i feel like it could have been executed better.
-1
yes, it does play the trope for comedic value, that is the point of the page
that's fair enough if you don't jive with that or find it funny, but it was the whole idea from the get go so i don't think i'll rewrite it a different way or anything
i don't think there's a "standard service" for backrooms letters, but yeah i could have put some more hints. i did prefer to have it at the time that you couldn't really tell (and just thought he was being cheesy but overall sweet) because you'd read it and feel like "hey if i received this letter i'd be like _aww_ even if it's cheesy because that's romantic" but then when it turns out the girl received them tons of times but doesn't really know the guy it would totally shatter what you were thinking initially
it could be more complete if there were more hints in the beginning, but i didn't want to go too far and make it too heavy-handed
thank you for reading it anyway, it means a lot <3
You promised you'd take me there again some day… but you never did.
I think the prose of this could use some tweaking. I guess it’s realistic in the aspect that it seems like a letter someone would write, but it doesn’t flow as nicely as I think it could. The structure was very obviously trying to mimic the standard level template, and I feel like you could’ve blended it in with the rest of the letter a bit more. It kind of broke the immersion for me.
I do like the ending, as Endrew said, the hints of obsession were there, but I feel like you could’ve just done more with it, you know? It feels more comedic than it is scary, and maybe that was your goal, but I think that hinders the story more than it elevates it.
I will say that the letter thing was pretty cool. I do like all the different coding elements that tie this all together (I’m sure looking back you have your own issues with it, but I think it’s still pretty neat.)
Overall, I like this, but I feel like there’s a bit too much holding it back for me to upvote it.
