A Christoween Carol / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page A Christoween Carol.

Author Post!

CutTheBirch 30 Oct 2021 20:51

Wow. Spookycon! I'm going to be posting a few more articles this con (and maybe break Stretch's record for most articles posted in a single con), so watch out for those!

I see...

HeWhoSpeaksInFeet 30 Oct 2021 21:15

Why does this remind me of summerween from gravity falls?

Mia Gaming

Kitty Rika 30 Oct 2021 21:47

I like the ending, and there are some really good pieces of dialogue here. However, there's also a bunch of spelling errors, and it's really, really hard to tell who's talking at times. It was actually pretty confusing to read. Also, the pacing is really jumpy, especially during the ghost parts. It feels almost shoe-horned in in order to fulfill the quota of the classic story reference, but doesn't actually feel fleshed out beyond that. However, it still has its heartwarming merits, so I'll give it a no-vote

Re: al.

CutTheBirch 30 Oct 2021 22:06

Thanks for the crit! (and can you point out the spelling errors so that I can fix them?)

Re: al.

Kitty Rika 31 Oct 2021 00:57

A few of the ones I caught:

The figure rises above the bed, a specter

missing period

"I guess now, I just need to wait for the other three."

unnecessary comma

Sitting on the bead, the Beast gets a knock on the door.

bed, not bead

The present two are at the crossroads now. They watch the past beast and the past spirit who in turn watch the child and the adult.

Inconsistent capitalization with Beast

a few of the ones I got B)

Re: al.

CutTheBirch 31 Oct 2021 02:25

thanks!

+1

(account deleted) 16 Feb 2023 10:30

I like this, it gives the Beast more humanisation.

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This guy literally speaks Hungarian
Like SAY WHAAAT