Library
Wiki
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Decay Presence:
Recently, Level 6.3 appears to have been mostly consumed by The Decay, which swiftly became rampant several months after the discovery of the sub-lev
It appears… You have come to visit me?
Please, save us.
Suffer along with us, don't leave us alone in this void.
Succumb to this void, one that consumes all into nothing.
Decay is a natural state of this place… Let yourself succumb to it too.
for our sake.
+1
It's a bit simple in its actual description, but thematically it is very sound. It includes a unique gimmick, but at the same time does not over-rely on it for content. There is a bit of a logistical problem in that some of the buttons and links included in the theme are blotted out unintentionally by the unique css, but it's overall passable. While it isn't exactly a gourmet cake, it still was an enjoyable and short read — like a warm cookie.
TL;DR: Needs more work to be whole.
So, I'm going to be speaking about this from the lens of the person who's responsible for Decay's very inception, so a bit I'd like to preface here is that my standards may be a bit higher since this is a piece of writing for the canon.
First off, and before anything - css. The css on this page is bugged, and I can't read the text unless I highlight it. This could've been easily worked around (i.e changing text colour and the such), but it isn't, which makes the text hard to read on mobile for example. The css also conflicts with the text at the bottom, especially when it has already been clicked on.
Next up, SPaG. Whilst I understand everyone during the contest was busy with their own entries and other people's criticism as well, which means that you may have had a hard time getting any (I can attest to this myself in that when you asked me, I only gave conceptual critique because I don't give SPaG unless I like the idea). However, the text in this article, whilst not exactly impossible to read through, is written in such a way that it's noticeable, and not in a good way. You have good vocabulary and seem to know what you say, but your expression of what you wanted to say is a bit skewed at times, and sentences could use a bit more commas in some areas to make the writing feel less stiff. There's also some areas where certain words are repeated in very close proximity to each other, which is generally considered poor practice.
The idea. This is my biggest gripe with this article. I don't want to sound like an ass when I say this, but what exactly is supposed to be going on in this article? We're exposed to three different plotlines (Decay presence, the sky, whatever's in the decay), none of which are even explained in a way that's adequate or enticing. We're given some vague statements and made to go to town with them, but that's just it. I don't know what The Sky does, I don't know what happened when the Decay got here, and I don't know what's in it. All I have is a setting without a story.
To talk a bit more about The Decay - and this I think is what is most atrocious about this article - is that it doesn't regard the rules of the actual canon itself. There is nothing in The Decay, nothing that wants to be a part of The Decay (yet. I'm working on that), and in terms of the article itself, nothing that really alludes to The Decay being the source of these disappearances. How was it found out if they're both just black, for example? And the creatures inside, what are they? As it is, they just seem like "oooh look at me, scary article altering monster in your article!!!" which is a horribly washed out cliche at this point, especially when it's not done right.
I'm a bit ticked off at this because I wish I was consulted further in regards to what could've been done for the concept of the Decay itself. As it is now, this is a wasted idea that had good potential. I don't see why the Decay moniker is used on this article considering it is literally mentioned just once, and I think that asking for more conceptual help from my side (since I'm the person who could've helped you most with the conceptual side of this considering this relates to the Decay itself) would've benefitted this. I urge you to rewrite this in the future, cause it has potential. I'll consider changing my vote when that happens.
-1
There are roads,
a samurai must travel…
agreeing with what argon said in that this has thematic potential but is underexplored and lacking in terms of SPaG and a general like, strength to the article. It showcases concepts but does not explore them in a way that is intriguing or impactful. i understand that this was a spookycon entry, but i feel if it were at least run through the crit system more it would've been very helpful to this article.
better call captaiin!
Okay. I upvoted this originally because I skimmed it and thought it was decent. On second glance, and after reading Argon’s comments, I realized there were significant issues here. A few things:
1. The worldbuilding — or lack thereof — here is in no way enticing. “The Sky” is a generic, cliche concept with overused spooky teletype text and creepy metaphors to hide mediocre worldbuilding. Additionally, every detail mentioned in the level is glossed over, confusing, or not well explained; or sometimes all 3. An example would be:
The occurrence seems to be uncommon, happening only with 1 out of 8 wanderers.
This incredibly specific statistic implies that they sent probably like over 100 people into the level to test this and gain a proper number. Judging by the 1. Nobody leaves thing and 2. Decay presence it seems doubtful to me that The M.E.G. would sacrifice hundreds of operatives for a simple statistic.
This article feels so rushed and under polished. It could’ve been a decent concept had you actually detailed the article better. It just felt like a generic concept with generic execution that left a lot to be desired after the initial novelty wore off.
2. The SPaG. I was originally going to point stuff out as I went through the article, but I came to realize that SPaG wasn’t rly the issue, it was the flow. The way the article reads just feels… off. Certain sentences feel clunky and don’t flow well together and that may just be due to the rushed explanations. The SPaG in general isn’t really bad, I disagree with argon there, it’s primarily how the article runs that just feels funky.
3. The lore. I won’t waste your time rehashing what argon said about how this completely breaks the set rules of how the Decay works, but that was a significant problem reading through the article. This level shouldn’t even be traversable if the decay concealed most of it, but it’s written in a way that makes it just seem like a generic murder death labyrinth with no escape. When I took a closer look it bothered me how The Decay was honestly a pointless addition to the article and could’ve easily existed without it, and probably have been slightly better conceptually.
4. The css. This is the same problem that the old 303 had. The text has to be highlighted to be seen, which is not rly ideal for mobile users. Additionally, it’s extremely difficult to see. The css could’ve been interesting with text that flashed from black to white but it wasn’t. The black paper thing looks pretty cool, but that part is what kills it. I don’t wanna squint to read hidden text. You could even go as far as to say that’s not fair to people who have trouble seeing things close up like far sighted people.
5. This basically basically completely disregards the theme to the contest. It’s not Halloween themed nor is it spooky. It gave me no sense of horror at all and just felt like one of the generic flashy 4th wall breaking articles. This in of itself is probably a reason for downvote, but this doesn’t feel like a spookycon entry at all tbh. I get horror is subjective, but I can usually tell when something is supposed to be scary or not, and this just failed to invoke any sense of horror in me whatsoever.
TLDR: The worldbuilding here leaves a lot to be desired, the flow and writing here are really funky, this contradicts decay rules majorly, the css is difficult to like, and it completely disregards the theme of the contest.
-1
