Luckily/unluckily for you, I have scriptwriting experience!
Okay, so general critique:
Characters' names when they're speaking should be all-caps and centered, like so:
CHARACTER NAME
(brief actions here)
Dialogue
Also in scripts, greater actions and things that set the scene should not have any fancy formatting around them. It should really just look like a paragraph. (Like this)
In addition, dialogue should be snappy and short. The introductory Narrator message is too long. Condense it and cut out unneeded information. Good dialogue has people leave out information, trail off. Characters shouldn't say what's happening or what they're doing.
In addition, the text messages themselves can be used as a character with dialogue:
MYSTERIOUS TEXT
We've reached the actual rising action, which is before the climax.
Really, anything the Narrator says could probably just be put in a paragraph to set the scene or given to the Actor.
Right now, it's a bit too long for me to give detailed crit aside from up above. But your next steps should be to go through and cut down the dialogue and narration, as well as fixing the format to fit the script format more.
PenOrSaber1, 05 Aug 2023 13:19