shakes and screams
get sniped also holy fuck poetry! this is so good. thank you for wrtiting lyelalow
i've got that friday night fever, sometimes a man just needs a breather
(TRIMMED) adage / Discussion
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):< but thank you >_<
no problem :D
i would give a more… in-depth summary of my thoughts on this but you already sort of received them in crit. however, i like to talk and look fancy, so here we go.
when you first brought this up for crit, i was already excited. your poetry has always been a personal favorite, and the last time i crit your poetry it was a really beautiful process to read and analyze line-by-line. i had high expectations, and you successfully surpassed those expectations by… great amounts.
the repetition and pacing of the work is beautiful and really wraps you into the work, and the storyline it tells is extremely clear, which i note you seem to have a knack for in both of the poems of yours that i've critiqued. this overall tells a beautiful story and the way in which you've told it is beautiful on its own. easily a +1 from me.
i've got that friday night fever, sometimes a man just needs a breather
Welp, here it is, my comeback piece. This is a part of a miniseries I have self-titled as “ARENA”, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. For now however, consider this the start of a story of love, tragedy, escapism, and perhaps even death. For now however, I return to my bathroom floor and clean up the champagne bottles….
Special thanks to captaiin and
ratscrapz for their crit, and
Abe Venrick for the greenlight!
Try to find all the hidden elements to this, I hope you have fun ;)
God, this gives you so much backstory in such a short poem, very cool emlolyai
My sleep loss has been avenged by this poetry. Good night now…..
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