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Nothing much to say. Worked pretty hard on this, and made a change of pace from my "ooh u gotta survive it scary" theme going on.
Rose wishes u well on your journeys.
SPaG was main issue, so please go ahead and edit it if you need to fix one.
I exist for the sole purpose of writing this
I adore this level, it is clear that a lot of effort was put into it and it came out amazing.
I love how the level seems alive, making it seem as if you are among those who live along the waters of this level. Overall, I just like how immersive it is, and it was executed incredibly well.
Thank you Restartt! I really did put much effort into this, and I think it came out well.
I've tricked myself into possibly writing a tale for Rose now… so…
Thanks!
I exist for the sole purpose of writing this
Amazingly detailed and executed. Well done, my dude :D
Only issue is that none of the entities are linked, but I don't really know if that's possible in a table, so it didn't take away from reading much. Other than that, I enjoyed thoroughly :D
All of the entities ARE linked, just in the paragraph before the table!
I exist for the sole purpose of writing this
aha. im just blind. alright then
this article is perfect in every way =D
Iamalemon,
Without sounding like a Mutual Admiration Society, this effort showed a great deal of, well, effort.
THANK YOU for the mention of Level 710 as an entrance. Much appreciated!
As an author, you are a force to be reckoned with. Guess I have to get busy. Again.
Tip of the hat to my friend and colleague.
Your friend and colleague,
Goerman
http://backrooms-wiki.wikidot.com/goerman
This was an excellent read.
I really like the idea of the "Island Stalkers", they fit the very "alive" feel this level gives off.
I especially enjoyed the details scattered about, really helped me visualize and be immersed in the bits of worldbuilding without being overloaded with information - none of it felt out of place or unnecessary.
10/10
+1 because of the whole concept. There's not much to say about it - it works. Alive islands! Infinite ocean!
HOWEVER. I have a bunch of minor issues with the execution.
1 - The first part of the article - the one where you talk about the infinite ocean and its levels - is a bit messy. You're breaking the clinical tone with really weird expressions like "on the more shallow side" (just say "shallower") and lack of captialization on temperatures, both Fahrenheit and Celsius (which only happened a few times, because you started capitalizing them somewhere mid-article.
2 - I sort of skimmed through the temperatures and measurements. because they didn't mean a lot to me. This is just an idea - but how about you make some sort of template for your ocean levels? Something like what I wrote below:
Level name (idk Shallow Water)
Temperature: 24*C (78*C) (Metric system before imperial system, remember the clinical tone!) (I'm using asterisks because my Kindle can't even input a degree symbol…)
Depth: 69m (420ft)
Description: this level is cool i liek it :]]]] or something
Also, how did they know the depth? (They measured it, right?)
3 - I think the first line of this article says something about an ocean being "estimated to be infinite"?
I'm 99% sure you're not supposed to estimate infinity. Maybe say "[…] an ocean appearing to be infinite." or "[…] a seemingly infinite ocean" if you really want to say that the ocean is probably infinite.
if you correct these mistakes, this article can easily improve even more!
- Mal0gen, the skullgen in your phone.
ill fix these right away! and i don't have any other "ocean levels" planned, so I prolly wont.
edit: fixed up
I exist for the sole purpose of writing this
cool! I forgot to say I liked how you slapped the existing entities on a table - it removed an unnecessary wall of text and replaced it with a really practical thing I could see myself benefitting from (if I was in the Backrooms.)
- Mal0gen, the skullgen in your phone.
ocean depth can be measured in a variety of ways (or was that just part of the template? sry if im stupid)
I agree with these edit suggestions :D
It can be measured in many ways, but remember any scientific measurements are made using the international standards. but it's whatevs lolol, in this case it was a suggestion
- Mal0gen, the skullgen in your phone.
I'd vibe here if I didn't have to give up on Level 48 to make it here reliably.
It's nice to see a water level that isn't based purely around the fear of the ocean. I'd enjoy living on this level, honestly. I can see all of the effort that went into this, wonderful writing!
gah! i feel bad about how long it took me to have time to sit and read this. it's a really incredible article and it's very well written. you can really see how much time and effort you put into it, and i'm always more than happy to see more water-related works onsite :]
i've got that friday night fever, sometimes a man just needs a breather
