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Entity 99 - "The Game Master" / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page Entity 99 - "The Game Master".
very good rewrite of Game Master, even despite the Pantheon mention which just wasn't interesting. It didn't go super over the top, which I like, it just treats itself like a pretty simple and good page which is very very effective
+1
Eyy.. i just typed a loada garrbagge
Void, added different comment further down
I'm justice!…What?…No not the blind folded girl!
Justafan177 and.Scutoid Studios,
Nice to see everyone on board with +1's. You deserve it!
"It is easier to burn a house down than to build one."
Downvotes are downers. Take care, my friend.
I like this rewrite
actually I dislike the Pantheon itself, but really love the Pantheon part in the gamemaster.
get my upvote
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A very good rewrite, but a question, can you give a hint on what happens at the end of the log so we can get a clue on what happened?
Almost certainly death
Almost all Game Master lore (before this rewrite) was written such that the Game Master killed its victims. I don’t think this one is any different.
Whoa, it’s a forum signature. Ain’t that cool?
I’m waking up to ash and dust
I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust
Cut and implied deaths like this are so cliché… a bit sad that this rewrite chose that route!
(account deleted)kind of bold of you to assume death, I kinda think Game master does worst things to the victims, think of them as worst then death fates
The rewrite of this article originally caught my eye for how competente it appeared to be. Upon analysis of the content, however, I was very disappointed. One thing that immediately caught my eye was the “nerfing” of the games. The games were originally interesting in that it implied that they were morbid twists on well known games without telling you, such as pin the tale on the parrot (Jerry) and kim-Lee returning with multiple missing nails after the realistic chess match. It was good for showing that it was such without telling. Not only does this article fail to do that, but it turns said games into identical ripoffs such as calling monopoly “capitalism” and having it function mostly if not entirely identically to the original. To me that screams lack of creativity, rather than a morbidly interesting “show don’t tell” approach of the original. It completely destroys any sort of unsettling nature, mystery, or intriguing features of the entity. It even removes certain details like implying that with every game she gets stronger and may eventually escape.
The log itself is dry compared to the original. Most of the subtlety I mentioned earlier is gone, the dialogue is boring and generic, and has a bad case of what I call “lore dump log syndrome” where the log serves no purpose except to elaborate strictly and solely on previously mentioned elements without introducing new things or displaying any subtlety at all, and the dialogue in these logs is typically pretty bad too — this one is no exception. While the original log was extremely intriguing, realistic, insightful, and subtle in a genius way, this throws all of that to the wayside and is incredibly boring to read. The crown jewel, being the voice log, is also gone. I understand the original couldn’t be used for obvious reasons, but it is very upsetting to see that go.
Last but not least, the pantheon stuff is totally shoehorned in and physically made me groan when I saw it. It does not belong in this article at all and should be something left for a later tale. Especially the god guy at the end. It shifts focus away from the game master herself completely, ruins the flow and tone, and is jammed in there to the detriment of the article (not even mentioning how difficult it is to read the note with that color background).
Overall, this article lacks the subtle unsettling details which made it so good originally, the unique concepts have been nerfed, ignored, or destroyed by the poor execution, the log is poorly executed and feels far less polished and charming than the original, and the pantheon stuff is uselessly shoehorned in and completely ruins the entire article.
Tips to work on for the future:
- Show don’t tell! Subtlety imply certain features. Horror is all about mystery. In the words of Stephen king, ‘Once the monster behind the door is revealed, it immediately becomes underwhelming.’ (Paraphrasing here from his essay about horror). Never reveal all the horrifying details, but imply them. Leave things up to the interpretation of the reader, and allow personal ideas and theories to form. That’s what makes your article interesting.
- Work on adding more to logs. If your log serves 0 purpose but to prove solely things that were previously stated, then it should not be included. Add new concepts to the log not mentioned in the main content, and do what I mentioned in point one and leave things up to interpretation. For example, my logs in 129 and first 2 in sh4dy gr3y are horrible because they serve no purpose but to elaborate on previously mentioned concepts without introducing anything new. I learned overtime this was a poor method of execution, and now in articles like the dark metro I spent more time elaborating on stuff I didn’t mention in the article, and left a lot up to reader interpretation for horror and subtlety.
- Try to keep major articles like this mostly canon neutral, and save the canon stuff for tales or supplementary articles. I can’t make it any clearer how much the pantheon stuff does not belong in this article. While you can employ various headcanon concepts, making an article be so loyal to a certain canon restricts me from using it in other canons or writing tales on it without making it also for the pantheon. A good article is a focused one.
Agreed, I also wanna add the email just dose not feel natural to me, feels like someone was trying to copy something to me or was being to forceful with how she talks and acts.
I'm justice!…What?…No not the blind folded girl!
while i dont agree with everything (cmon the og article wasnt that good. it was slightly better than the average at the time) this definitely shares alot of my own gripes, especially the pantheon mentions. while im sure its not the intention of the authors, it definitely feels like pantheon is slowly encroaching into over-reaching canon territory which. uh. sucks! again im 100% positive thats not the intention, but yknow. i also wholeheartedly agree with the log criticism!
I feel the same way. The rewrite really didn't do the original justice, or was necessary at all imo.
Thirded.
You put it better than I could have myself.
/forum/t-15522278/entity-99-the-game-master#post-