Seeking critics and possibly greenlight

[Seeking critics and potentially greenlight] - Entity 124 "The Memory Manager"

Nimortal 03 Dec 2023 15:20

Please review my entity draft: http://backrooms-sandbox-2.wikidot.com/nonutfor-imortal-2
It's my first time trying to create an entity so please leave your opinions here after you finish reading. I appreciate any form of comment as it's all very helpful for me. Cheers.

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-The infamous radioactive piece of bread.

Last edited on 03 Dec 2023 16:13 by Nimortal Show more

Re: [Seeking critics and potentially greenlight] - Entity 124 "The Memory Manager"

HatBowler 10 Dec 2023 22:27

I'm rather new to the site, but I noticed the trading memories kind of dealing is skimmed over and not really put into depth.

Maybe explaining the value of speific memories and what the entity would give in turn?

Re: [Seeking critics and potentially greenlight] - Entity 124 "The Memory Manager"

Nimortal 11 Dec 2023 15:12

Firstly, thank you very much for pointing it out to me. Regarding the article, I'll specify the memory dealing and all that kinds of stuff. I hope you'll be able to review my article again after I've fixed the issue.
Best regards,
Nonutfor Imortal

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-The infamous radioactive piece of bread.

Re: Seeking critics and possibly greenlight

Nimortal 08 Dec 2023 16:24

This is just a decoy post to bring my thread up. Nothing to see here. Please refer to the top post for the article's link.

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-The infamous radioactive piece of bread.

Re: Seeking critics and possibly greenlight

Nimortal 10 Dec 2023 11:50

May any one crit my draft here?

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-The infamous radioactive piece of bread.

Stuck Criticism - Entity 124

Error012 12 Dec 2023 14:12

Hello, this is a review that will be updated. Stay tuned, as little by little this will get bigger. By the way I'm doing everything I couldn't do before. Here you have my review.

The entity gives you a memory about something...

Entity 124, often regarded as "Memory Businessman", "Geometrical thing" or officially "The Memory Manager" is an Entity with powers that can affect one's neurological network.

After "The Memory Manager" add a , so that when reading the time it is correct.

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124 also has the ability to cause confusion, lightheadedness, dizziness, and temporary memory loss. This effect is directly proportioned to the distance from 124. Other than distorting your brain signals at close range, 124 is also capable of making deals and signing contracts with the main currency traded being memory. It is unknown what Entity 124 can do but based on the transcripted audio file from underneath, we can surely see that 124 can and will kill humans in certain situations. It can also transform the waterways of Level 227 and create certain objects. But be aware that these objects aren't real and when used against 124 may cause failures and might result in conflict, which should be avoided at all costs.

Please, I recommend that you change the parts that say "124" to "The entity" or "Entity 124", as it may cause confusion for some readers (perhaps new ones).

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Last edited on 28 Dec 2023 16:38 by Error012 Show more

Re: Stuck Criticism - Entity 124

Nimortal 17 Dec 2023 06:23

I very much appreciate your help. If there's anything that needs to be fixed, please contact me.
Best regards,
Nonutfor Imortal

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-The infamous radioactive piece of bread.