Joke Object 245 - "Bagel"
rating: +58+x

Object 245 is a baked yeast torus with anomalous power over random events.
bagel.png

There it goes.

Ingredients:

Object 245 appears as a common bagel, unsliced. Its color implies that it has been toasted to perfection, its texture just the right mix between chewy and crunchy.
Object 245 has an indeterminate number of sesame seeds attached to its surface. As of yet, none have fallen off.
Despite all the environments it travels, Object 245 remains undirtied and untainted. It seems to be in a perpetual state of ready-to-eat cleanliness.

Behavior:

Object 245 has been sighted in a variety of locations in the backrooms, most commonly on some sort of plate or porcelain dish. These dishes have been found slightly corroded, implying that Object 245 feeds off of these in order to survive. This brings up many questions about how a bagel eats, where its organs are, and whether this bagel is sentient. However, the consensus remains clear; the bagel must be delicious.

When a lifeform goes to eat Object 245, it panics and engages its self-defense systems. A series of unlikely random events will occur in a specific way that brings the bagel out of danger. Object 245 is theorized to have developed this power over probability due to its lack of ability to move on its own; bagels do not have legs.
Below is a list of encounters with Object 245, and the events that followed. If you have a story to tell, please follow the contribution guide below.



Date: 02/05/2021

Location: Level 1, Base Alpha

During a routine census of the base's emergency food stores, Operative Jason Ciambella spotted a bagel sitting in the middle of the storeroom. Seeing as it was separated from the Baked Goods section, Ciambella assumed that it was unclaimed, and went to grab it. At that moment, a bottle of wine at the back reached a critical temperature, exploding and leaving a crack in the wall. This startled a rat crawling on the ceiling, which then lost its grip and landed on the bagel's plate. This launched the bagel into the air, which ricocheted off of a pipe and landed on its side, rolling away through the crack in the wall.

Date: 04/21/2021

Location: Level 137

Ash Rosquilla, respected backrooms entomologist, was studying in Level 137. The specimens were showing a promising number of similarities to Deathmoths, which may allow us to learn more about their behavior.
However, Rosquilla stopped when they saw a porcelain plate sitting on a desk, holding a singular bagel. Famished from hours of studying, they reached out to take a bite. Suddenly, a particularly loud windchime sounded, causing Rosquilla to stumble backward in surprise. They slipped on a dropped pencil and fell. Their foot made contact with the bagel's dish, flinging the pastry across the room. It bounced across many display tables, seeming to keep its momentum by temporarily activating moth specimens along the way and harnessing their flapping. After a few seconds of bouncing, the bagel was sent through a door and out of the level.

Date: 02/13/2022

Location: A red area within Level 255

Dr. Wyatt Hedge, M.E.G. Head Archivist and general nuisance, had entered Level 255 looking to discover a rare interbred orange-and-green Volpe to photograph for documentation purposes and to prove to his coworkers that he was right about mixed Volpes.
He spotted a bagel, pristinely on a plate nearby within the red area he was passing through on his way to an orange area. As he curiously approached the specimen, an instance of The Mangled appeared in between him and it at the whim of The Orchestrator, presumably after it had entered a different area. After reportedly "having the bejeezus scared out of him", Dr. Hedge retreated into a nearby door to Level 283, leaving the bagel unscathed.

Date: 05/11/2013

Location: Level 0

During a routine checkup on Level 0, Doctor Bierre spotted The Bagel resting in the middle of a table surrounded by other, similar looking bagels on a variety of different porcelain plates. Next to the table was a small sign which read "Bagel support meeting— please do not disturb."

Bierre decided that it was best to not interrupt.

Date: 03/11/2020

Location: Level 63

A wanderer, who decided to stay anonymous for the log, decided to go to an event near the center island. As he was heading toward it, he saw The Bagel wearing a mask with a sign in front of it saying "Stay 6 feet apart". The wanderer decided to take advice and walked away. On his way back, he "made fun" of The Bagel by saying that it was overreacting. The Bagel chased the wanderer off the island, leading the wanderer, and presumably The Bagel to Level 1. Since The Bagel cannot move on its own, this is likely a hallucination. This Log is assumed to lead to Log 02/05/2021.

Date: 6/4/2031

Location: Level 9

On 6/2/2031, Various B.N.T.G. outposts across the backrooms received a shipment of a children's book, titled "The Very Hungry Yeast Torus." Many wanderers, including a few B.N.T.G. employees, immediately started bombarding the M.S.B.O.D.1's online report form about it. All M.E.G. activities and projects were immediately dropped as all available personnel were reassigned in order to locate Object 245.

caterpillar.png

A digital recreation of the book's cover.

According to the book's blurb, the author was named Bartholomew Agelle, a previously unheard-of poet and children's author. Various cutting-edge geolocation techniques were used to locate B. Agelle's place of residence, including coordinate triangulation, genetic rerouting from the residual film on the books, and simply asking around.
On 6/4/2031, B. Agelle's home was determined to be at 4681 Covrigi Ave Southeast on Level 9.2 A task force of 25 M.S.B.O.D Special Forces members was dispatched immediately to apprehend Object 245. When they arrived onsite and broke into the residence, a series of events happened in very quick succession:

  • The bagel was observed flying towards the fireplace, as if launched by some colossal trebuchet.
  • It smacked into a large wooden plank, transferring its horizontal momentum into the 2x4, causing it to fall over.
  • At the same time, a matchbox spontaneously fell off of a nearby sideboard, its contents spilling out midair.
  • The matches somehow fell in such a way that they struck the side of the matchbox, lighting most if not all of the matches.
  • They landed on a conveniently placed trampoline.
  • This launched the matches towards the same point the bagel was falling towards after transferring its horizontal momentum.
  • At this point, there was somehow a haphazard pile of genuine gunpowder.
  • The lit matches ignited the gunpowder directly underneath the bagel.
  • Somehow, the point the gunpowder, matches and bagel were all placed was directly underneath the chimney.
  • The gunpowder exploded, propelling the bagel directly upwards.
  • The bagel was launched out of the chimney and out of the house, disappearing through the cloud cover outside.
  • It did not return.

Date: 8/6/2022

Location: Level 255

Bagel rolled through one of Level 255's "red" sections before dissapearing and then appearing in the colorful area.
During its time in the red section, it was noticed by the Eyes of Argos Color Patrol. Recordings show the patrols surprise at the the sudden appearance of the bagel. When the bagel appeared in The colorful area, M.S.B.O.D. was called, and arrived shortly after. The bagel was gone.

Date: 11/30/2025

Location: Level 11.

Commander A of the M.E.G.

I spotted the bagel levitating (somehow???) in the middle of the street which I was walking down. The bagel was unmoving, but for some reason it seemed as if it was staring me down. It made me feel uneasy, even though I knew I was on a safe level. I couldn’t stand to stare at this disgusting amalgamation of yeast taunting me for any longer… so I… grabbed it out of the air and threw it into the wall of a nearby building. It shattered upon impact, as if it was made of glass. I was highly confused, but I was still somewhat satisfied. I couldn’t be bothered to investigate it any further, as I had more important things to do.

Date: 6/9/2024

Location: Level 4

The bagel was spotted on a chair sitting in front of a window. As soon as the M.E.G operative got close, he tripped on his shoelace which mysteriously became untied, hit the bagel with enough force to fling the bagel at the window which bounced off and rolled into an open door, which suddenly closed and locked.

As of 06/27/2079, Object 245 has yet to be apprehended. If you have any tips or ideas, please direct them towards the M.S.B.O.D.

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