The art is nice. Did you draw it? Make sure to give credit in the licensing box for every image you use.
So, reading over your page, I'm not quite sure this character should be an entity. I'm getting more POI vibes from it, especially since she's so human-like. Of course, individual entities do get their own pages, but something about this just gives me POI vibes.
Anyway, the page needs more to itself. Right now, it's just a list of attributes and features, and is more a character description. Rather than it just being a character description, it needs to have a greater purpose.
For example, look at Entity 13. It uses a report structure to the page, but through the reports, there is a story about fear, confronting that fear, and acceptance. It has greater themes to it rather than "spooky mysterious monster."
Another interesting page you should look at is Entity 18. This page does not follow the regular format of an entity page. Instead, it gives us a story about who the character is, what they do, and their place in the world, making the page more interesting to read while also allowing the writer's voice to shine through.
I'm not sure what this entity's place in the world is. At the moment, it's another spooky monster. I would like to see more. Answer these questions for me in the page:
- Who is this person?
- What is their purpose?
- Why are they important?
Also, do remember we are a Creative Commons site. If this is a character you are attached to, I recommend saving it for a personal project and not one where people can use this character without your permission. Good luck in the next draft.
