Info
Taking the Terminator Dark Fate approach.
For anyone confused about potential continuity errors with other pages, I want to state that before going into making this page I knew nothing about Nostalgi lore other than the extreme basics. For my research, I only looked into the lore presented in Level 404, A River, Nostalgi Gaius, and elements from Eden G that have been retrofitted to fit my vision for this page. There is also a degree of changes done to make this tale fit more in my own canon, but hopefully that's not as obvious.
To keep this page not only disconnected from the Pantheon, but also from pages that could be potentially inspired by the Pantheon, I ignored all other work using Gaius to ensure I wouldn't be influenced either. Sorry!
Written by Boring Talkings. >:-[
This is also a secret santa for centurys lute!
| Other pages by me | |
|---|---|
| Levels | Level 2 | Level 4.4 | Level 11 | Level 13 | Level 19 | Level 22 | Level 25 | Level 38 | Level 41 | Level 74 | Level 82 | Level 100 | Level 106 | Level 108 | Level 111 | Level 120 | Level 134 | Level 145 | Level 174 | Level 179 | Level 185 | Level 196 | Level 206 | Level 208 | Level 320 | Level 368 | Level 369 | Level 370 | Level 371 | Level 409 | Level 421 | Level 427 | Level 445 | Level 511 | Level 557 | Level 587 | Level 600 | Level 602 | Level 603 | Level 605 | Level 606 | Level 607 | Level 608 | Level 609 | Level 669 | Level 713 | Level 790 | Level 812 | Level 910 | Level 948 | Level 998 | Level 999 | Blue Channel | The Middlesorts | The Frontrooms | PA98 | |
| Entities | Entity 1* | Entity 40 | Hypothetical Creator | |
| Phenomena | Phenomenon 31 | |
| Objects | Object 22 | |
| Tales | A Late Letter to a Late Friend | Case Closed | J. Doe and His Night With Your Mom | Permission Overwritten | The War For Scene-01.1 | |
| The playground | Click me! | |
<Begin Transcript at: 03:04PM>
Date: 22/05/16
Location: Level 1, Base Alpha, The Overseers collective office space.
Person/People of Note: Kat Zimals, Derek Jett.
Kat Zimals: Gone? Gone where??
Derek Jett: I-I-I don't know-? I just got told they're not in their office and that… their office is weird.
Kat Zimals: Weird how.
Derek Jett: I don't know, just… Weird. Strange. I dunno.
Kat Zimals: Describe it. What's going on in it. Don't pussyfoot around it.
Derek Jett: It- there's some odd shapes around their office. Their chair, mostly, I guess.
Kat Zimals: Get out of my fucking way.
[Kat Zimals got up off of her chair, thankful that the other two Overseers weren't present to see how she was reacting and to see how her chair fell over behind her. She grabbed a few items from her desk, primarily her phone and a Scaraback, and brushed by Derek on the way to the door.]
Derek Jett: Wait, where are you going??
Kat Zimals: Considering what you told me, where the fuck do you think?
Derek Jett: …Oh, right. Of course.
Do I feel guilt about leaving? Yes, of course I do. But the good thing is that I'm here. Kat and Eden no doubt are fretting over my disappearance. As much as I may dislike the fact, I am instrumental enough in the M.E.G.'s operations, and I suppose I'm a core part of their life, too. But needs must, unfortunately, and my current needs are with… this.
I need her, I want her, I must have her. She's in my dreams, she's in my peripheral, and she is everywhere.
I love her, but I can't let that spread.
～ River
<Begin Transcript at: 05:28PM>
Date: 22/05/16
Location: Level 4, Base Omega, senior office spaces.
Person/People of Note: Justin Zimals, Kat Zimals.
Kat Zimals: What do you mean you already knew-?
Justin Zimals: We knew Asher was gone before everyone made their way in this morning, we just… We wanted to keep it under wraps as best we could until we knew what was going on, but word spread.
Kat Zimals: Yeah, I fucking wonder why! Let me in, Justin.
Justin Zimals: I-I really don't think that's a good idea-
Kat Zimals: I already know what hir desk looks like; I had it explained to me already! I can deal with it!
Justin Zimals: People already know that much? Really?
[Instinctively making use of Justin's confusion, Kat immediately shoved him away from the doorway he was blocking, causing Justin to collide with the doorframe and spin on his foot in an attempt to regain balance. By the time he had steadied himself, Kat had already made her way inside the empty room where the senior members of the M.E.G. worked, and Justin hurried in after her.]
Justin Zimals: I'm… I'm sorry.
[Steadily, Justin approached Kat, going by the empty office cubicles for the other senior members and lesser Underseers that had all been given the day off. He stopped at her side, taking his sister's hand gently as she stared ahead at the desk she had stopped in front of. It was one of the simpler desks, situated at the corner of the room and next to a long row of windows. Although ze never had much in the way of office space decor, her desk had been completely cleared of everything apart from her thick monitor, keyboard, mouse, and two office chairs. Kat's entire demeanour seemed to have changed; her shoulders were slumped, and her face had dropped. She was also completely silent.]
Justin Zimals: There… wasn't anything we could do, Kat. I'm really sorry.
Kat Zimals: How long has ze been gone for.
Justin Zimals: Um, I don't know, actually. They were working late last night, and… When the people who work here got here at the time that they did, they were gone, and those were there.
Kat Zimals: Do we know what that is?
Justin Zimals: No. Frankly, we don't dare touch it yet. And neither should you.
[Kat's attention gradually fixated onto the strange, geometric object that was currently sitting where Asher River once sat. It was a strange sight to behold, having the appearance of a two-dimensional artwork brought into a three-dimensional plane. It had no depth to it whatsoever and looked the same no matter what angle one viewed it from. It was far from static, however, as its mass of polygons was jittering and glitching randomly in the self-contained space of the chair.]
Kat Zimals: …Asher's really not anywhere?
Justin Zimals: We've called, radioed, checked their home, and a couple of their favourite spots… but there's nothing.
Kat Zimals: Are you sure?
Justin Zimals: Of course I'm sure, Kat. Have you tried?
[Kat Zimals opened her mouth to reply but couldn't seem to get out a single syllable. Instead, her already deflated posture started to tremble, and her next breath shook just as much. Noticing her growing upset, Justin immediately turned her around, hugging her gently. His hug tightened as his sister started to cry.]
Justin Zimals: Hey, hey… I'm here, I'm here… We'll find them, okay?
Kat Zimals: No, you… you don't understand… I know where ze's gone.
Justin Zimals: Where?
Kat Zimals: Justin, don't be an idiot… River's going back.
Justin Zimals: To-?
Kat Zimals: Yes.
Justin Zimals: They wouldn't.
[Kat detached herself from Justin slowly, sighing in a long, shaky breath as she approached Asher's monitor, making sure to avoid the anomaly.]
Justin Zimals: Kat! Careful!
Kat Zimals: I know how to avoid a static hazard, Justin. Calm down.
[With some great determination, Kat began to look through hir personal emails, drafts, to-do lists, and practically anything she could access with Asher's passwords that she was aware of.]
Kat Zimals: I think ze left in a hurry.
Justin Zimals: What makes you say that?
Kat Zimals: Well, come here, and I'll show you.
Justin Zimals: I'm not going near that… glitchy thingy.
[Kat rolled her eyes, typing a momentary few characters on the keyboard before performing a flick and click of the mouse. A moment later, Justin's phone buzzed, and instinctively he pulled it out from his coat pocket.]
Justin Zimals: What's this?
Kat Zimals: It's a draft in hir inbox that I found. It looks finished, but it never got sent to anyone. It was going to be sent to me, you, Andrew, Eden, Somalia, Melody, Olivia, and… Uh, some others.
Justin Zimals: A draft saying they were launching an expedition into Level 404… Again. "If I'm not back in a week, assume I'm dead." Holy shit.
Kat Zimals: And River never sent it. I assume ze meant to and was just in too much of a rush.
Justin Zimals: Well, we don't know that.
Kat Zimals: What other explanation could there be?
I half-contemplated letting them know where I was headed, but if I did that, I ran the risk of them stopping me or finding me before I got here. Getting from Level 4 to Level 12 isn't exactly a difficult task. It only took me a few hours.
So now I stand here, within Level 12's singular room, writing these notes while sitting on its singular chair at its singular table. I can feel her love seeping through from her level into this one, as though her effects transcend dimensions and can use level exits just like we can. Either that, or she grows impatient.
Perhaps I didn't let them know where I was going because the email I drafted had lied. Or at the very least, it was far too optimistic.
I know she won't let me go, and that scares me, but I know it's the right thing. I need… her, and I need the people I hold closest to be safe from her.
I win either way. I just have to take the final plunge. A plunge I know will change me. A change that scares me.
But it's a change that has to be done. For the people I love.
If you find this Kat and Eden, I love you. Both of you.
～ River
<Begin Transcript at: 04:49PM>
Date: 29/05/16
Location: Level 1, Base Alpha, Kat's abode.
Person/People of Note: Kat Zimals, Eden Gardenhigh.
[Within the rather spartan furnishings of Kat's small home, Kat herself was sat upon her sofa chair, one that was flanked in her combined living and cooking space with mismatched sofa and dusty CRT television hooked up to a VCR. Kat's attention was not attached to either of those devices, as for the past week her attention had been on a packet given to her on the 23rd. It was a dossier, of sorts, specifically one containing the various items taken from Level 12 that belonged to Asher River. She had some of its contents strewn across her lap, particularly a variety of letter scraps written by Asher hirself.
Kat picked one up at random while slouched far back into her chair, holding it up to her lazy eyes. She began to read its contents.]
I've never been good at goodbyes. I feel that's obvious to anyone who's ever known me. Frankly, it's obvious to anyone who's reading these, considering I've written four separate goodbyes. This one, I think, is the last. I'm done stalling, and I'm ready.
To Kat and Eden, I love you both. You two understood me more than anyone else at the M.E.G., more than any of the other Overseers or Underseers, in fact. You know who I am, and you've accepted me for who I am. I'll never be more thankful for that. I hope that that can continue and that you can understand and accept why I've done what I've done.
I don't think I need to spell out where I'm going. If you've gone to a dumb backwater level like Level 12, you're only doing it to find me. Please, don't. You won't be a hero coming to find me, you'll just end up dead or changed. Depending on how late you find these, I may accidentally cause those, and that is the last thing I want. If things were better, I wish we could be together.
～ River
Kat Zimals: Did ze really see me that way?
[Kat seemed surprised at her own outburst of words once she'd finished reading, immediately clasping her mouth shut as her eyes widened. Without looking at it, Kat gently put the letter back into the dossier folder, alongside all the other letters she'd been eternally rereading and parsing for any deeper meanings. Once everything was put away, she dropped the dossier at the side of the sofa chair, and tried relaxing back in her seat.
After a minute or so, however, Kat was suddenly brought out of her quiet resting by a loud buzzing from her pocket, coupled with a tinny jingle. She sat up in surprise, taking her phone out of her pocket immediately to look at what she assumed was a phone call. Instead, though, it was an alarm set to go off at exactly 5pm, titled "Ring Eden". The sight of the wording made Kat's breathing shake, and though her thumb reached for the snooze button, it appeared that she had set up this alarm to lack one.]
Kat Zimals: Oh, fuck…
[Reluctantly, Kat unlocked her phone and made her way to her contacts, scrolling down to a contact labelled simply as "Eden". With a deep breath, she pressed on their name to call them and brought the phone to her ear.]
Kat Zimals: Please be doing something else… let me leave a voicemail…
Eden Gardenhigh: Hello?
[Silently, Kat mouthed a curse, sighing quietly afterwards as she straightened up her back.]
Kat Zimals: Eden? This is Overseer B. We need to talk.
Eden Gardenhigh: What's wrong?
[Kat, for a moment, fails to speak. She opens her mouth to form an opening syllable, but again the attempt falls flat.]
Kat Zimals: River's gone, Eden.
Eden Gardenhigh: Yeah, I'm aware. Ze went on an expedition to 404, right?
[Kat winced at Eden's mention of Asher's "expedition", which was how hir final venture out of Level 4 was described in hir unsent email. After a brief council with the Overseers, it had been decided to send the email to the originally planned recipients, as it was believed to be what ze wanted.]
Kat Zimals: Yeah. Ze did. A-And we have reason to believe that was hir last mission.
Eden Gardenhigh: …What?
Kat Zimals: Myself and the other Overseers have been trying to contact hir, but we haven't been able to.
[Kat paused momentarily, biting her bottom lip and contemplating if to go further. She took a look down at the dossier, pushing out some of the files with her thumb that showed the complete inverse of the events she was describing.]
Kat Zimals: Ze told us if ze didn't contact us in a week, that ze wasn't coming back.
[Eden didn't immediately reply, and the silence gradually allowed for a deep pit in Kat's stomach to begin opening and deepening. Worried she'd been caught out in her lie, Kat opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Eden.]
Eden Gardenhigh: I don't know what kind of sick joke this is-
Kat Zimals: It's not. I wish it was, but it's not. It's been a week, and River hasn't come back. M.E.G. policy is to declare hir dead.
Eden Gardenhigh: No, no… please…
[Feeling herself begin to tear up, Kat moved the phone slightly away from her ear as Eden's tears became evident through the phone's speaker. To not let out a tear of her own, Kat scrunched her face and keep it balled up as she began to speak again in a flat tone.]
Kat Zimals: I'm sorry. Everyone is just as upset as you are.
Eden Gardenhigh: No! I don't care what the policy is! Send every field researcher we have! We can't just leave hir to die like that!
[Kat kept her face scrunched tight, her free hand tightening on the armrest of her sofa chair.]
Kat Zimals: Ze was a friend of mine too, but we… The M.E.G. can't lose more people. We've already lost enough. Just take a moment to think about what you're saying-
Eden Gardenhigh: NO! What, do you think I'm taking the death of my friend too seriously?? I-If you truly cared about hir, you would exhaust every possibility until you found hir.
Kat Zimals: Eden… We just lost River, if we lose another… We can't lose another. Everyone from the M.E.G. is upset, but that doesn't give an excuse to sacrifice more lives.
Eden Gardenhigh: Oh yeah, and you did so well at making sure the first one didn't happen. I'll get hir myself.
Kat Zimals: Eden, wait-
[In a sudden moment of regretful panic, Kat's eyes widened at Eden's comment. Before Kat could fully reply, Eden had hung up. Kat brought the phone away from her ear, hastily attempting another call which went straight to voicemail.]
Kat Zimals: No, Eden. Pick up. Please pick up, I'm sorry.
It's taken me over a week, but I've found her.
I've finally found her.
And she's beautiful.
It took days of wandering the binary halls, the cascading waterfalls of bisecting information, and a climb to the highest towers of geometry, but I'm here. With her. I've never felt more at home.
I continue to write, even if my body is hardly my own anymore. I do not know where the pen or paper comes from, but I still make.
She is not aware of my words. My love blinds her to it.
My love for her is pure, as is the love for those I truly hold close. I keep them safe. Here I love everyone.
～ River
<Begin Transcript at: 21:59PM>
Date: 30/05/16
Location: Level 404.
Person/People of Note: Eden Gardenhigh.
Eden Gardenhigh: Come on… Come on…
[For over a day, Eden had been struggling with the sharp terrains and rooms of Level 404. At present, she found herself traversing the steep incline of a mess of geometric shapes. She was very clearly out of breath and delirious, having to fight off her inclinations to stop and allow herself to wither into the hypnotic terrene. With a final huff, Eden made her way to the top of the polygonal mountain, only to almost fall in the other direction. She hastily slammed her foot into the ground, causing the area around her now nestled-in heel to explode into a flurry of triangles, which withered away in the air.]
Eden Gardenhigh: Shit! Okay…
[With a trembling sigh, Eden found relief in her stability, her arms flaying out either side of her as her head rocked into the floor, laughing to herself. She stared up at the sky, taking her moment of relaxation to admire the distorted atmosphere above her. Slowly, she rolled onto her side and got herself up, brushing the stray polygons off of her jeans, and looked ahead.]
Eden Gardenhigh: Oh my god.
[In front of her, and down the slope of the other side of the summit she was standing on, was a monolith of incredible proportions. It looked to be a statue made out of a mix of stone and rudimentary 3D geometry, a type that felt almost indescribable and hard on the eyes. Though it appeared stationary in its crouched and hunched position, almost looking like it was in the foetal position if it weren't for its head looking aside and to the sky and the positions of its arms, its fingers were gently and rhythmically twitching. Its calves appeared to be melting into Level 404's floor, and much of the statue's abstract construction was floating slowly around it in a strange orbit.]
Eden Gardenhigh: That is… beautiful…
[Eden's eyes travelled higher, investigating the sharp series of spikes and thorns that grew off of the statue's back and travelled far into the sky. Much like how the statue's lower body was coalescing into the ground, this spike liquified into the skybox, creating a strange and dizzying illusion above her. Having got all she could from just staring from a distance, Eden began to walk towards the statue.
Actually reaching the statue took longer than Eden had expected, as its size coupled with its distance and the strangeness of the terrain towards it made it seem smaller and closer than it actually was. As she began to approach, her knees began to weaken, and her breathing got heavier and shakier. Eden stopped to check herself, wiping her tear duct and finding a single bead of water on her fingertip. Cautiously, she flicked it away with a single shake of her wrist and continued to approach.]
Eden Gardenhigh: Uhm, hello? You’re the first living thing I’ve found here. Do you know where I am? Have you seen anyone around here the past few days? Why am I talking to a statue.
[As Eden continued to ramble to herself, her already dazed focus was completely halted as a piece of pink paper floated down right in front of her face, the wind smashing it over her eyes. Eden halted after a stumble that almost made her fall, and pried the parchment from her face.]
Even when here, when I’m isolated from those I love and simultaneously embraced by my one true soulmate, I know it will not be enough.
I know Eden and Kat will come looking, even if I didn’t tell them where I went. At first I did that to protect them, but thinking it over, I’m not sure that was the best move.
They may come here. They may find me and see me in a form I was never supposed to be in with a love they were not supposed to know about.
I have to pray they don’t find me, and if they do, I have to pray they leave before I make them.
～ River
Eden Gardenhigh: River…?
[Confused at the note, Eden’s first instinct upon reading it was to look up, hoping to spy its origin. To her shock, above her and encircling the monolith she were approaching were yet more pink pieces of paper, forming an army tens of thousands strong. As Eden let go of the paper that had collided with her, it was picked up by the breeze and rejoined the flock. For reasons she wasn’t sure of, the very sight was beautiful to her, causing yet more tears to fall from her eyes that she could no longer control.]
Eden Gardenhigh: Oh my god… Why do you have River’s diary?!
[At Eden’s loud shout, the wind carrying the papers seemed to change course, signified by a soft and angelic harmony. With a frightened stumble back where Eden almost lost her footing yet again, another paper launched itself at her, but this time it only landed on the front of her shoulder. Cautiously, she picked it up to read.]
Well, I figured this would happen eventually. Where I am, where she is, I figured, was far. Already on the outskirts of a universe that by nature is antithetical to understanding, I imagined it would take years or even decades to be found.
I suppose I underestimated them. Perhaps that’s on me for being a bad friend, or just my wishful thinking that my hasty plan would work flawlessly. Though I hardly think it matters now.
My best hope is that they leave before things get worse, but there's only so much I can do. Without hurting them, that is.
～ River
Eden Gardenhigh: Are you talking to me? Are you trying to say something, River?
[As realisation set in, Eden clutched the note close to her chest and took a wobbling step backward, staring up at the incredible structure with widening eyes that were welling with tears. Despite the fact that Eden's revelation put a deep feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach, she couldn't fully explain where most of her melancholy was coming from. It was overwhelming, overpowering her body to the point of immobility that paradoxically kept her frozen in place and on the brink of collapsing entirely.]
Eden Gardenhigh: River, please! What's happened to you??
[Overpowering Eden's sharp and loud tone was a rapidly rising melody, sounding both enchanting and disorienting. It sounded as though it was a key too high, and the various voices making up the choir were totally out of sync while singing the same tune. A fully formed tear finally fell down Eden's cheek, vibrating and falling off their chin from her trembling body and shaky breath. A leg finally moved, allowing Eden to take another step backwards.
The sound around her was already overwhelming, but it was impacted tenfold by the fluttering papers beginning to speed up in their orbit around the statue. The parchments brushed against each other and fluttered wildly in the wind, creating a second cacophony of loud noise that clashed sharply with the singing. As the papers rubbed against each other, they began to tear and descend towards Eden, their orbits shifting to surround her head. With a scream, she tried to swat the papers out of her pink-shrouded vision, but no matter how much paper she hit away, more descended upon her.]
Eden Gardenhigh: River, please!
[When Eden spoke, she inhaled a good dozen or so of the paper strips, causing her to choke deeply and fall onto her back. With the sudden impact, the papers still in orbit fluttered away and rejoined the flock circling the monolithic statue. Despite her confusion, Eden hacked up the papers with a splutter, using her fingers to wrench some out of her throat.]
I'm sorry-
I hope they both unders-
I'm sorry.
I worry she won't leave, what would she do if she were to find out she was here?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
-I must not make it obvious. She can't know who has-
I'm sorry.
What did I do to deserve this choice being given to me?
I will make it as painless as possible, but I can't guarantee that-
I'm sorry.
Eden Gardenhigh: R-River-?
[Despite the fact that the pieces of paper were torn, crumpled, and now covered in saliva, Eden could still read the excerpts from them with only a bit of strain. They almost formed a cohesive thought pattern, as statistically unlikely as that was. Slowly, Eden got back onto her feet, dropping the paper shreds to the ground and trying to ignore the fact that they melted into the floor. As she looked up, River noticed one final paper shred disentangling itself from the flock and floating softly down towards her. Cautious and curious, Eden cupped her hands and held them up to catch it, letting it land in her hands.]
I love you.
～ River
Eden Gardenhigh: I… I love you too, River.
[Despite her hairs being on end and the pit in her stomach still feeling deep, Eden mustered a smile as she looked down at the small shred of paper and its contents. She felt the parchment with her thumb, looking up to the statue afterward. Her mood changed like the flip of a switch, screaming in terror as she noticed that the statue was now staring directly at her. Despite the simplicity of its facial features, it unmistakably resembled River. Even though its eyes were blank orbs of stone, to Eden it still felt like it was looking right into her soul. The feeling of dread deepened, which was unfortunately added to by a sudden spike of pain across her entire body.
Eden screamed again, her face scrunching in pain as her body went rigid and still. Sharp jabs of agony coursed across her nerves, and from head to toe she felt the shuffling and strange rearrangement of her cells, clothes, and memories. Her voice changed in pitch and tune multiple times, deepening before becoming more melodic and even childlike. Each change in voice corresponded to a shift in her appearance, and with each shift, her body became more abstract, being covered in various geometric shapes that hurt the brain to try and give perspective to. Once the shapes were completely around her, she vanished, her screams echoing across the null space for a full minute.]
It seems you have me writing letters of my own now. I always thought you were stupid for jotting down your thoughts, you know. So easy to pry into and read and cringe over. I think I understand why you do it now. Did it now, I mean. Past tense. You're dead, probably. I don't think I'll ever get over that.
God, I hope nobody finds these things, I'm burning them if someone even steps foot in my room.
We still talk about you, you know. Both you and Eden. I assume Eden is with you, if you're alive, which I doubt. If there's an afterlife, perhaps you're both there, mocking me. I want to say sorry to both of you.
River, I'm sorry that
Eden, I'm
I'm beginning to understand why you did these less and less.
<Begin Transcript at: 05:28PM>
Date: 12/06/16
Location: Level 1, Base Alpha, Kat's Office.
Person/People of Note: Justin Zimals, Kat Zimals.
[Although it was close to the space she had used before, since the disappearance of both Asher River and Eden Gardenhigh Kat had moved her office into a more private room in Base Alpha. It was small and compact, having enough room for a professional desk, a few chairs to surround it, and some bookcases and filing cabinets to flank all four walls at random spots. Most of these wall furnishings were empty of contents, since things were still being moved from the now unused collective Overseer space and into the new ones. Despite its spartan nature, Kat was at peace. Or at least, she would be.
Slumped forwards on her chair, staring at the scan line screen of her computer idly, was Kat herself. She had the write-up for both Asher and Eden up, and right now was busy changing the present tense to past tense on the contents of their descriptions. Despite how monotonous and easy the task was, Kat was hardly working on it at all. Her eyes were fixated on the image used to display Asher, one that was now marred with graphical distortions around hir body. Even though the distortions covered both of Asher's eyes, Kat was acting as though she could still make eye contact with the image of hir. Without really thinking, her gaze became unfocused, and her head went closer to the screen, her breath heavy with angst. Just before anything happened, however, the door suddenly flung itself open. Likewise, Kat flew herself back from the monitor and slammed her fist on the desk.]
Kat Zimals: Knock, you asshole!
Justin Zimals: Sorry!
[Justin's eyes were wide with some panic at the sight he'd seen, frozen in the doorway with a tablet at his chest. He didn't say anything, and neither did Kat. The silence was initially broken by the latter sighing loudly and pinching the bridge of their nose, and it was finally shattered completely by Kat speaking.]
Kat Zimals: What do you want, Justin.
Justin Zimals: I just wanted to see how the edits were going, as well as the documentation on the, uh… thing. you know.
Kat Zimals: Yes, I know, and it's… going fine, I guess? Can't you have emailed me about that?
Justin Zimals: I wanted to check up on you, too.
Kat Zimals: I don't need a fucking wellness check.
Justin Zimals: Your best friend is… I feel worried about you, Kat. As anyone would!
Kat Zimals: Okay, well in that case I'm fine. You can leave.
Justin Zimals: Kat, please. I'd prefer something a little more detailed than that. I'm your brother, you can speak to me.
Kat Zimals: I'm. Fine. You also don't need to worry about me, because I'm busy. You should be busy, too.
Justin Zimals: Kat! You know what? No. It's fine. I'm not going to get mad at you.
Kat Zimals: …I'd hope not.
[Justin sighed at Kat's vague reply, glancing around the still new office without much motive before slowly and awkwardly slinking out of the space, silently closing the door behind himself. Once she was alone, Kat's head collapsed into her hands, taking a moment to let her rigidness switch into becoming almost completely limp. Once she'd composed herself enough, she looked back to the computer and hastily switched tabs from Asher's POI file to avoid the embarrassment of looking at it. In a hasty alt tab, she found herself at the page for the newly renamed "Nostalgi Gaius". Kat stared at that instead, going through the length of the document that she'd been editing for quite some time now. Her eyes glazed over the words and the transcribed notes that she'd included from Asher, but she found it difficult to actually add much else.]
Kat Zimals: …God, fuck my life…
[Kat rubbed one of her eyes, ensuring that the tear she felt developing didn't leave her tear duct. She straightened her back, placed both her hands properly over her keyboard, and began to type. She made a few final edits to the page itself but then began to code, creating a fragment page (after a few failed attempts) to type up something new.]
Kat Zimals: What the fuck am I even doing?
[With some struggle and a lot of stop-starting, Kat continued to work on the new offset on Nostalgi Gaius' page. Seeing as she saw it as easier to do, Kat wrote in a more personal tone and with very little fluff or padding. She detailed what "Entity 586" is, how they look, act, and the safety precautions to take if approaching them. Even though Kat spent up to an hour writing, the final product would barely fit on an A4 piece of paper. Kat prettied up the document a bit, adding an image recovered from Eden's final exploration (which was also used during the actual writing process) and div blocks, but still found the page lacking. Worse still, at least in Kat's eyes, it was still informal. In specific, Kat's eyes focused on the opening sentence of this fragment.]
Kat Zimals: "Entity 586 is an amalgam of former Senior M.E.G. Archivist Asher River and the… spectral remnants of a deific being." That's not right.
[Kat's right hand moved to her mouse, feeling her grip tighten around it in some anger at the opening two words of the fragment. With a purposeful flick of her wrist, she guided the cursor to the part of the draft she had the most grievances with and highlighted it. Within a moment, it was deleted and replaced by a quick change to simply read "Nostalgi Gaius".]
Kat Zimals: You picked a dumb fucking name, River… But whatever.
[Kat looked aside, closing her eyes for a moment to keep any tears from developing. Using muscle memory, she ctrl+F'd and typed "Entity 586", replacing all mentions on the document with simply "Nostalgi Gaius". Relatively pleased with the outcome when she finally turned her head back, Kat wrote a final message at the bottom, momentarily spilling her heart out for a line or two before returning to formal and clinical, even ending the final notice with the fact that she "can't allow [herself] to mourn too deeply". After wiping her damp eyes of yet more emotion, she exported the new drafts to be put directly on the database and left her office without another thought.]
Well, these didn't last very long. It's kind of hard to do something inspired by you when you're literally not here anymore. Maybe I'm just a noncommittal bitch, and hey, maybe that is what I am, but also it just didn't feel right. Oh well, it's not like you can read these. You're dead. Kind of. Frankly, I'm not sure.
I've reread Eden's encounter with you, or what you fused with, or what you became, or whatever the hell happened to you. I won't pretend to understand it, because not only do I think we can, but I also don't think we're meant to. I don't think it's what you want. Well, "think", you made it pretty obvious with whatever you did to Eden. I hope she's alive like you made it seem.
Speaking of. I do wonder if you and her are actually alive. Eden’s not been seen in weeks since pulling the exact same stupid stunt as you did. If anything, I feel more worried about her than you, considering I know where the hell you are. Or at least I would think that.
Why the fuck did you never tell me and Eden how you both felt about us? I mean, I get it, I know you’re not a woman, but I think all three of us know how it would be perceived and how certain people would think about that. I already know how enough people perceive you as you are. Sometimes it felt like only me and her understood you, and to that I’m sorry.
I’m not sure how it would work. Not only have I never imagined myself with another woman (I’m referring to Eden here), but I’ve also never imagined myself as being in a polygamous or polyamorous relationship. I don’t know which one's correct; that’s on me. But if you were still here, I think I’d try.
I love you, River. And I also love you, Eden.
I don’t think I’m going to do one of these again. Actually, no. I’m going to do one more. For you.
<Begin Transcript at: 03:04PM>
Date: 19/06/16
Location: Level 12.
Person/People of Note: Justin Zimals, Kat Zimals.
Kat Zimals: Aaaaand… there. Perfect.
Justin Zimals: You’re leaving it here?
Kat Zimals: We can’t just enter Level 404 like River once could, not that that’s even a good idea, so I’ll leave it here.
Justin Zimals: And you think it’ll reach her? them? Hir?
Kat Zimals: Hir, usually. But I don’t fully know anymore, given what’s become of hir now. But to answer your question, I think it will.
Justin Zimals: How?
Kat Zimals: When Eden found Gaius, the way Gaius acted makes me feel that they can… make things happen supernaturally. Gaius or River will know to get it, or at least their will could make it slip into 404.
Justin Zimals: And if that doesn’t work?
Kat Zimals: Then at least I fucking tried, okay?
Justin Zimals: Okay! Sorry, didn’t mean to trip a nerve. But, uh, can we go? This place freaks me out.
Kat Zimals: Yeah, I don’t like it either. Come on, I’ve got things I want to do in the Capital.
Justin Zimals: I’m not going. It’s Sunday.
Kat Zimals: Nah, you’re coming.
[Despite annoyed protestations from Justin, Kat dragged both him and herself through Level 12’s door, exiting back to Level 11. On her way through the door, Kat had one last look at the literal message in a bottle she had left in the table’s corner. Within its cork-sealed inside was a singular but large sheet of light blue paper, rolled into a tight wad that made it impossible to read a single line of its handwritten text. A few other items looked to be wedged inside the bottle, but they were impossible to make out behind the thick blue barrier of parchment.]
I love you.
There, that was easy. I figured I would get that out of the way first. It's how I feel about you, after all. Since this is the first time one of my letters is actually being sent to you (I've been writing other things like this to myself. Took inspiration from you), I figure I should let you know that I didn't come to this decision unaided.
After you left, we got access to your stuff, including all your diaries and notes. I couldn't help myself looking, so I'm sorry. At least I've come to a choice I know you would be giddy about. Fuck, I miss you. I even dreamt about you a few times. I don't know if that's my grief, Gaius being Gaius, or both, but I cannot keep you out of my mind.
The others think you're dead, which is partially my fault. I know your situation is… complex, and for simplicity and to keep people out of 404, I've just been saying you're dead. I know that's not the case, though. You've become something new, something different. Sure, it's more dangerous, but it's also beautiful, isn't it?
Don't worry, I'm not saying that because I'm drawn to "her" like you were. I think what you are is genuinely something unique. I'm going to assume (hope, really) that your communication through new notes is you actually writing them as though you were still here and not just Gaius mimicking you through your memories and routines. Some people think that, Andrew mainly, but I take a more optimistic approach. I think the fact you've made certain levels safer proves my optimism isn't unfounded.
You know, while I'm writing to you, while I'm already making this sappy and stupid and gushy to you, I'm going to be serious. Why would you do this to me us? Maybe I always slightly loved you without realising, because the way you vanished, it broke my heart in a way no one ever has. Not even in the men I've dated before. But, for the record, I understand it. I understand your choices. I just wish we had more time with each other. The years we've known each other haven't been long enough.
I am well aware you'll want me (and Eden, too) to be over you. You never had any time for grief. I don't think you realised how difficult that would be for us. Perhaps you thought you were just indispensable to us. Perhaps I treated you in a way that was too harsh and… am known for that. I pushed Justin away until recently, and my callousness with Eden led to
I need to stop making this about me.
I don't expect this to ever get a reply, because I don't even know how you could, so I just hope it reaches you. I do sometimes wonder how your new life is, what it's like, what you do on a day, and… how much of you is Gaius now. Perhaps if you do find a way to reply, let me know.
Thank you for being around in the short time you were, thank you for the good memories and the bad memories, and thank you for making me question who I am and the sort of person (or people) I would wind up wanting to spend the rest of my life with. Perhaps this is a small fragment of what you felt about yourself your entire life. Perhaps you feel more whole and complete now, but I suppose I'll never know.
You used to end your notes and diaries with a signature, and do you know what? I think I will too.
- Overseer B, Kat. With love
. . .
Elsewhere, some other time, a stone half-simulacrum was sitting. Meditating. Thinking. Speculating. Living.
On most days, it would do only this. An immovable statue to a god unknown, imbued with the life of one who fell head over heels for its memories, sitting in the fragments of a universe no one can remember or recognise. The half of the giant that was indescribable blended perfectly with the part that was understandable to create something beautiful, yet within a frame of reference. A perfect co-existence.
As this particular day went on, however, it was clear it would not be like most.
The monolith's head craned towards the sky. It watched the offcuts of the atmosphere coagulate and blend into a distorted mess above itself, unknowingly pushing forwards what happened next.
A bottle, no bigger than the statue's carved pinkie fingernail, gently rolled itself to the figure's knee, clinking gently against it as its travel finally ceased. It had come from the White Room once, trailing across infinite distortion through a myriad of "random" happenstances.
Someone knocking it over once, a gust of wind blowing it this way and that, a confused and glitched tree embedding the bottle into its branch over the entire course of its life. How long had it taken to reach the giant's presence? It was hard to tell. But it was at least clear the moment had been prepared for.
For the first time in however long, the statue's head lowered, turning to look down at the foreign object this close to its presence. Part of it knew why it was here, and part of it didn't. The final decision of the being's complete consciousness settled about intense curiosity of the bottle and brought it up to their attention.
The aged cork was removed.
The paper was removed.
The packet was removed.
The photograph was removed.
The bottle was discarded. The cork followed soon after.
The packet was the first to open, containing a myriad of differently coloured, squishy shapes. The being brought one further to its attention, examining it in a particularly human way. A way it had not examined anything in a long, long time. Part of it was confused at what the thing was, and part of it registered that the thing was something it loved. It tasted it, and the entire body agreed. The rest were stored for later.
The photograph was unravelled second. It was a photograph of two people the statue recognised, one half-looking like the statue itself. The photograph was stored for later. It was sweet, but not stimulating like the foodstuff was.
Finally, it unfurled the paper. It had writing. It was a letter.
The statue read.
And it read.
And it read.
The contents were picked apart in a particularly human fashion, more so than with the candy, the eyes of the stone getting fixated on certain words and phrases and meanings. It was beautiful, just like itself. Most of the statue did not understand the deeper meanings behind the ancient English, but a small part of the statue smiled. An emotion brewing inside of it that had not manifested in a long, long time.
The letter was stored for later. It would enjoy rereading it again and again.
Should anyone go to Paradise, if anyone would ever need to, they'd see a unique sight within the already unique monolith. Embedded in the swirling orbit of pink pages, sometimes impossible to make out, was a single speck of blue.