snipe
(account deleted) 01 May 2023 19:28
number 2
hi it is me aaron92
defrag / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page defrag.
I shall remove the snipe above me. In all seriousness, this is good.
No, do not unsnipe my snipe. My snipes are rare and must be kept unharmed or untouched.
hi it is me aaron92
no one should ever unsnipe a snipe
does anyone see these forum signatures, also why does this have more space than the description
I've learned the dark arts of sniping and thus must use them.
no pls no unsnipe!!!
hi it is me aaron92
*over dramatic gasp* so the prophecy was true
does anyone see these forum signatures, also why does this have more space than the description
they are truly the chosen one
uhhhh ye
The problems I noticed with the previous one haven't been fixed.
Goodness, wikidot has a weird account system. What's this weird forum signature thi
This is still bad, just bad that's now longer. It has Chibnall Dr Who writing mixed with Marvel one liners. No one really feels like a person, besides the first part with Gudang and who I'm assuming is a previous inheritor of the Keymaster lineage (this offset is probably the best part.) And those issues are shown really well in the dialogue.
Obviously, dialogue is meant to push the narrative anyhoo, but the character's dialogue is so on the nose. Brian's wife shows she's his wife and they both have a hard job. all of which is just displayed plainly in dialogue. not in the description of location or tone of voice or things around them, but… just by speaking it. feels very unnatural.
Also the ending sucks! Look, I get it's probably emotional or whatever to people who can understand what the fuck is going on, but to a schmucko like me, I'm left baffled. I can understand the moments that lead up to it, even if the Brian intro is a bit pointless and could've been replaced by explaining how Brian became the new Keymaster to better show why Gudang wouldn't like them (if I'm understanding that part of the narrative correctly) but the final confrontation is terrible. For one, I can't understand what's happening with Isle and Gaius at all. I don't even know where to start with it. I just can't understand a thing with Gaius and Isle, how the possession thing actually works, and why it cracked for no reason before then fully taking over? But then somehow it didn't take over, because when she was stabbed in the head, Isle's flesh was still inside the statue? Like… What. I also don't understand the whole key thing. Why the hell does Keymaster have a key to make Isle fully controlled by Gaius? The alternative is she made it, but there's not much precident for that(not to mention not a single use of the phrasing "made", "creates", "forms", or anything to connote it's a new key). He feels more like a Locke than the keymaster here, just having various keys for different things
Considering these two are both god avatars(something I actually know now!) the first bit of the fight went surprisingly quick and easy. Just a good ol' slice to the neck and Gaius is weakened a hell of an amount (kinda funny how that causes the two to enter whatever the fuck happens after, but Keymaster getting a gaping hole in his chest just heals fine) and then the last part of the fight is "an invisible war, a psychic battle of wills." which is just a fucking copout. There was so much writing above, and putting the climax of the fight into just a small paragraph reads more like "I didn't want to finish this" than actual fighting. It's dull, and really laughable. Almost feels like a placeholder.
I don't for the life of me understand why Keymaster stabbing Gaius in the neck with a "key-sword"(??? shit me, he really IS a Locke) makes them do some astrological, shared-mind tripping shit. That's just confusing as all hell for me. Not only the circumstances that cause it, but also just what happens during it. Feels like a bunch of vaguely poetic dribble meant to sound nice but not really mean anything. I'll be honest and say I skimmed it, it was too baffling to want to actually read what it is.
"Oh, but contrare(I don't know how to spell this word) madam reviewer!" I hear people plee,
"It makes sense if you read the other Keymaster or NG pages!"
Yeah, no.
Okay, well, maybe, I don't know I haven't read them at all. But realistically, I shouldn't need to backread for something to make sense. Of course, events can reference events from other stories, and not everything should be self contained! But so much of this is clearly reliant on the reader already knowing so much about the Pants-are-on canon. So, for someone like me, this is confusing and crap. (ignoring the actual writing and plot downfalls for this)
Sure, the key-swords and mind battles and whatever was going on with Isle and Gaius at the start of the final offset make sense for people who've been involved since day 1 or vastly kept up with the meta probably know why these things happen, but people who aren't don't. There's no harm in re-explaining things for the sake of the page, or giving a reading list to help things make sense to average idiots like myself. This has the potential to maybe be good, but right now it's just not.
-1
Eyy.. i just typed a loada garrbagge
ive dug too deep into this part of the backrooms and now im just happy at the image of ARGHH WHOLESOME REUNION AFTER THEY BOTH NEARLY MURDER EACH OTHER
idk, maybe my standards r just low. maybe its late at night
It just seems…shallow to me. And for it to suddenly cut off at the end instead of having a proper conclusion seems like a move of a twelve year old trying to create an ending to a horror piece. Plus, there isn't much background information offered here, and it seems like I just got dumped into the middle of a short story. Sorry, -1.
Just a high schooler who thinks he is good at writing. Likes working on a lot of stuff, ranging from writing for the Backrooms Wiki, to providing critique, and reading. ~ Pen.
"The truth is the truth. What changes is what we know about it and what we're willing to believe."
- Jonathan Maberry, Rot and Ruin
Will get back to you later after I read the offsets. I didn't look at those simply because I assumed that those would take me to entirely different stories. Perhaps leave a note somewhere telling where the offsets are.
(I'm going to feel stupid if there is a note in the author's collapsible)
Just a high schooler who thinks he is good at writing. Likes working on a lot of stuff, ranging from writing for the Backrooms Wiki, to providing critique, and reading. ~ Pen.
"The truth is the truth. What changes is what we know about it and what we're willing to believe."
- Jonathan Maberry, Rot and Ruin
Okay, taking into consideration the offsets, I have decided to upvote. I feel this crafts a delightful story with plenty of details. Truly, every offset clicks together perfectly to make the whole tale.
Just a high schooler who thinks he is good at writing. Likes working on a lot of stuff, ranging from writing for the Backrooms Wiki, to providing critique, and reading. ~ Pen.
"The truth is the truth. What changes is what we know about it and what we're willing to believe."
- Jonathan Maberry, Rot and Ruin
/forum/t-15840023/defrag#post-