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I need Critique on My secret Level Called Death Kitchen Ive Been Dreaming of seeing it on this Site Since July Of 2020 Ive Worked Very Hard https://backrooms-sandbox.wikidot.com/death-kitchen
I don't see a lot of periods. You should probably add some so it looks more natural. But I do like the level, it just needs cleaning up.
For entrances and exits, you should put in the * for the lists so it feels more organized.
Hellllllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! I'm one of those akward teens you see occasionaly.
There are a lot of grammar errors, but more importantly, there just isn't enough going on for the level to work. Here are some questions to help you think of what you can add.
If you add on to the level, let me know, and I can take another look.
done
*waits for more critique*
It still needs a little more. I would suggest maybe including an interview log with The Cook, as I think that has the most potential, but it's up to you. You can look at The Game Master, or The Dollmaker for examples of how you can approach an interview with a hostile, sentient entity.
i did an interview with her
Alright, time for an actual lbl crit.
Death Kitchen is a secret Level of the Backrooms.
It's personally up to you, but I would suggest making it a normal or negative level rather than a secret.
it Was discovered on December 1st 2020
It was discovered on December 1st, 2020
by an unknown user he asked
by an unknown user. He asked
the elf
Should probably be "an elf" since there isn't a specific elf that the reader would know about, however, I would actually recommend changing it to "an unknown entity" since the way it's phrased now implies that elves are an established thing
on Level 1000
Level 1000 doesn't exist yet. You should probably change that to another level, maybe 999?
to go there he said that this level
to go there. He said that this level
he said that this level is very dangerous and should be avoided at all costs.
Kind of cliche
Description
You never actually describe what the level looks like here. You should do that
Death Kitchen Is a very very Dangerous level only Traverse it If You Have supplies
Death Kitchen is a very, very dangerous level. Only travers it of you have supplies.
Also, I would get rid of one of the "very"s so that it doesn't sound so over the top, and this can probably go in the part at the start rather than the description
the photographer was running from an entity in there and escaped to Level 1002 The safest part of the level is Near the exit to Level 1002. In the Hallways the Floor is Transparent, This makes you Lose your Sanity in Death Kitchen FAST so make Sure you have Almond water with you.
The photographer was running from an entity in there and escaped to Level 1002. The safest part of the level is near the exit to Level 1002. In the hallways, the floor is transparent. This makes you lose sanity in the Deash Kitchen fast, so make sure you have enough Almond Water with you.
Also, the sentences in this paragraph are very choppy, I would suggest using more compound, and complex sentences.
Level 1002
There is not Level 1002 yet, you should probably use a different level
This makes you Lose your Sanity in Death Kitchen FAST so make Sure you have Almond water with you.
This is pretty cliche
there is an entity here known as The Cook if she finds you she will chase you and try to kill you, she also seems to be The Wife of Entity 33.
There is an entity here known as The Cook. If she finds you, she will chase you and try to kill you. She also seems to be the wife of Entity 33.
The Cook
Probably doesn't need to be bolded.
she also seems to be The Wife of Entity 33
I would suggest not making her the wife of Entity 33
she used to be a regular Person who noclipped into the backrooms how she became an Entity is Unknown.
She used to be a regular person who noclipped into the Backrooms. How she became an entity is unknown.
The M.E.G is still trying to hunt her Down and capture her and if you try to take pictures of The cook she will Be invisible on a Camera
The M.E.G. is still trying to hunt her down and capture here, and if you try to take pictures of The Cook, she will be invisible on a camera.
there are also entities like Death Rats, Smilers, hounds, and Facelings and the last of the Partypoopers=( lurk here to hide from the Partygoers.
There are also entities like Death Rats, Smilers, Hounds, and Facelings. The last of the Partypoopers =( lurk here to hide from the Partygoers.
"There are no known Colonies or Outposts on this level".
Shouldn't be in quotation marks
This event occurred on December 11 2020 and destroyed a lot of entity’s and wanderers that were in the level the Wanderers were Sent to The Blue Channel and the entities were destroyed.
This even occurred on December 11th, 2020 and destroyed a lot of the entities and wanderers that were in the level. The wanderers were sent to The Blue Channel, and the entities were destroyed.
This happened because the Partygoers tried to eliminate the last of the Partypoopers, but failed Instead they just eliminated Entities like Hounds and Death Rats And sent Wanderers to The Blue Channel
This happened because the Partygoers tried to eliminate the last of the Partypoopers, but failed. Instead they just eliminated entities like Hounds and Death Rats, and sent wanderers to The Blue Channel.
I would be interested in seeing you explore a little more how the partygoers were able to do this, and how the partypoopers survived.
This is Researcher Kim Lee, I See the Cook, i just am Going to Keep out of Sight from her
Kim Lee: This is Researcher Kim Lee. I have seen The Cook. I am just going to keep out of sight from her.
Why Welcome Todays lunch is Wanderer Stew
Why welcome. Today's lunch is Wanderer Stew.
Disgusting but ok, I have a Question
Disgusting but okay. I have a question.
WHAT IS IT I looove Questions Ask me Anything
WHAT IS IT? I looove questions. Ask me anything.
Were You always An Entity
Were you always an entity?
i Was a human once But being a monster is so much better he he he
I was a human once, but bein a monster is so much better, hee hee hee
You Better Start Running hehehehe
You better start running heeheeheehee
go to the dining room this will lead to level 6.1.
travel deep to get to Level 1.5.
going into an oven will lead to Level 2.
going through a Vent Will Lead To a Party=).
Breaking through the Floor in one Of the Hallways will Lead To any Negative Level
This is just like a quick onceover. Let me know when you make those changes, and I can take another look!
Done
Waiting
Okay, so it still needs a little more meat to it.
The description is pretty barebones. Maybe take a look at other levels to see the type of things you should include, but it could definitely use a more detail. I also think you should expand on "The Entity Destroyer". How exactly did the partygoers send all the entities from this level to the Blue Channel?
Aside from that though, I'll just list some general grammar things that you should look at, so that my job is easier next time I do a line by lines crit:
Done
all of it is done im ready for greenlight
You are the most determined person I have ever seen lol
I’m not insulting, btw. Your level still needs more work, as in grammar.
~🌱
I'm going to be honest here, the biggest problem of your level is the lack of clinical tone, the way it's described is not formal. Imagine how a serious researcher or scientist would document a discovery and use this instead.
(It still has grammar mistakes by the way).
Done
Its not done, take a little time to rework your level. I had the impression that you were in a hurry, expecially in the interview log.
About the lack of the clinical tone, there are some levels that dont use it but Death Kitchen feels like you are talking directly to a person.
I'm going to give an example:
There is an entity here known as The Cook. if she finds you she will chase you and try to kill you.
Clinical tone:
A hostile entity is reported to reside in level XXX.
This is ALL over your text. You need more references from other level articles.
PS:
I'm not a greenlighter so you don't really need to hear me out, but I would go for a horror approach. Your level takes me back to Silent Hill Origins that I beat 2 times in my PSP when I was a kid. That game has a fake pyramid head that looks like a cook with a cleaver.
I think this would be more interesting than a mad person that runs after people screaming, expecially if you could transform someone into that entity. I mean, every kitchen needs a cook. If you kill it, will other person make the food? haha
But this IS just a personal opinion.
