+1
This reminds me of Jacob’s Ladder/One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.
I like :)
Level 479 - "ME AFTER THE LOBOTOMY 😂😂❗❗😂❗❗❗" / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page Level 479 - "ME AFTER THE LOBOTOMY 😂😂❗❗😂❗❗❗".
from the disturbing photo to the description itself i was ANXIOUS from beginning to end !! gj
You promised you'd take me there again some day… but you never did.
Concise, harrowing, and engaging. What more to say? (Besides excellent work, of course.)
oh thats what the level is titled. Even better actually
This sure was a level.
Cool little short level, it's alright
My only complaint would be that the entrance section has NOTHING to it
Considering the information that was provided by the wanderers regarding everything else in relation to the level, i feel like they should remember SOMETHING about how they got there.
At least like, when they entered another level they were sent there first. Or like, they were just walking and boom teleport. I feel like "i don't know how it happens but it happens randomly" like it's an RNG check every frame with no other explanation is not very good :(
Apart from that is cool
Good and eerie while being intriguing! I wish there was more on the entity, but I also understand why there wasn't. Nice job!
Ha!
Liminal Echo and "time" are hard at work.
2027?
Plan to read this again.
I might need help with the big words.
Love the "mental" glitches!
No stagnation here…
Your friend and colleague,
Goerman
http://backrooms-wiki.wikidot.com/goerman
(account deleted)funny
hi it is me aaron92
Alright so after a read my verdict is: no-vote!
Positives:
+ Wonderfully interesting concept
+ LOVE the writing style
+ Page name on level list lmao
Negatives:
- As I already mentioned I love the writing style… but HOO BOY I can already tell a lot of SLE folks are gonna have a hard time readin this.
- Mmmm I thought either Lim Greyspace or Nuterminal theme might have been more fitting for the atmosphere you was goin for! They're dark but pretty plain and close to the default, which I find fits best with the page.
- Quite minimalistic… wanted MOREEEEE. The biggest complaint I have is how quickly the article ended (which should tell you how enjoyable I found it)… but yeah I expected an interview log with a patient or sum'n at least come onnnnn
- Monster not really scary. I understand the constraints of the format and memory stuff, but there's not enough to really make me feel scared of the entity. My suggestion would be a before/after patient log. Before log builds sympathy and relatability, After log breaks readers' hearts with the patient's mental collapse and general incomprehensibility. This would…
1. Demonstrate the effect of the monster rather than telling us plainly (Show not tell!)
2. Demonstrate the effect of the monster while remaining vague on what it is and how it looks like. If done well, this gives the right balance between uncertainty and description to BUILD fear! We grasp the horrible things it DOES while still being in the dark about what it IS!
3. Allow for even further realism and immersion by a look into the psyche of a lobotomized person. This also adds room for more thematic exploration here (conveys the sympathy we should have for the poor folks with neurodegenerative disease/mental illness/brain damage IRL, maybe?) which is a MAJOR plus.
(Of course I'm dumb as a brick so there might be more subtlety in the article that I missed, I'm not very good at that)
Yep the final two (-) points are what's holdin' me back from an upvote! But yeah within the time limitations set by having A LEVELS this is already awesome
Thank you Saria very cool
Thanks for the critique! It's always nice to see actual long-winded critique of my work. Both helps me get better and humbles me haha.
For posterity to anyone reading, I've responded to Kai in discord dms and we've had a pretty fruitful conversation. I won't spread any of it here because some personal details were exchanged, though it was very positive and I'll definitely keep it in mind for future writing.
Thank you Kai also very cool 😎
There are roads,
a samurai must travel…
/forum/t-16145321/level-479-me-after-the-lobotomy#post-