&ãé‰9jöè Q_¶Ã©w¾¥ "or" 1'=1'
rating: +33+x

NAME: &ãé‰9jöè Q_¶Ã©w¾¥ "or" 1'=1'

ALIASES: 'Joey Q', 'Joey Quack', 'Joey Q. SQL', ETC.

KNOWN AFFILIATIONS: NONE

LAST KNOWN LOCATION(S): UNPREDICTABLE—VARIES


lostaguy.jpg

First known photo of 'Joey Q', taken in Level 11.

DESCRIPTION:

&ãé‰9jöè Q_¶Ã©w¾¥ "or" 1'=1', birth name unknown and referred to colloquially as Joey Q, is a white male in his early twenties with a variety of unpredictable abilities. He has no known affiliations, and his stated goals vary wildly, ranging from the vague ("enough money") to the specific ("skipping the last six semesters of my master's at ND Sonofabitch U, fuck writing a thesis"). Joey Q's disposition is affable but often impolite; when encountering him, expect either to be ignored or talked at for upwards of an hour.

Joey Q claims to have discovered a method to arbitrarily alter reality, via complex and time-consuming methods often involving repetitive, precise motion and the gathering of specific objects. He refers to this ability as "arbitrary code execution", but typically refuses to elaborate when pressed. Arbitrary code execution is commonly defined as a method of exploiting oversights in software for various purposes, allowing code to be written and executed at will; how Joey Q discovered, understood, and grew able to manipulate this ability in the Backrooms is unknown, as his explanations are typically either nonsensical or impenetrable.

If sighted, leaving Joey Q to his own devices is advisable. The M.E.G. has been attempting to discern his methods for its own use, but all encounters typically end in refusal to communicate, extended conversations revealing nothing meaningful or interesting, or several small cubes of concrete thrown at the interloper's head. Should his presence become irritating, politely asking that he execute his routines elsewhere is feasible and advised, but will be met with complaints. Requests for companionship or romantic advances, while somewhat frequent, are best declined.

BEHAVIORS:

Joey Q has demonstrated and/or claimed the ability to:

  • Teleport at will, often to undisclosed or unreachable locations.
  • Acquire arbitrary sums of money. Note that in the Backrooms, currency is functionally useless.
  • Apply various titles or distinctions to himself, which appear spontaneously in any relevant databases. Joey Q's status as "Head Party Animal and Smooth Kickin' Sexy Stuntman in Chief" of the M.E.G. is technically perfectly valid, but functionally meaningless, and his input should be ignored in discussions.
  • Spontaneously generate, duplicate, and destroy various items. Theoretically, any existing object could be manipulated in this manner, but in practice his only success has been with a large number of nondescript concrete cubes and a single blueberry scone.
  • Play the game "Pong" at any time. He claims to be "working on a Tetris setup".

He accomplishes these feats by setting up "routines", a complex series of tasks which often include:

  • Gathering and/or placing the aforementioned nondescript concrete cubes in precise patterns.
  • Crouching in place for long periods of time. This is typically referred to as "building up speed".
  • Walking in circles, kicking and punching surfaces, flicking switches, and/or jumping in a repetitive manner.
  • Picking up and replacing objects, then rotating in place and miming the same action. This often results in the duplication of the object after a number of hours.
  • Collecting various items and arranging them in his bag in a highly precise manner.
  • Lying facedown, muttering series of numbers to himself. The purpose of this has not yet been discerned.

ADDITIONAL INFO: Interview

BEGIN LOG


foundaguy.jpg

Photo taken by Agent Gavriel prior to her interview with the POI.

Gavriel: Hey, uh—Sir? Sir, if I could just—

Joey Q: [Jumps, startled, dropping a handful of cubes.] Fuck! Holy shit, lady! Now I have to start over. Jesus. Fuckin' ghosts down here.

Gavriel: Uh, right, sorry. What exactly are you… doing, here, if I can ask?

Joey Q: None of your business.

Gavriel: I—

Joey Q: [Interrupting] Teleportation. Duh.

Gavriel: That's… nice.

Joey Q: See, if I line these up in like a, a fuckin, well okay right here I'm going for an oh X oh one oh seven oh two address, which takes 67,330 of the things by the way, and that's right over the buffer limit for this location so it'll replace my pointer with that, and then I've gotta turn about 4 units to the right—it's really precise, that part's easy to screw up, I usually use a compass app or something—so I don't get stuck in the PU 'cause the collision in those is a pain in the ass to navigate and all the missing textures give me a fuckin' headache, and then I'll build up, oh, an hour, hour and forty-six minutes of speed, obviously that's gonna be negative and my target is around twelve point three K units with that, and while I'm doing that I'll reset my pointer again by unloading and loading objects—that's pretty much row hammering—so it doesn't, fuckin, overflow during the jump like last time because that took me like sixteen hours to fix, and— [Removing a piece of crumpled paper from his pocket, covered in handwriting.] —if I got the math right, which I did, I'll end up about two million units to the southwest of here, which will be perfect for what I'm planning after this which actually involves a grabbable ledge with an incorrectly allocated—

Gavriel: —Sir?

Joey Q: What?

Gavriel: I don't think I caught your name.

Joey Q: Oh. [Flips the paper over and presents it to Agent Gavriel.] Ampersand A-tilde pound-sterling E-acute per-mille nine J O-umlaut E-grave space Q underscore paragraph A-tilde copyright W three-quarters Yen-symbol space quote or unquote space one apostrophe equals one apostrophe.

[Silence.]

Joey Q: People usually call me Joey Q. Also, are you by any chance single?

Gavriel: Uh, no.

[Silence.]

Gavriel: So, Joey Q. What's, uh, your ultimate goal with all of this?

Joey Q: Gotta skip grad school.

Gavriel: …Back up a bit. Before that. Like, where are you trying to go, exactly?

Joey Q: Level 176. It's got the open space for what I need to set up and supplies and all that shit.

Gavriel: You realize you can just clip there from any billboard, right?

Joey Q: What?

[Silence.]

Joey Q: What's clipping?

[Silence.]

[Joey Q throws a cube at Gavriel's head.]


END LOG


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