Let Your Justice Be Swift / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page Let Your Justice Be Swift.

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Super-Robot14 03 Dec 2023 02:55

isn't this pantheon
if so I will novote

PenOrSaber1 03 Dec 2023 11:21

Decent. Could even possibly fit into my own Pantheon storyline.
+1, wanna talk in pms and hear my plans?

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Just a high schooler who thinks he is good at writing. Likes working on a lot of stuff, ranging from writing for the Backrooms Wiki, to providing critique, and reading. ~ Pen.
"The truth is the truth. What changes is what we know about it and what we're willing to believe."
- Jonathan Maberry, Rot and Ruin

KKitsunebi 03 Dec 2023 16:22

Yes!

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May your truth be unmasked.

Reason for downvoting

BlueSignet 06 Dec 2023 02:52

Nice continuation of the previous chapter, but your pacing is off. The fight with Argos is brushed off so quickly, I had to reread multiple times to see what was going on. The sudden appearance of the Iron Fist just didn't do it for me, feeling like a deus ex machina rather than a natural progression of the story. Also, Davriel isn't going to ask Aklavos why he knows Argos? Seems like a wasted opportunity to me.

Overall, this bit feels like a "things happen because the author needed them to happen."

Re: Reason for downvoting

KKitsunebi 03 Jan 2024 19:25

Makes sense… Hmm. I'll have to work on my pacing, aye? Thanks for the criticism!

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May your truth be unmasked.

Overall enjoyed

msluce09 06 Jun 2024 21:05

I especially liked the beginning with the conversation. You have a great opportunity to improve the Argos/fight scene by drawing it out a little. I too got confused at times and had to reread to figure out what was happening. Pacing is difficult, but this entry could really shine if you could work on the pacing. Also, this is minor, and it might just be me, but I don't see Argos sighing when he's so full of rage righteous indignation.