Hello! Thanks for being patient with me. I’ve read through the draft.
TLDR: I really, REALLY like this idea. At the same time, the details of the level need more development, and the writing needs a lot of SpaG.
Long version:
This is a fantastic idea. It makes me think of creepy, early 90’s computer graphics. For me at least, there’s an element of nostalgia, combined with a creepy, uncanny space that pushes human limits. Being trapped in this level would definitely drive someone mad- and the fact that we can be driven mad just by colour and sensory overwhelm alone is a great aspect of human vulnerability to explore. This level is both empty and overstimulating- and that’s a fascinating combination.
Having said that, the execution and the SpaG both need work still. I think the level needs way more detail- in particular, it needs more fleshing out about what it looks like, how it physically/mentally harms people, and how/why the Partygoers are involved. These are some specific points and questions I had while reading:
Level Appearance
- what is the basic physical structure of this level? I’m having trouble getting a sense of the layout. It says a “living space”, and also that there are hallways. Is it one giant house? An endless maze of smaller rooms and halls? Are there any other features besides windows, doors, and the pictures on the walls? (ie. Is there any furniture? Stairs?) Or is it mostly empty, and the colours are on the floors and walls?
- I want more description about what the colours look like! Do they cycle? Are they random? Do bands or patches of colour crawl across the surface of things? What colours? Just the colours of the standard rainbow, or every bright neon colour visible to the human eye?
- “…constantly changing colours in a slow, chroma fashion…”
“…Certain area's will have either a lighter or darker shade of the strobe colours changing…”
This is confusing, since slow, morphing colours and strobe lighting are two very different things. Is it one or the other? Or is it both- do some areas of the level have slow colours, while others have strobe lights?
- what’s outside the windows? Can wanderers see anything? Are they just windows, or entity Windows?
- “…are some pictures of party lights…”
I’m not sure what this means. What are party lights?
- where is the “chroma door” exit located? A specific room? Does it randomly appear? Are there any other doors?
- why compare this level to The Whiteout? Their primary features- all white vs endless changing colours- are very different. Is it meant to imply that this level is another “version” of the Whiteout, somehow? That this level and the Whiteout are related? If the comparison is being made just to show that this level is like an endless house, I don’t know if it’s necessary- many levels are house-like, so this level can just be described for what it is. I think comparing a level to another level only makes sense if there’s a story about them being somehow related, or the M.E.G investigating a connection between them. Which could totally be the case! But if so, that needs to be clearer.
Mental & Physical Effects
- “First Aid kit. For any wanderers who might suffer from the lights”
I don’t have any medical training, but most First Aid kits I’ve seen don’t have much for eyes, except for maybe eyedrops or a rinse cup. I don’t think either of these things would help with brightness or visual strain- these things only help with physical dirt/irritants. What would help people with the visual strain in this level? Maybe medication for headaches might be more useful to have on hand? The sunglasses are a great idea though!
- “The levels lights have been rumoured to "mind-control" anyone if in the level for a long period of time, so wanderers are advised to drink as much as 2-3 bottles, due to the size of the level.”
Expand more on this. What exactly does the mind-control make people do?
- “Most wanderers that had escaped Level 307 either had gotten very sick for months or straight up died in a couple of days.”
Why? It’s okay if it’s a mystery, but I think it needs a little more detail. What killed them? Extreme stress? Physical deterioration? The people who survive- how are they sick? What symptoms do they have? What care did they require?
The Partygoers
- “The only other objects that stay the same colour are some pictures of party lights, giving an indication of Partygoers potentially originally being the only habitants inside the level…”
As soon as the Partygoers are involved anywhere, there’s a story. They’ve been established as a major threat-factor in the Backrooms, and the M.E.G takes their activity very seriously. So if there’s any chance Partygoers are involved in this level, the level entry will be thorough in explaining how, for the sake of travellers’ safety. What are the party lights, and why do these pictures indicate that the Partygoers might have been here? How did the M.E.G react to finding these pictures? Have they conducted any searches in the level, to look for other signs of Partygoer presence? Can the pictures no-clip people to the SS. Fun? Does M.E.G have an official recommendation, that travellers be on the lookout while in this level?
I like the idea of Partygoers hanging out here- it seems like a good place for them, as it’s playful and torturous at the same time- but develop the story further! Are there any more clues as to why they came here, and why they left?
- Also, the draft mentions that Partygoers might have lived here, but then also says that the colour effects kill entities- this is a contradiction. Are Partygoers uniquely immune to the colour effects?
Other Thoughts
- Maybe change the level rating to something other than “Pending”. It’s been made very clear that this level can kill people without almond water- it causes vision damage and psychiatric effects, and it’s a bad idea to stay there long term. I think that’s enough to warrant an established danger class.
- I also think it’s worth considering to change the entrances and exits to existing levels, not ones that haven’t been written yet. There are two reasons I think this is a good idea. 1, it will connect this level to further lore. And 2, stating details for non-existent levels might cause problems further down the road, for other writers. For example, “Secret trapdoor under a table in Level 40”. Level 40 doesn’t exist yet. What if someone else gets around to writing level 40 first, and creates an environment that has no tables? Suddenly this entrance wont make sense.
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Aside from these points, there are also SpaG issues to resolve in the writing- but I’m going to stop here for now. Work out the details of the level first, and clarify the information that’s already there. Again, I love the idea, but the descriptions feel incomplete and a bit rushed. Some of the stated facts contradict each other or don’t make sense. Spend some more time with it! Explore the nuances of how this rainbow-hell slowly breaks people who go there.
Best!
