Let me start off with what I like about this. The vivid imagery and emotional depth present in your writing is very apparent and makes this a very unique read; this gives me a deeper level of immersion than most pages on the site do, and that's such a rare feeling. The writing is vague yet specific enough to put the reader in the speaker's shoes very easily.
That being said, the pacing feels very off, and I feel that a lot of what's here is redundantly added. The first four paragraphs provide very nice introspection, and though the pacing starts to heavily slow down (despite the dialogue blurb contrasting it), it still works. The last two paragraphs are completely unnecessary, though. They aren't adding anything interesting to the previously mentioned topics, and they just act as fluff; ideally, they would be a transition into the conclusion of the work, which comes about way too suddenly to feel natural. (There were some minor issues with tense, but not enough for me to want to bring up.)
I was very heavily thinking about whether I wanted to give this an up-vote or a down-vote, and I think, based on that hesitation, that means that I should just abstain from voting on this.
