Sniped
+1 good article
reminded me a bit of backrooms TCG with the last game giving rewards
Object 47 - "BackROM" / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page Object 47 - "BackROM".
I like this, but it could've used a bit more refinement prior to posting. There's numerous SPaG errors, and at one point, you missed an asterisk and accidentally bolded an entire paragraph instead of just the name of the object.
Good article
Also, is the CLOWNS license supposed to be written twice in the author's section?
Good shit as always Pins
Keep up the grind >:)
Since this is a collaborative article, I should preface this with saying that I'm only referring to the original and not any new additions.
Look Pin, I love you, but did this even pass by any type of SPaG check? The article is littered with misused/missing punctuation, missing words and articles, repetitive wording and redundancies, and incorrectly connected sentences which make the flow feel unnatural. Conceptually, I believe more precedence should've been give to the console itself with the games taking on more of a supportive role and building on top of the ideas the console created. You've got a great idea on your hands, but the execution is, to be quite frank with you, extremely poor.
Just one step / till the next step.
I'm going to be completely honest here, barely worked on the actual object page (which isn't justification for the quality of the page at all) when compared to how much thought I put into the additions. Genuinely, reading through it is a bit embarrassing due to the sheer quantity of errors I missed; I've since then gone through and fixed them so that the page is coherent, which should solve your issue with the page. If you do however notice any errors on any other read through, let me know and I'll gladly fix em. Thanks!
Glad to see you went and fixed it. Most of the major ones have been fixed, though you did miss a few.
also referred to by their informal name "BackROM" by many wanderers who reside in the level
One of my problems with this is the fact that you use the pronoun "they". Besides the fact that the games themselves haven't been introduced yet(so no plurality), the use of "they" makes no sense since it's reffering to the word "Object" and not anything else. The use of it/its would make a lot more sense, not just here, but throughout the whole article as well. In addition, while it's grammatically correct to use prepositions(by) twice or more in a sentence, in this case, it just makes it sound wordy. I suggest swapping the second "by" with something such as "from the".
they begin to produce
Same as earlier. The subject is "Object" so use it/its.
can begin to
Second time the word "begin" is used. Just drop this since the sentence can function without it
individual using Object 47-A
Add a "the" before "individual" to differentiate it from the previous affected item
user, with
Comma is unnecessary
you actually do so
Sudden change in who's being referred to. Since you've used third person so far, change it to that.
despite the
Add a comma before this
some examples of common types of Object 47-B,
The use of "of" twice here makes it sound wordy. Again, while it is correct, try and do it only when you can't do anything else. In this case, I suggest just removing "common types of". Additionally, change the comma to a semicolon.
of which it presents itself
Double redundancy here. Either delete one of the two or all of it.
of all instances of GAM
Unnecessary. Reader already knows the subject so just say "of all its instances".
doesn't seem to
The use of "seem" makes it like the gameplay isn't very well known. Just say "isn't".
"Psychical Simulator"
"Psychical" isn't a word so clarify what you mean. Put a comma after this as well.
a real texture,
Make the comma a semicolon
instead
Put a comma right after this
placeholder checkered pattern design
While using nouns as adjectives is something that is done in English, it doesn't make sense in this context. It would be impossible for the MEG to know if the texture is actually a placeholder. If they are theorizing it to be, then you would need to clarify it. Besides that, "pattern design" is redundant. I suggest removing "pattern" specifically since "design" is more commonly used in gaming.
Note: The text in the image description is unrelated to the image
a series of abnormal side effects occur immediately when done playing
This sentence is utterly redundant and add nothing. Just connect the next part to the previous clause with a comma
Listed in chronological order of when they manifest, the effects are listed below:
This could just be phrased better. Both parts of this are redundant of each other. You could easily just fuse them. For example, "Below are listed all the effects chronologically"
of time
This is unnecessary
the victims
"the" isn't needed
have reported
Since you start this clause with "during this time", make this "report"
unreliable, one
Add an "and" after the comma
I'm gonna ignore DEATH GUY!! since all the mistakes are most likely on purpose
Footnote 4
all of the
"of" is unnecessary
will have its
Turn "its" to "their"
and will instead inform
Comma before this. In addition, put "instead" in-between commas
and only
Comma before "and"
a "zombie."
Period after quotation mark Fact checked this, and it turns out it's a regional thing. Do as you wish.
appearing only with its title
This lacks a verb
unconscious and will
Comma before "and"
state they
Comma before "they"
are, with
Comma is unnecessary
an extreme
"Intense" is more fitting
ends by the
Use "with" instead of "by"
The following known items have been shown
What is being said here? The items are obviously known so it's pointless to say that they are known, but the tense being used implies that we've already been shown the list. I suggest saying something along the lines of "The items have been listed below along with their real world conversion". Three different sentences can be constructed from the original, so just choose.
For now, I've changed my downvote to a no-vote. If you add these as well, I'll change it to an upvote
Just one step / till the next step.
Period after quotation mark Fact checked this, and it turns out it's a regional thing. Do as you wish
So I put my hands up
They're playing my song
The butterflies fly away
I'm noddin' my head like yeah
Movin' my hips like yeah
I got my hands up
They're playin' my song
I know I'm gonna be OK
Yeah, it's a party in the USA
Yeah, it's a party in the USA
Thanks a lot for the fixes! I've gone through and applied them to the page. I've also added you to the author collapsible, huge thanks!!!!!!!
The beginning is alright but what really does make this article amazing is the fuckin games and imgs. Each game is really creative and actually evokes a sense of nostalgia. the images are in 1 word, fantastic, they all fit the liminal theme and look amazing. Overall this is fuckin sick, really original, and some fuckin fantastic images.
Is clowns supposed to be a payday reference-
From Pyro AroAce, that one trans guy.
I didn't really enjoy this article. The writing is a bit sloppy and repetitive in the beginning, and for god knows what reason, the cartridge and game system is known as Object 47-B and Object 47-A, which is frustrating and artificially hard to read. The games aren't much better, especially "DEATH GUY!!" which is terribly written and cliche, as well as "CLOWNS" which is clearly just an extended reference to The Dark Knight's Joker heist and refuses to do anything original. The artwork, "GAM", and "Totally Finished Game" are good enough that this article doesn't deserve a Downvote, but "Totally Finished Game" is written by someone else and "GAM" has some Blanche fangirling (although given the time period, I shouldn't be surprised).
Do I enjoy this article? Not really.
Is this article irredeemable? No it has room for improvement.
/forum/t-14823679/object-47-backrom#post-