Object 69 - "Xenon Marbles" / Discussion

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+ Show component code

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This is the discussion related to the wiki page Object 69 - "Xenon Marbles".

sniped, noob. get pwned

captaiin 27 Jun 2021 01:37

in serious though, this is a pretty neat article. while it does have a few SPaG errors later on (will run through again and grab them for ya) it also has a pretty neat concept. +1 on my end

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better call captaiin!

Re: sniped, noob. get pwned

captaiin 27 Jun 2021 02:03

SPaG + other issues: a review

… be used a projectiles in various…

*as

Allowing them to break open, causes several…

unnecessary comma

Light Guides are highly intelligent beings, leading wanderers to various supplies (food, water, equipment, etc.). Light Guides are also able to spontaneously appear and disappear at will.

the inclusion of these lines in the "uses" section (and the article in general lol, if someone wants to know about the light guides you've already provided a crosslink) doesn't make much sense imo. it beefs up the article a tad but otherwise doesn't feel like it should be there

… will work but most commonly used is Almond Water.

but (*the) most commonly used (*substance) is Almond Water. (reasoning is that the sentence flow was very very off)

… crystal structure, and decompose…

unnecessary comma 2

Once thought to be points of light, may be highly condensed xenon gas.

very choppy + unnecessary comma in that version, see here:
Though they were once thought to be points of light, they may instead be highly condensed xenon gas.
this also gives a better compare-contrast desc. to clarify the message intended

… surroundings within a Level.

level in this usage isn't a proper noun, uncaps plx

… complete a life cycle, but continuously form out of these objects.

very iffy wording + flow, i suggest reworking to something similar to:
… complete a life cycle. Instead, they continuously form out of these objects.
if you don't wanna split it up into a sentence you can also use a semicolon so that you don't end up with a fuckton of choppy sentences :p

This implies Xenon Marbles are a resource comparable to Firesalt and Liquid Pain, forming naturally within Levels.

implies (*that)
also, the whole proper noun thing i mentioned previously

This is unlikely as the amount of Xenon Marbles found is not decreasing, meaning there is a constantly…

i recommend a comma after "unlikely" and remove the "a" after the third "is"

This is the least plausible theory as Xenon…

recommending a comma after "theory"

… found outside Level 6.

outside (*of) Level 6.
also noting that like, that could still be a plausible theory but i'm focusing on SPaG here lol

… can be found in many other Levels,

mm propere noun crit above

Ten(10)

space between the word + parentheses

that's all! have a nice day :D

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better call captaiin!

Re: sniped, noob. get pwned

DrBobtail 27 Jun 2021 03:35

ty!!

Re: sniped, noob. get pwned

captaiin 27 Jun 2021 21:04

no problem!

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better call captaiin!

rika's flowery commentary

Kitty Rika 14 Jul 2021 07:22

The description and content of the article is solid, but it feels like it shouldn't even be its own article. Since these objects are so closely related to light guides, they don't feel outstanding enough to be an article separate from them. I know that you wanted to better your light guides page, so why not include this in the light guides page itself instead of relying on other articles that only indirectly (and not really successfully) add to it? To me, this feels like half of an article, but it's not bad per se, so I'll leave it at a no vote.