Very cool article
This is spectacular, and definitely fits the alien yet human-mockery vibe of the Backrooms. I especially love the revelation with that one note at the end—damn it's spooky and sudden. Definite +1.
Level 161 - "The Cadaver House" / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page Level 161 - "The Cadaver House".
(account deleted)TL;DR: The main detriment of the article is not the story or the revelation itself, but the way which it is written in is very dry and unsatisfying to read through.
So, the main premise of the article is ok. I had no qualms when it came to that because the idea of a human-ish creature studying humans through murders is pretty interesting. However, whilst the Tinkerer themselves is interesting, the level itself… not so much. Whilst I understand the vibe you were hoping to achieve, I feel more of the article's content came from the images rather than the description of the place itself. Sure, it's described in immaculate detail (Something which I've always admired in the whole Flower sys' writing), but the way it's described in is, in my opinion, very stiff.
The main contributor to this is the copious amount of periods used in between words. Whilst they're not incorrect (for the most part, there are still some small mistakes), the way that sentences are written makes them feel a tad robotic in nature, as if someone was reading out facts about this place rather than a lively description of it. One could argue that the whole point of a database is to be formal, and whilst I'm obliged to agree, formality does not mean a writing doesn't need to make you want to read through it.
To continue on this last point, the whole article just has a whole lack of… making me want to read this. I don't want to sound mean-spirited when I say this, but up until the reveal of the Tinkerer, I wasn't really enthralled by the article itself. The gory images added a bit to my attentiveness (because I'm a nerd for gory stuff), but in the end, I feel like their purpose is more that novel "ooh" factor that comes with a unique image than it is an actual need for them to be in the article (were it not for the graphic images, that part of the story would not have been as interesting as it was, at least, in my opinion).
There's also the fact that at the end wanderers are advised to get out of the level ASAP without a warning in the article for the Tinkerer being dangerous per se (considering we are only meant to interpret how dangerous they are rather than actually being told that they are dangerous?). Is this because of the lack of food? The Tinkerer? I think specifying would've been better.
Overall, I feel like the article could do better in terms of its writing, especially when it comes to make the article feel more natural. One thing I can say for this article though is that where it lacks in that "oomph" in writing, it makes up in its presentation.
-1
There are roads,
a samurai must travel…
I suggest putting warnings on the top of your article, because when I was dragging down the page, I suddenly skipped the warns and saw a really unfriendly image.
However, this is not a really big deal. Apart from it, the article is great and deserved a point.
this was incredibly dry to get through, up until the final twist.
-1
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