+1
Bluelit (basically greenlit) this article. It's pretty good!
Level 61 / Discussion
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My only real qualm with this piece is that there sure are a lot of Senses being Evoked in the first half of this article. You've painted a wonderful picture of a dark, cold gridlock of suspended skyscrapers silently gliding past each other. It's fine to use it once or twice, but after the fourth iteration of "evoking a sense of X" it starts to feel like you're not entirely confident that those senses are coming across in the piece on their own—which they are! This is one of the most atmospherically sound pieces I've read in a while; I don't necessarily need to be explicitly told of the mystery and danger found in the nonexistent corporate brands and wobbling concrete bridges.
Other than that—stellar work! It's clear that the extra bluelight push is paying off; SPaG and formatting gets top marks. Easy increment from me.
Thank you so much! I'll take all of this into consideration for sure.
Fox be groovin', be movin', and by god be shootin', but most importantly be writing.
- Signed by: MyrandFox
didnt know that was possible until now
probably a nuliminal thing
Whoa, it’s a forum signature. Ain’t that cool?
I’m waking up to ash and dust
I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust
(account deleted)object 6's footnotes look completely broken on mobile
Fox be groovin', be movin', and by god be shootin', but most importantly be writing.
- Signed by: MyrandFox
yea the collapsible block is just white and comes out of the footnote block
and the div is just a white background with black framing it
hi it is me aaron92
yeah im seeing quite a few problems here. firstly (this is a minor nitpick but) some of the words you use are visibly repeated a lot, either throughout the article, or in more concentrated episodes (eg: This effect can make it extremely difficult for wanderers to properly navigate the level since their senses are affected by the disorienting effect caused by the towers.) secondly, the part where you reference level ! and old level 188 feels WAY too shoehorned; it doesnt fit with the rest of the level at all. also the transition between it and the part before is very, very rough. the last part, the entrances and exits, also feels like its trying to shoehorn something in, although im not sure what, and the entire section just feels like an excuse to self-promote some of the pages you've made. for all those reasons, its unfortunately a -1. i would mainly work on smoothening out the transitions.
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I'll take it into consideration but I can't exactly see your points with the shoehorn stuff. The transition is a key part of the article as it stands and the transition is styled after Level 42. The exits and entrances have my levels because 1. 911 lacked any other connections, 2. 42 is related to 61, 3. 95's underneath now has a second exit, first one is level 12.1. Incorporating your own works isn't anything bad and it's not "self-promotion", I simply chose to use my own works because someone has to, especially because some are very strict about what can be used as exits and entrances.
Fox be groovin', be movin', and by god be shootin', but most importantly be writing.
- Signed by: MyrandFox
what
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I wonder if the train level will get a new level number and a rewrite
“tremendously warm water”, you say? Wouldn’t that just be hot water?
I love the ideas you have here, but the writing needs to be polished up a bit once you have more experience. Other than that, good job!
"once you have more experience"
what 💀
also tremendously warm indicates that it isn't just "hot", it's REALLY hot. But hot sounds boring so warm it is. Could also be boiling-
Fox be groovin', be movin', and by god be shootin', but most importantly be writing.
- Signed by: MyrandFox
Except "Tremendous warm water" etc. other can be accepted. It means just hot.
I upvoted this a while ago, but I haven't left a comment.
To me this is a masterpiece, it is right up my alley. It has that liminal and dreamy aesthetic that I adore, the creepy mystery of the decaying exit. One of my favorites!
- Univ
I really dig this concept. The idea of floating skyscrapers being slowly pushed by strong winds is so surreal, one of the things right at home in the Backrooms.
Thinking about the huge buildings crashing, the combination also sounds like a recipe for disaster.
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