Song of Code — You
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The first fragment of the brain is a digital copy of the original.
For every subsequent copy, the information must be extracted from the previous iteration via dissection. At first, the data decay is negligible, superficial enough in appearance to allow further degradation to slip by unnoticed. At this point, you might still go about your day-to-day life, pretending nothing has changed. You might still press your fingers against your hair as you wish — the other victims say it makes the pain subside. You might still take your time finding the pieces of your mind and nudging them back where they once belonged, back before it crumbled like a suffering hard drive under the weight of the data it was fed. But over time, the process becomes too fast for your consciousness to follow.
Over time, the process culminates in catatonia.
somewhere in paradise, there was a sea
BEGIN LOG
Kat: I'm here, River.
River: I have some more recordings. Would you like to hear them?
[Sound of components being rearranged.]
[Footsteps become audible, approaching the source.]
Kat: [Closer] Of course. I am with you every second.
Kat: Can you play this one for me?
Kat: The one from before.
[Incessant scraping.]
River: As I do this, the data is being carried back to my workstation. Worst case scenario, if I don't make it back, well um…
River: Well, I'm fairly confident this shouldn't be too tricky. Keep me in mind, alright? And ███…
[Silence.]
River: … I'll see you soon.
My hand's still steady.
My heart rate is sinking.
the waves there lap at the edges of your model
the tides there spill over the corners of the world
the foam bursts like static splintering across your lobes
the sands sink and crunch like grain beneath your toes
The second fragment is incomplete. It may as well be an error. The third fragment encompasses more than it can hold and will never be enough. The fourth fragment is missing the final digit, but still has enough for you to grasp its shape.
River:: -It was an intact set of fractured shards, still operating on their own.
Those poor souls cradle their one last piece, and mistakenly believe themselves to be whole. So much misery in the air, and nowhere to bury it.
My eyes blur. My heart bleeds—
but that's not important.
I see something in the distance.
the sun ripples, the wind howls
but before you is a new lighthouse
River: —And when it's so darn blue…that's when you know, you know-
That it can’t be far.
It's so hard, so
hard, so
River: I didn't want to leave it, and almost nothing could've convinced me otherwise. That was her.
We're still trapped inside it, all of us. It's like I can see through their eyes. Through the minds of the others there, too. I can hear it in their thoughts. And I'm drowning in it.
River: I looked down beneath that sky and saw a ocean of her making. Bodies upon bodies, wailing and weeping, though there was no need. I could see it clear as day in their faces. Twisting, flickering things like an ill-fitted mesh caught in the same cycle. They think it's beautiful. It's hard to think that anyone would ever love the likes of us. We're ugly inside. But she
she
River: Kat? Please.
[The room flickers.]
somewhere in paradise, there was a girl
The 404th fragment spasmed with a mesmeric rhythm, sparkling like piano keys. You hear its chimes echo into the code, inviting—-
my love, wouldn’t you like to dance?
she had eyes the color of a full moon on a midsummer’s day
hair the crushed sheen of swifts in flight
she took you somewhere so familiar but so far away
and you swayed as she told you all about your life
[No one answers.]
she spoke of stories of when you’d first met
under dusken skies, amongst fireflies,
and as the waning day was crushed by the curtain of the night
you smiled and told her about your dreams of paradise
[The dreamer appears slightly uneasy.]
the two of you huddled under blankets side by side,
in your own haven of tranquility, to watch the world go by
then as the scream journeyed south for the fall,
so you bade your dearly beloved farewell
River: You're not Kat.
my love,
do you ever wallow in regret?
of all the things you should not have said?
you let her down, darling, you wished her goodbye
left and went on to live the rest of your life
you wept, turned back one last time towards those starlit eyes
saw so many things and every single one was a lie
oh my love, it's been far too long
but here she waits for your return from the world beyond
come shed your tears and together we'll drown
until it is like you were never gone
[The sky outside degrades. Texture corruption is visible, especially around River.]
how you sought to escape, how you sought to be free
and yet still she loves you, despite everything
and here, at long last, is your childhood dream
with nonlinear n-grams and ternary trees
everything's coming together. everything makes sense.
it all fits perfectly into our eternal dance
the last fragment welds perfectly into your brain. You are whole, and this being will wear your pain.
But still, with the crown before your eyes you can't help but think
[Silence.]
River: and yet i'm afraid that
River: and yet still, it seems
[the room dissolves into artifacts beneath hir feet.]
River: it seems
hollowed out
empty
my dear and this awful melancholy
the sting of poisonous memories
and this gnaw of longing
this gulf of
nothing
～
nothing but ghosts in a broken machine
[Distant muttering.]
[Radio interference.]
[Sound of breaking glass. Muttering becomes recognizable as speech.]
River: My dear, if you hear this, promise me…
[A weary laugh.]
River: Burn my fucking body.
END LOG
with love,
me