Level 149 - "The Coconut Isles" / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page Level 149 - "The Coconut Isles".

imagine not upvoting this, you'd be worse than

Abe Venrick 16 Jul 2021 16:43

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:)

Ferraru 16 Jul 2021 17:16

Facts! Thank you :D

Last edited on 16 Jul 2021 17:16 by Ferraru Show more

Re: imagine not upvoting this, you'd be worse than

Sariastuff 16 Jul 2021 20:40

Worse than Peter? Dear Bread, that would be all of us mortals.

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There are roads,
a samurai must travel…

Re: imagine not upvoting this, you'd be worse than

Stellar IP 17 Jul 2021 03:33

Nah, Peter Griffin is great.

But im already gave this an upvote though.

Reader's crit for this level

Sariastuff 16 Jul 2021 21:27

Right, I'm going to be trying out this template for the first time now, so bear with me here.

My rating system's point value meanings

9-10/10 = Excellent!
7-8/10 = Good!
5-6/10 = Ok.
3-4/10 = Bad.
1-2/10 = Terrible…
0/10 = Awful…

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Idea
Creativity: 8/10
Surreal in nature, creative in pure concept. The idea of the whole place of moon gravity space islands on a bunch of wind is unique to say the least.
Expansion on the idea: 5/10
I feel like more could've been done with this idea. What if drones were sent out past the barrier? What if the islands could split apart; after all, what is holding them together exactly? Do birds travel towards the barrier?
Intrigue: 6.5/10
Intrigue is built with the community of Lost Suns and the Barrier — Which is why I wanted to see some more information about it — but there isn't really anything to build off a sense of story or wonder on here. It's essentially a base for people to write for rather than a story that builds up a sense of feeling to explore and the such on its own.
Worldbuilding: 6/10
The islands and the life on them could definitely use some more character. How do people get from island to island? How is the culture of the Lost Suns influenced by the fact that they are essentially trapped in this level forever? Are there any other settlements in this level other than that one tribe? I'd assume there would be a form of overpopulation as well if no one can exit this level, or there would be more M.E.G. outposts/bases.

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General Writing:
Execution: 9/10
Wonderfully executed as a level. Followed a clean and concise description which was easy and fun to read through, which was as much as was needed to be done with such a concept. Nothing much to say here.
SPaG: 5/10
The sentences have a fair amount of periods and the such, which breaks the flow of the article up a lot due to how short and stout it sounds. There are also some minor spelling mistakes, but it is overall ok in this regards.
Structuring and formatting: 9/10
Seeing as the Barrier is such a small part of the article, I doubt it needed to have a designated header. Other than that, there isn't much I have to nitpick on.

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Did I enjoy reading this?
Yes.

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Overall verdict:
It's the average Ferra level. Nothing too groundbreaking, but it's not bad either. It can stand on its own well, but it leaves a bit to be desired; it is essentially a blank canvas upon which one can build their stories on. Seeing as it is the first of your group's GOIcon articles, I assume that there will be expansion made on it, so I'm looking forward to what you do with it in that regards. I'm leaving my vote as a no vote for the time, as the level is currently just ok. Not bad, but not good either.

---

There are roads,
a samurai must travel…

Last edited on 16 Jul 2021 21:55 by Sariastuff Show more

Alright

Natedagreat563 18 Jul 2021 11:34

I agree with a lot of the things Argon said, in fact he kinda sniped a lot of the points I had before I was able to read this lol. Basically, the part i agree with most is the simplicity of this. It's not anything fantastical, and it's not horrible, it's just alright.

I think you could've done more with the lost here and added a little extra lore to them rather than just making them another basic native group, as in give them interesting lore and/or possibly have connected it to other lost stuff?

As for SPaG, I noticed there were a few SPaG errors in this article, some of which I will point out here.

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Level 149 does not have a day-night cycle. It is stuck in the constant state of evening.

There were a few clunky sentences like this, which could've easily flowed better with 1

The floating sand isles of Level 149 vastly vary in size and shape, some are as wide as six kilometers, and some are as narrow as five meters.

Wonky punctuation here with the commas and I'm pretty sure this is a run-on

The Barrier is a section of Level 149 that is located near the border of the level, which is approximately 200 (120 miles) away from the center of it.

200 what?

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Since this is a finished article, I will not point out all of them, just a few to get an idea of what I mean. Anyways, I think this was a relatively mundane article and was a just alright read.

I am reading all GoiCon articles and giving a binary choice of upvote or downvote. For this, I will choose a tentative upvote, which I may change later.

rika's flowery commentary

Kitty Rika 18 Jul 2021 17:48

The main gripe that I have with this level that's preventing me from upvoting it is the treatment of the Iroquois tribe within the level itself. There are no specific items, ideas, or structures that are completely unique to the Iroquois themselves (For example, what about the six major traditional festivals that happen throughout the year based on the seasons, like the mid-winter festival Gi'-ye-wä-no-us-quä-go-wä? How is that influenced by the Backrooms?)

Because of the general description, you can really replace "Iroquois" with the name of pretty much any other Native American ethnic group and not really lose much of substance. To me, it stands out that you didn't really go too much into researching this group, and it feels like an afterthought rather than a central focus of the level. It feels like you wrote the level first, and then added the group because you had to for Goicon, and they don't feel integrated in the level because of it. Otherwise, description is solid and enjoyable, but that major part (which is super integral to your level seeing as this entry is for Goicon and is supposed to focus on the Goi) is what's holding me back from an upvote.

Image Credits (Level 149)

Ferraru 16 Aug 2021 13:52

Image Credits:

• "A day." by skyseeker is licensed under CC BY 2.0 - https://search.creativecommons.org/photos/068615a5-6e86-4ddf-8fd3-1c18b51a0218
• "IMG_1704" by Reiki Lifestyle - Colleen Benelli is licensed under CC BY 2.0 - https://search.creativecommons.org/photos/1447c093-4e2e-4bea-b5ba-97da9d7313a5

+1

Dr Bierre 14 Nov 2021 05:07

tje lost

Ferraru 14 Nov 2021 09:32

thanks :]

Mecheye 11 Aug 2023 03:58

What does a coconut snare look like?

1:00 am binge-read session

centurys lute 24 Nov 2024 00:52

nice concept, shallow execution.

-1

+1

Kiraura 19 Mar 2025 14:07

Your writing skills are excellent, but this concept is rather weak. Needs something to spice it up a bit more. Subsisting off of coconuts alone must be torturous though.