Dogfight.
I do like the fact that the entities use actual freaking creative weapons, along with the actual planes
~🌱
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Dogfight.
I do like the fact that the entities use actual freaking creative weapons, along with the actual planes
~🌱
I tried to make it as interesting as possible :3
Thanks for your response! Glad you enjoyed it!
Finding the Forgotten, Mending the Found.
this is just.
it isn't inherently bad. it has fairly decent writing and is definitely words on a page! some words are bigger then others, but the technobabble helps put it into character. regardless, the problem with the technobabble isn't the technobabble. if i had a reason to care for the technobabble i think i'd love the technobabble, ya know? what i'm saying here is within this self contained universe (do keep in mind i have no awareness of this groups lore) this piece gives me words and expects me to care. as a reader, i do not.
now, as a story. this isn't necessarily a story. a fault in the object format as a whole is it doesn't leave room for expansion, but moreover, this doesn't make the attempt to do so. it's a blank slate. it's incredibly boring. it's technobabble to describe something i can read a wikipedia article on then it adds a ton of stuff to it. it's the equivalent of a "here's a thing it can do this and this and this and this and this and this." then, at the one point you could've added story (read: discovery), a very basic/generic story was put on. quite frankly, your discovery section could've worked for like 10 other objects, making it not stand out at all.
key takeaways give me a reason to care for technobabble and make all the technobabble tell me something unique. give me a story, not a wikipedia article. as of now, i am comfortable giving this a downvote. -1
~~~🐜Ant boi baby🐜~~~
what would be an interesting backstory
admittedly the discovery section could be better, never had any good ideas at the time
lmk something you'd like to see as a good backstory and i'll see about editing it, wanna improve this shit anyway
Finding the Forgotten, Mending the Found.
well, what emotions do you wish to evoke? is this article supposed to make me feel happy, sad, remorseful, what kind? admittedly, i can see many stories for this article and it depends mostly on you telling me. regardless, here's a few i can see.
~~~🐜Ant boi baby🐜~~~
thanks for the ideas, i'm gonna start working
Finding the Forgotten, Mending the Found.
not a problem at all, hmu anytime
~~~🐜Ant boi baby🐜~~~