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I rewrote practically everything but the idea; That the Brain is the teacher.
I hope you enjoy, but there’s still many mistakes.
I literally do not know what to tag this with. I’m guessing tale?
All right, I plan on expanding this in more articles. I can’t find a way to expand more in this article. For now, it’s a mystery.
Edit: Cool funky text is fixed :D
Thanks Dr_1368!
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Looks a lot better than before, though I feel that more expansion could be useful. For now I'm gonna no-vote until I have the time to give a proper take. School's a bitch, y'know?
Finding the Forgotten, Mending the Found.
Oh definitely. I’m buried in homework.
Edit: For expansion, I’m gonna try to see what works in the sandbox.
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After re-reading, I've given it an upvote. Make sure in the future to expand on this idea (or hey continue it from here in future articles!), because this could go into many good areas that would interest a lot of readers.
Finding the Forgotten, Mending the Found.
Much better than the previous version. The idea is still not the best in my opinion but I think the good writing covers for that. Especially the "bro go back to sleep"-part.
Thanks! I tried my best to write this. Sorry bout the idea; It was the only other one I had.
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Your article is the first I can't rate. I feel the idea is lacking in the actual form yet that is the only thing I don't like.
Funny thing: at first I thought the article was from the perspective of a wall mask, object 24.
For me, an atheist, the brain is who I am, so there is no real question of controlling it as if it was different entity. I feel that a better aproach would've been the same take but about the subconsciousness.
Great writing skills, I'll be looking forward for your articles!
Interesting takes on the self problem:
"Who's Lila?" Video Game by Garage Heathen
"The Egg - A Short Story" by Andy Wair, also narated and made into a video by In A Nutshell youtbe infotainment channel
Thanks! Sorry bout the idea, I’m still trying to figure out what’ll work in effect.
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I don't know man, this is yet another article I just feel absolutely nothing for. There's a reason I novote on 90% of all non contest articles.
Anyways, in a sort of contrary sense to what has been said thus far, I actually like this idea somewhat. I don't exactly know what's going on, but it seems interesting. The "what if" is pretty much exactly middle of the road, it isn't absent enough that I would downvote it for not adhering to the contest, but it doesn't really stick out to me, and I probably couldn't word it into a sentence.
I assume the people at the bottom are supposed to be important entities from other articles? I assume the rightmost person is Blanche from "witness the Beyond" and the handwritten font, but I can't figure out who the other two are from font alone (they might not even be pre-existing characters, I have no idea). Especially because everyone only has like three lines of dialogue.
The length is my other problem, it's so short that everything just goes into my brain and immediately leaves, if this tale had more time to actually build on the premise, maybe it would make more of an impression. I would have liked to see an actually conversation between these apparently uber powerful entities, and either give them some personality or enough lines for their pre-existing one to actually be clear. Hell, lefty only has two lines, righty and middle have three and four.
What really made me too uncomfortable with upvoting this was the essay that makes up the entire first half of the article, its just got a weird tone to it and when I reread this tale my eyes just glaze over it. Overall, this just makes me feel so little emotions that I can't upvote it in good conscious, which means I have to downvote by elimination.
-1
Wow, thanks for the wonderful critique! I felt the need to expand on this but I just couldn’t find anything to do here. I finally got a idea on what to do.
I plan on doing this idea on other articles which I’m currently writing noweach have their own unique personalities ;)
Also, the Beyond is sorta like other out of reality places that are different than the Backrooms. Because they aren’t Backrooms related, I can’t write them rn.
Oh and the people are people who I plan on writing. Observer, Leader, and Fighter. I can’t decide good names yet.
Yikes I can’t expand this more. I can’t build on a premier and add more to it. Then again, my brain is kinda screwed on ideas right now.
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Remembering these good ol days, don't mind me.
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i almost forgot about this
hi it is me aaron92
Welcome, my friend, to when my brain was fried with ideas.
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