Comments for page "Level 253 - "The 5 Stores""

1:00 am binge-read session

Fri, 13 Dec 2024 17:55:36 +0000

it seems purely deadly, and none of the sections have any unique gimmicks that sets them apart them from other deadly levels of the era this article is trying to improve on…

-1

(no title)

Mon, 20 Nov 2023 20:26:01 +0000

This site hadsan obsession with making Level 11 uninhabitable? I had no idea….

Sorry for making you anxious ahaha, (although that was kinda the point of the level). Thanks for the upvote!

(no title)

Mon, 20 Nov 2023 18:41:57 +0000

Consuming any food or drink on Level 11 has a small chance of bringing you to this level.

Really? You're really doing this to us? Why does this site have an obsession with making Level 11 more and more uninhabitable? 11.3, the Chamber, and now this. (I mean this lightheartedly, but still.)

Besides that, good Level. Nice atmosphere, interesting effects, and by the time I finished, I was actually starting to feel a little anxious IRL. Well done, +1.

(no title)

Sat, 04 Nov 2023 14:16:39 +0000

Thank you so much! I'll fix them now.

(no title)

Sat, 04 Nov 2023 09:51:41 +0000

Sorry I'm so late getting back to this.

Some things I noticed throughout: "the smallest store in Level 253" things are on levels, not in them. There are a couple places where there should be a gap between sperate paragraphs. "Frontrooms" should always be capitalised.

Some less general things: "feeling dizzy, feeling sweaty and cold." "feeling" should only be used once here at the start. "The longer theFacelings attack for the more overwhelming the music gets" needs a space between "the" and "Facelings" and "for" should be removed. "perfectly circular in shape.4The second" needs a space between the footnote number and "The".

hehe

Mon, 30 Oct 2023 03:25:17 +0000

You got upvoted.
Booo

(no title)

Sun, 29 Oct 2023 21:48:06 +0000

Thank you so much! Do you mind pointing out where the SPaG errors are so I can correct them? Not pressuring, of course, I just want to make the article best as possible.

(no title)

Sun, 29 Oct 2023 20:57:00 +0000

There are some SPaG errors throughout but nothing that becomes a huge issue. I would say this is more inspired by classic pages rather than a recreation of one but tbh you use enough elements that it's justified as part of the con. It's obvious you've put a lot of effort into this article and it's an interesting read.

Re: I like the diner image

Thu, 26 Oct 2023 18:51:38 +0000

I like it too :3

I like the diner image

Thu, 26 Oct 2023 18:28:49 +0000

title

Re: Very nice! +1

Wed, 25 Oct 2023 19:06:51 +0000

Oh, okay, I see now. Thank you so much, I’ll take this into account!

Re: Very nice! +1

Wed, 25 Oct 2023 16:30:17 +0000

“Having the irrepressible urge to gag and to throw the food away. Whether it was from the horrible smell of the mould or something else, I don't know!”

The dialogue feels a little too fake for me, a little too on the nose for what's going on in the page. I would have liked the information to be filtered through a character. The dialogue at the moment is just exposition. It's not a bad thing, but I think logs could have served your page better than just a snippet of an interview, if that makes sense.

As for tone, there's not really… a specific reason? Sorry for the vagueness, but I truly think it's just a "me" thing and not something you need to worry about. I suppose though, this bit is a good indicator for me.

Strangely, the majority of people who have seen, held, or even tried to take a bite out of these foods describe a peculiar sense of self-consciousness wash over them.

This bit is a bit more editorial than the rest of the section it's in. You're trying to write in clinical tone, yeah? This bit is a jump from that, especially the bolded words, and that's probably why it felt "off" to me. Again, it's probably just a personal preference.

Re: Very nice! +1

Wed, 25 Oct 2023 15:51:11 +0000

Thank you! Is there a specific reason you felt the tone was off so I can improve in future articles?

Author post :3

Wed, 25 Oct 2023 15:49:20 +0000

Here’s my entry for Classicon2023! Any crits please don’t be afraid to write as I am always looking for improvement.

Very nice! +1

Wed, 25 Oct 2023 15:33:52 +0000

My favorite idea is the theory that it's multiple levels that clipped together. That's such a unique idea and justifies all the different parts coming together. The tone was just a bit off for me. A little too casual for my tastes, but not enough for a downvote. Overall, nice work!