(account deleted) 23 Jan 2021 08:35
Special thanks to Stretchsterz for the crit and greenlight. I'm a new writer here on the site, so I would love some feedback! Thank you very much!
Object 24 - "Wall Masks" / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page Object 24 - "Wall Masks".
(account deleted) 23 Jan 2021 08:35
that's it that's the post
- Snom, Backrooms Wiki Site Admin
Thank youuuu TvT
Author here!
"Venetian-masquerade-mask-.jpg" by inov8d is licensed under CC BY 2.0. To view a copy of this license, visit https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/?ref=openverse&atype=rich
very nice object, lore, and all, but i feel like the last "hidden message" kind of ruins it for me, mostly becuase of the "cursed font" and the way its delivered, it feels way too casual compared to the others
but who cares, the creator's account is dead so that aint changing
Hey there! Honestly don’t blame you, as one of my first articles I think I went too “make lore spooky”. Trust me, lore’s way more developed, and I may revamp this article in the future!
Hmmm. I should make some Masked stuff. Guess I'm heading to YouTube to figure out how to code text, lol. Very well done page, loving the Kitsune and Oni mask. Very fun.
May your truth be unmasked.
There are many different masks that mysteriously appear in random places and entice people to wear them. Once they put on the mask they have a irrestible urge to murder people (in different ways depending on the type of mask). In my opinion this isn't very interesting, as the article just spits out all the information at you without any development of a narrative.
The collapsed notes seem disconnected and unclear and don't seem to have much meaning or narrative purpose. Maybe I'm missing something because I haven't read Entity 173 or any of the Masked Maidens stuff.
I would suggest adding a type of rarity scale, to show how rare each mask is.
Just a suggestion.
P.S.
Make volto mask rare, to keep in line with the new thingie
this article actually sucks SO BAD HOW ARE YOU A WRITER????? HOW????? HAVE YOU CONSIDERED GOING BACK TO ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TO LEARN HOW TO WRITE?????? HAVE YOU??? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
anyways rewrite is actually underway for once so YAY expect that ig
I've been doing postcrits of the Objects, and I have done it for the first 23 Objects. Now I will do it for Wall Masks. I don't have any experience with the M&M canon (beyond Akimoto's Kimono Phenomenon article which I did a crit of), so give me some leeway in the lore department.
I feel like the page is good. It introduces an Object and helps explain it pretty well. The hidden messages add some flavor that is much needed, even if they are a bit contrived. It might help if you explain the relations and what happened instead of being vague, although this might have been explored elsewhere.
My main complaint with the article is that the scenarios surrounding the Wall Masks are incredibly contrived. They involve people questioning or being suspicious and things generally unrelated to the intent of the mask. This feels incredibly boring in comparison with the good parts of the article. The point is that it makes these people into killers (according to the M.E.G. at least), yet this goes contrary to the point as they will only kill given VERY particular circumstances. All around it feels contrived, boring, and contrary to the point.
This article is still good. Not as good as it could be, and I can see why a rewrite is taking place, but it is fine nonetheless. Good luck with your rewrite, best of luck.
Also if you do the rewrite, do something to visually separate the categories, using offsets, sliders, or a table. Also add pictures for each thing. That is my advice for the rewrite. Good luck.
/forum/t-13982679/object-24-wall-masks#post-