Quite happy with my rewrite. My goal with this one was to give new readers a way to find some of the most important articles quickly if they come here from Level 0. Also sprinkled in some M.E.G. propaganda.
The Manila Room / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page The Manila Room.
nice, nice.
Punctuation's a bit weird, but you did a good job of getting your ideas across in a concise manner
Simple, to the point, acts as an introduction to the Backrooms. Doesn’t do much beyond that but but definitely accomplishes but it’s attempting to achieve, though I would’ve executed it differently. +1
I feel like there are quite a few instances of unusual word choice/arrangement.
I would appreciate elaboration so that such things could be fixed.
On it 👌
It’s ~5:30am where i am so if i don’t respond in the next half-hour i’m probably asleep
The Manila Room is a small room that can be found rarely in Level 0 and often acts as a safe point where wanderers meet when traveling through the level.
“can be found rarely” isn’t usually how what you’re trying to say is arranged.
“can rarely be found”
The Manila Room is an isolated, square room with thick walls within Level 0, named for the beige color of its wallpaper.
I would include “unique” where it explains that the room is “named for the beige color of its wallpaper” to really make it clear that it isn’t just some random naming convention and that the room’s colour is visually distinct from the rest of Level 0.
It has minimal furnishings which vary slightly between appearances, usually no more than a table and chair as well as anywhere from 1 to 4 entrances.
“Appearances” could be replaced with “Instances” depending on the definition of “room” you’re going by. Rooms can be a single room that there is only 1 of in a level, but somewhat often they’re referred to as a TYPE of room, not just a singular room that there exists only 1 of.
In this sentence you lump the number of entrances together with the summary of what furniture manila rooms are likely to have, linking it to the rest of the sentence with “as well as”, making it seem like it’s implying the entrances count as furniture. You might be better off just having a separate sentence in the same paragraph stating, “The room can have anywhere from 1 to 4 entrances.” or “Instances of the room will typically have 1 to 4 entrances.”
The Manila Room is commonly used as a meeting point for wanderers, as despite the changing and isolating nature of Level 0, The Manila Room will always appear in the same location for everyone when discovered and does not have the same effect as Level 0 that prevents wanderers from meeting.
“The Manila Room will always appear in the same location for everyone when discovered” doesn’t make the most sense. It sort of implies that it only comes into existence when discovered?
I feel something like “will always be” or “are always” would be better. It also needs to be more specific. Maybe “instances of The Manila Room will always be in the same location for everyone and do not have the same effect as the rest of Level 0 that prevents wanderers from meeting.” would be better, as it reminds users that there are multiple Manila Rooms, isn’t worded to sound like the room doesn’t exist before it is first discovered by a person, and doesn’t sound as disconnected from Level 0 as before. If it was a sub-level it wouldn’t be necessary to add “the rest of”, but it’s only a room so it’s best to avoid making it seem like a completely separate area.
These noises are reportedly loudest during periods when the lights are off.
It’s mostly unnecessary but i feel like “periods of time” would fit better here than just “period”. “Period” to me makes it sound slightly more like it is an existing measured length of time that the lights go out for, whereas “periods of time” sounds more vague. I’d say if you don’t intend to sound like the lights go out for a specific amount of time, go with that.
The Manila Room is used to store M.E.G. documentation that explains The Backrooms
If you are on-board with the idea that there are multiple instances of The Manila Room throughout Level 0, maybe add “often” between “is used” to make it sound less like it’s talking about a singular location.
Notable Levels of The Backrooms
Document 3/7
You regularly use “appears as a” throughout the whole collapsible document. This used to be a very common mistake authors would make but it seems to be dying out. The levels of the backrooms don’t “appear as” something, they “are/is” something. Typically it only makes sense to use “appear as” when referring to a level with features that regularly change, or a level that not much is known about and where it isn’t known for sure, if the majority of the level looks that way.
Level 0-
Noclipping is *far* from being the only way out of Level 0 and is definitely not the safest. It also should’t be referred to as “safe”, and should instead be referred to as “the most common” or “the safest”. In a place where literal safety and health is a massive concern it is important to point out things like how, depending on where, noclipping can have unpredictable effects and take you to a number of different places.
Instead of “is the only safe, documented way to exit this level.” i’d say “is the most common way people exit this level.” would be the best replacement as it doesn’t imply it’s the *only* way to leave.
Level 4-
“to rest and take refuge or settle down and permanently live in”
should have either an “in” after “to rest and take refuge” or a “to” before “settle down and live permanently”. As it currently is, it seems like “take refuge and settle down” are in the same ‘part’ of the sentence and should be spoken/thought of together. An “in” or “to” would help avoid this confusion.
I appreciate your criticism and have implemented that of it which I feel does help the article. You seem to be using the lack of mentioning your interpretation (that there are multiple) as fact, despite this merely being your own interpretation of the text rather than something the article is missing. Thank you regardless.
Fair enough. And great job with this!
Aside from those little objective now-fixed tidbits (the interpretive stuff i’m not at all bothered about 😅) this is a great rewrite!!
Deserved +1 and a nice rewrite. Simple but enough to get the point out. Good job!
Simple and straight to the point. Great starting point for new folks, and great reminder for old veterans coming back(I think.)
~🌱
I like the idea of the room. at first, I didn't see that the idea fit well, but in the end, it came out great. I'm still learning this place and I'm
Bibliography
1. full source reference
looking at some of these pages this is a great example!
/forum/t-14651900/the-manila-room#post-