i was informed there was an error with this pieces uploading. i will be rescinding my vote until the proper adjustments are made out of respect.
Parts of this are missing. Offset 2 doesn’t have the link for offset 3, and offset 4(which I found via the discord) doesn’t have anything on it.
Upvote, but please fix this.
For me, I can go through all Offsets just fine. Either WIkidot is glitching out or something else. If there is still an issue, please contact me about it!
(account deleted)Yep, it’s fixed.
Thank you :D
Figured I may as well give my thoughts on this page, it's only been a year since it was released.
So, I have to admit… As far rewrites go, I thought for a long long time that this page was okay! I downvoted it long, long ago for the dialogue in the offsets. Simply put, it's bad. The dialogue is cheesy, corny, Keymaster constantly exposits shit that exists for the audience and not the characters in-universe, and really the most I can say is that the dialogue isn't as bad as it used to be. But… It's still bad.
However, that is not my issue! Let's be real, barely anyone reads dialogue boxes. People prefer to read other parts of the content instead. Unfortunately, though, none of that holds up either! The parts that write about what was already there in the previous version of The Hub is all good, but the new content is just not good in my opinion. The format of a lot of the page, especially in the final revision, feels extremely clunky. The fact that the part above the description is totally unnecessary, and the description doesn't have an image until four paragraphs in at the crossroads parts just feels odd and clunky to me, and there's nothing more than linebreakers to divide some of this up. It's just badly formatted.
The Keymaster implementations don't necessarily feel natural, everything with The Hub is modern and, and without a better word to describe it, liminal. Then there's just some random addition about a location that doesn't fit with that theme and has a bunch of mystery boxes which don't really get answered. The whole part about the tower spends way too much time describing where it is and the floor, that it spends not even a whole paragraph saying what's up the staircase. it's so pointless, you could just remove it and nothing would change. The Keymaster at least fits thematically, but having him actually mentioned on the page (and met in the article log!) completely removes any sort of mysticism. He's seen in-person before he's written about, and the characters who meet him already know who he is. There's no intrigue or mystery or anything, he's just added because it's the Keymaster. It's dumb, frankly.
There parts I like about the page, I like the fact the crossroads are more random now and that level linearity with the page is now gone too, but overall I'm just left feeling dissatisfied with it because so much of this page feels as though it doesn't work
Eyy.. i just typed a loada garrbagge
Poor SPaG, cringe dialogue, and generally probably one of the worst ways this could've been presented. The first part uses a wheel to decide what to capitalize, and is extremely choppy in terms of flow. The log is cringe and long-winded, as well as generally fake-sounding in terms of actual dialogue. By the time I reach the rest of the page, all of my interest has been curb stomped. It was a drag just to read through the rest of it.
Not only are those issues prominent, but what even is the point of this? It's just a level that leads to a bunch of other levels, which also happens to have a sort of house for the Keymaster. It's not very vivid, so it doesn't even have imagery to its name.
This page has one of the worst additional log I ever read. The description is clunky in the worst way possible with sentences literaly eating each other. This concept has a tone of potential in right hands. I wish a rewrite no matter what.