Enigmatic Entity - The Conductor

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I can't believe I'm doing this…

Aw, c'mon dude! Don't ya wanna stay on-brand?

Well, yes, but- hmm, nevermind. Hello. As you might have guessed, I am The Conductor of Level 317. My deepest apologies for editing your previous article regarding us, but as my crimson counterpart put it, the page was quite the "drabmaster 5000 [sic]". In addition, several easily explainable things were labelled as "unknown" or "unexplainable", which I personally took a hint of offense to. So, as of now, consider this page


Featuring The Conductor AND THE CONDUCTORRR!!!!!

Each of these questions were submitted by members of Onslaught Junkies United and the Shuffle Squad. Now, without further ado, let's begin.

Q) Who/What Are You?

We, as in The Conductor and myself, are a single mind that split into multiple souls upon entry to the backrooms. Though we technically share a body, wCheck it, the mind we both share is the mind of a SUPER ULTRA MEGA HYPER AMPED ULTIMATE SUPERGOD OF ULTIMATE DESTINY SUPERDELUXE+++™️ , so we can pretty much do whatevz with that power!

…Including being multiple places at the same time. Though we are commonly referred to collectively as "The Conductor", you may refer to me as J. Nesko (or just Nesko is fine) and my counterpart as Ozkon.

Q) Where Did You Come From?

We came from a world where beings of our power level are commonplace. Several other beings of this calibre resided there as well, while some travelled to other dimensions to begin new life. We used to be one such being. However, at one point in time, we were subject to…something…which was too much for one mind to bear.

And that's why we come as THE REALIO PACKAGE DEALIO, yo!!! Also, before ya start chewin what ya can't swallow, lay off on questions about that "something". C'mon, ya gotta leave SOME things ambiguous!
Where's the fun in knowing shit?

…That's a little blunt, but yes. Please refrain from bringing up the "something". It's… not fun to think about.

Q) Are You A Threat?

Of course not. Though we are two separate individuals, we share a common goal…


Over the course of our time here, we have noticed some especially hazardous locations within this strange world. So, we both decided to create locations where you have nothing to worry about. My level focuses on letting creativity flourish and grow as you use your wits to solve others' puzzles, while Ozkon's level is… well, we agreed that he would explain it himself.

OKAY Check it: to be friggity-frank with ya, not to brag but I'm a bit of an ADRENALINE JUNKIE™️, y'know? But I still wanted people to have some fun with it! So that's why I made ONSLAUGHT STATION - controlled risk! It's like a roller coaster that you FIGHT as you ride it!

Nevertheless, you will never have to worry about us being a threat to your livelihoods, as we hope to be the exact opposite.

Q) What is your favorite food?

Personally, I am quite fond of sandwiches. The sheer diversity and artistry of each one is astounding. When you think about it, sandwiches are one of the most personalized food items in existence. No two sandwiches will ever be alike, as each one is meticulously tailored to their commissioner's greatest desire. So many choices, so many methods, each sandwich is like a personal little reflection of one's personality. The infinity and harmony of it all is absolutely enchanting to me, if I'm being honest. WheI think they meant favorite food to EAT, broski.

Oh! Er, well… See, we don't actually require food to survive. As a being of higher power, we are capable of simply existing with no prerequisites. Though I do admit, MakroMarx1 has made me very curious on the logistics of water.

Oh yeah, ain't that the funky juice ya gotta milk almonds for?

…I can't tell if you're referring to almond milk or almond water, but that doesn't matter since both of those are incorrect. MakroMarx claims that in their world, they drink standard, unflavored water, which intruiges me. Why choose normal water over something with flavor?

God damn, these guys are just PACKED TO THE BRIGGITY-BRIM with surprises, huh! Also, for the record, Mad Dog 357 Plutonium No. 9 is my favorite beverage, I drink it on the reg. Really PACKS A PUNCH™️!!!!

Q) Why Are You Called The Conductor?

Well, that started with Ozkon. I'll let him explain.

OK OK, so. When I decided to make ONSLAUGHT STATION, I made it a train because trains are fuckin BADASS. So, naturally, the leader of a train is its Conductor. That's how I chose the title! Pretty wicked, right?

As for me, I figured I'd have a more… scientific feel for my level, so I justified it during the early concept stages by calling the boards "experiments" that i would be conducting. Clever, no?

It's cheesy as hell, but that's what makes it SO GREAT!!!!!

Q) Are there any more conductors?

Of course there are. However, we will refrain from revealing them here. We shall wait until they are ready to be known before hosting another interview with them.

Actually, one of em's preparing to make their BIG DEBUT pretty soon! Want me to go grab em real quick or-

No, that won't be necessary. We wouldn't want to spoil their surprise now, would we?


Looks like we've answered each question! Yup… all six of them…

Hey c'mon, don't sweat the deets TOO hard! Just because we got SIX WHOLE QUESTIONS doesn't mean they're scared of askin' shit! They're probably just stumped on what to ask! Besides, with what I'VE got in the works… they'll be BEGGIN' 4 MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you, Ozkon, I appreciate that. Wait, what exactly are you working on right now?

Well, if ya wanna know, maybe let's NOT tell em here.
This thing's gonna be HUGE after all, so I wanna make sure everything's in tippity-toppity shape before spillin' the BODACIOUS BEANS of BEWILDERNESS™️!

Hmmm… alright then. In that case, take care, whoever reads this. Don't be afraid to stop by Level 317, we're always welcoming new companions.

rating: +23+x
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