Critique my entity

Summary:

If you want to

Critique my entity

Unity-xk 28 Feb 2022 16:12

http://backrooms-sandbox-2.wikidot.com/cocokillerjk

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If something seems impossible, then you may have to give up a piece of yourself and to give up something so important for just a small chance, would you take it.

Re: Critique my entity

NavyEOD_24 28 Feb 2022 23:26

Although the idea itself seems good, I couldn't give a proper lookover because of the article's tone. It felt like someone's diary or journal instead of a proper entry to a professional database like the M.E.G.

I highly recommend finding someone who is good with tone to fix this up. It has potential.

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Absolute secrecy must be upheld by any means necessary ~ The Vault

Re: Critique my entity

Unity-xk 01 Mar 2022 13:03

Ok, give me a hour or so

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If something seems impossible, then you may have to give up a piece of yourself and to give up something so important for just a small chance, would you take it.

Re: Critique my entity

Jacknation 09 Mar 2022 16:32

im in no way a qualified critiquer but i think this is a cool idea

Re: Critique my entity

frynleelasscenemogf 09 Mar 2022 16:36

theres some run on sentences here and there, might wanna change the tone a bit,
could use more descriptive words.

8/10

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