A Deity's Conflict
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"By each day that passes the more I know that power isn't a miracle cure for everything. And here I encounter myself, in an eternal effort to fight against something eternal, all-knowing and almighty; something ethereal and arcane even to me, the one in charge of every creation; something that escapes even of my all-seeing eyes. Leader of many but not of myself, due to not being able to bury that demon that has always harassed me. I remember back then in that damn moment when the eternal void took my closest companion and left absolutely no trace of her; maybe my only inspiration in that moment to not leave my task as a creator and end my own existence. In that same moment I tried to use my weapon and power to fight against that who I do not know, in vain, due to my sword not being capable to eliminate that who is completely eldritch and intangible.
A pathetic effort from the second creation of the almighty creator; an empty power. I deposited my life into various disciplines and arcane arts to end my personal dillema to no avail. Why do you keep this useless fight against something so out of your understanding? Because I am like that, the vigor of the seeking and fighting for something are the main pillars of my life. Because the stubborness of my mind is stronger than my own power and even than the things I can't even understand. Maybe until the end of times I may devote myself to this search, and it's not something I will finish soon.

An endeavor of such a caliber is to be feared! Someone who is too innocent might say, if it wasn't because its probably going to end with absolutely zero success, but once you're too deep into something it's not easy to abandon it and move on. Her conscience, mind and body ended up being teared apart by the unknown strength that is Chaos. An enigma which not even my almighty and grumpy creator could ever explain, apparently existing even before anything ever breathed. How can you explain something that is so putrid and eldritch that it makes you gag? I'd describe it as more of an experience, an emotion or any feel inside of you, it slowly seeps into you as a whole and kills you from the inside; starting by your spirit, then it goes for your mind and lastly for your physical body."

I dropped my pen and a big puddle of ink appeared all over the bottom of an empty page. I wrote everything that I needed to say and I retained to my thoughts once again, the flow of my writing has already disappeared.

"My hands are hurting." I said while witnessing the erratic mess I wrote in my diary. And with a light stretch these words slipped out of my mouth: "I might see the stars this night and take a walk around my own prison." I walked around and I slowly sat in the edge of the mountain "Whatever it takes." I said, while the fatigue was taking control of my body "I'll take a deep breath and fall prey to the sweet sight of the moon." I commented, while seeing the stars and afterwards getting a good sense of the cushion I brought with me "Cold, another cold night." Letters escaped from my mouth while I slowly succumbed to the astral energy of night once again.


I woke up in a grumpy mood to the bright rays of the all-seeing flaming sun, it was sheepishly peeking above a dark gray cloud which was threatening with an upcoming rain. The sight was comfortable and I stayed in the ground to appreciate this, "You must learn to be grateful of the small details." I said while observing all of the humans in my domain, which were subject to my omniscient eye. It was one of my favorite hobbies to observe every single entity and human in my own homeland and see them advance towards an empty truth or fall apart in death.

"Ignorance is a blessing, I must say." I quickly got up and got a good sight of my dear sanctuary, the one who has accompanied me in lonely nights. "Time to drink something and fish anything, maybe I am lucky this time." I said, while walking towards the entrance of my sanctuary when in the corner of my eye I see something. I already saw their presence but I didn't expect for them to be so tenacious.

"What is that?! A woman in here?" I heard the voice of a young man who was pointing at me, he was clearly startled and taken aback by what he was seeing. A big smile quickly overcame my face and I did a wave signal towards them. "What do you want?" I said, I need to admit it, my tone was somewhat intimidating especially since I do not like annoyances in my life. "Be careful when approaching her, this might be a new entity" She said, a girl of short brown hair, an entity? Yes, that's the term they use to refer to my creations. Anyways. "Be as careful as you want, I'm only going to erase you if you annoy me." I said, words slipped out of my mouth like a snapping cobra, they looked much more careful and didn't spare a second to draw out their guns, as if that would work on me. "Stop." The same woman said. "It seems that it is a logical entity, we may be able to talk cordially. We don't want any problems with anyone." They said while stepping ahead of their group.

This was a surprise to me, thinking I'd have to get rid of them but at least a hint of logic was present among them; nevertheless, I nonchalantly walked towards them and did a quick and cordial salute. "My name is Belzei." The young girl listened to me and she returned it to me with a lowly greeting "Nice to meet you, I'm Valérie Acresse and this is my team of explorers, we are here on peaceful terms and we mean no damage to you or your homeland." She said, I couldn't hold it and let out a subtle laugh, this was quite the unique experience. "Good to hear that, any damage to my old den would probably really ruin it, it has quite some ages on it you know?" And after an ice-breaker, I went straight to the point "What do you exactly want?"

"The domain you are in is what we call Level 994, we are members of an organization called "The M.E.G." and we only want to do an accurate mapping of the zone." Of course, I have already heard of these guys before since they seem to stick their nose everywhere they go. Always noisy humans. "Alright, okay, just don't annoy me, I'll let you around my sanctuary but don't irritate me." I said in a stoic way, I was going to let them succesfully complete their objective but I wasn't going to let my personal freedom go away.

"Thank you so much, I really appreciate it." She said with a big smile on her face, it seemed like she have already been through the considerable amount of tragic experiences, after this, I let out a simple laugh and went with my old fishing rod to the nearest pond; I am not the kind of person who is used to have a lot of people around.

I could feel their presence squirming around my domains, whatever they tried to do was within my mind and even if they didn't know it, they were like a butterfly in a spider's web. Whatever they tried to do that I didn't like would end terribly. "Who are you in reality, tell me." A voice was present behind my back, one of the armed soldiers apparently got themselves detached from the group and went out of the way to search for me, even after all of the warnings… I shouldn't be surprised by a lone wolf's stupidity. "I told you all to leave me alone. Get away from me or you'll regret it." I said with an apathic tone. "I am here to know what is happening in here, you are not what it seems." He said, a smartass comment from someone who pretended to know a lot about everything; without wasting a second I grabbed his face and threw him away with enough force to knock him out and probably break many bones. Of course, the sound was tumultuous enough to alert the rest of the crew, who quickly came to the rescue of this idiot.

"That is what happens when any of you all irritate me. I do not take stuff lightly and I am not your subject of study." I commented while pointing to the renegade who was far from the group. Anyhow, they rapidly got in tow and carried their hurt companionship towards the way they came. "Well, I still hope you all could map this domain, I don't think so however." I said angrily to them and afterwards I just gritted my teeth, a calm day ruined again. Anyways. It was time for me to take a rest, after all I'm no more than an old woman.


I quickly embraced myself into my inner-world, it was only me now seeing myself through a mirror. There I saw my physical body; a woman with messy light-brown colour hair, multiple eyes were present on my face and I was covered with horrible scars, my clothing was already somewhat ragged and broken in some parts. "I'm a walking struggle" I said to myself while laughing and getting my hands to my face. "I should get some sleep" Then, I slowly laid down in my bed.

The stars were again above me. "How can I be more miserable than mere humans?" I commented inside my head, incredulous as to why I felt like this. A deity with enormous power over nearly anything yet I felt like I was more powerless than any of my creations. I brushed it off as the melancholy of the night and tried to sleep, but that thought would plague me for the rest of the night like a parasite. Resorting to no more than violence even for the dumbest of things, am I really a deity or just a human with some sprinkles on the top to make me look more special? My powers are entirely hollow if I can't seem to fill my very own insecurities.


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